Devotion

My husband and I have been going through a book called 100 Prayers of thanksgiving (does not give a specific author).  We read this together usually at breakfast and we don't get it done everyday but have enjoyed them.

Today's really hit me as it fits my blog very well, I feel.  So I am going to share it with you.

Growing in Christ

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  1 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV

     Norman Vincent Peale had the following advice for believers of all ages:  "Ask the God who made you to keep remaking you."  That advice, of course, is perfectly sound, but often ignored.

The journey toward spiritual maturity lasts a lifetime.  As Christians, we can and should continue to grow in the love and the knowledge of our Savior as long as we live.

When we cease to grow, either emotionally or spiritually, we do ourselves a profound disservice.  But, if we study God's Word, if we obey His commandments, and if we live in the center of His will, we will not be "stagnant" believers; we will, instead, be growing Christians... and that's exactly what God wants for our lives.

"With God, it isn't who you were that matters; it's who you are becoming."  Liz Curtis Higgs

"Every great company, every great brand, and every great career has been built in exactly the same way:  bit by bit, step by step, little by little."   John Maxwell

Today's Prayer

Dear Lord, I know that I still have so many things to learn.  I won't stop learning, I won't give up, and I won't stop growing.  Every day, I will do my best to become a little bit more like the person You intend for me to be.  Amen

I just really felt like this was one I needed to and wanted to share.  I know it really hit home with me.  Many have in this little book but I have been lazy about sharing.

Hope you enjoy this little tidbit for today.  

Home from Haiti

I am home from Haiti and already miss being there.  It is good to be home and especially be with my husband but the time in Haiti was amazing.  I did well flying...most of the time.  I had a great team and they were all a big help to make sure I had a window seat and that someone from the team was next to me.  I was thankful to God for putting a remarkable team together and so very thankful that He chose me to be a part of that team.

There were 8 of us from our church and we went out in 2 teams.  One went to work on helping the Haitians build houses and the other (which I was with) went out to be with the kids and do VBS stuff with them.

We rode in what was called a Tap-Tap.  A truck with benches in the back.  Our driver was awesome with all the traffic.

This one is loaded with our stuff for the day.  We then added about 6 people--it got crowded but it was fun.

The first day we were near the guys building but we were at a tent church and had over 100 kids--it was so much fun.  It was very hot in that tent but loving those kids was so very easy.  Some tried to teach me Creole which is their language.  I have a hard enough time with English so this was more laughing than anything.  I really enjoyed it.

The electricity was spotty and it was hard to regulate the temp. at night so the first night us 3 ladies froze.  We shared a really nice room.  I think we all felt a bit spoiled where we were.  Having someone cook for us all week was wonderful.  The food was great but I didn't always know what I was eating.  On Monday I ate a bit too much and ended up sick during the night.  This was not fun but I still thanked God for getting me through it and for sending me to Haiti.  I had to stay back as my team headed out on Tues. and that was hard but I had to get my energy back and rest up.  With no TV or Internet it was a great time of resting and prayer.  I spent the day with God and that is something I don't do here.  I have many distractions so it is easy to do other things but when I was in the compound with no one that spoke English it was a time for me to just be with God.  He has a plan for everything and maybe that was something He wanted from me--to trust, surrender and just spend a day with Him.

The rest of the week went well.  I did lose about 3 lbs from being sick and then cautious about what I ate.  I felt good though.

We spent Wed. going to pick up 2 teachers from one of the orphanages and take them to buy books.  That was a lot of fun.  They were so excited and thankful to have books for the kids.

We all spent Thurs at the orphanage.  The construction team was building new, safe benches for the kids to sit on and we were playing and loving on the kids.  It was so easy to get attacked to them and I look at the pictures and miss them so much.  They loved to wear my hat and sunglasses.  Run their fingers up my veins on my arm and play with my hair.  I had my hair braided many times since it is to fine to hold the braid.  Oh and they loved to take pictures and have their picture taken.  They knew my camera was in my right pocket and would point and say "photo".  So about 50 of my around 400 pictures were taken by kids.

Friday 3 of the construction guys went back to work more on things at the orphanage while the rest of us took a trip up to the mountain.  We went to the Baptist Mission which was really neat to see.  We went to an overlook to see out over Port-au-Prince.  That was just amazing.  Haiti is a beautiful country with beautiful people.

I fell in love with the country and the people. I feel so blessed to have been called to go.

Saturday 3 of the guys helped with some things that needed done around the compound while the rest of us went to a school that had not had a mission team come in before.  We had about 60 kids and did skits and things with them.  It was so much fun and several came forward to receive Christ--that was amazing.  As we were leaving I was hugging one of the young boys and he asked me to pray for him.  He gave me his name and I have been since.  I don't know exactly his need but God does.

We also had a pizza party for the staff that evening.  They didn't have to cook for us and it was so much fun to see how excited there were to have pizza.

Well if you kept up with me this far--thanks.  It is so hard to put into words everything and how so very thankful and blessed I feel to have gotten this opportunity.  I do hope to get a chance to go back and next time take my husband.  I know he would love it.

God really took me way outside my comfort zone but I took comfort in trusting Him.  He stretched me way more than I have ever been stretched.  I look forward to see what He has in store for me next--very exciting!!

Obedience is not easy!

For the last year I have been really praying that God would use me and the gifts that He has given me.  With this prayer comes responsibilities that at times are not fun or easy.  Sometimes they can be quite painful...at least in the mind (or my crazy mind).

I thought my job at the Children's Hospital was it.  God did use me there but either I got in my own head or maybe it was a stepping stone to prepare me for something more.  It did stretch me.  I had been a stay-at-home mom for so long and was on MY schedule which was nice but the job made me step outside my comfort zone just a bit.

Recently I have been really asking God what He wants from me.  I really want to serve and grow into the godly woman He wants me to be.  Several things have come to mind, some of which I would not have thought of because they are things I didn't really care to do.  We will see.  I am trusting and that is what I have to do.

Well, on Sunday the 13th towards the end of our church service the pastor announced that they needed more people to go to Haiti.  I have always wanted to do a missions trip but the timing was not right and the call was not there.  This time I told my husband I wish I could go BUT there were so many reasons why I could not.

So I spend a lot of that week battling with God.  The list was long on why I could not or should not go and I told that list to God over & over but my heart kept coming back to going.

As we were heading to church on Sunday I thought to myself if they still needed people I would "check in to it".  Well they did and so I looked at my husband who was on the same page as I was and we went to talk to the pastor.  Yes, they needed more people and had prayed that God would bring the team together that day since the trip is coming up very quickly.  I had to give them a definite answer that day.  YIKES!!

After evening church I went to the team leader and told him YES I want to go.  Once I made that commitment a sense of peace came over me.  I knew I was being obedient to God.

"And this is love:  that we walk in obedience to his commands.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."  2 John 6

I still have the peace knowing I am doing what I am called to do but I have been battling intense fear.  Not so much fear of going to Haiti but flying...yes I have a fear of flying.  Not crashing, although I am sure if the plane were going down I would have fear then.  This is just a fear of being trapped in the tube.  I know crazy...  Every time I even think about flying I get anxious.  I thought maybe I could drive to Florida then just take one plane instead of the 3 there and 3 back.

To be honest I have no idea why God is calling me to do this.  I do have a servant heart and have always wanted to do missions.  I have asked God--why now??  I have soooo many reasons not to go--why now?? 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9

I don't know if I will know completely why now but it doesn't really matter.  If God has called me to go to Haiti then He will equip me with everything I need to do His work while I am there.  He will also give me everything I need to got on those airplanes (maybe some really nice meds to calm me).

I am being stretched much harder than I felt ready for.  I am stepping WAY outside my comfort zone.  Even through all the stress, fear and never ending thoughts of things I need to do and get before I go I still feel at complete peace that I am doing what God has called me to do and that is GO. 

I think of Gideon (and many others in the Bible that said they were not equip but God always gave them what they needed, when they obeyed Him) and how God used him.  Gideon was not the strongest or the bravest and was considered the least of his tribe but he was willing to be used.  So like Gideon I am not the strongest or the bravest but I am willing and I think that is all God wants me to be, simply willing.

In just over 4 weeks I leave with my team from church to go to Haiti.  My heart is already there and I have never been.  Funny how that works.  I leave you with one request--please PRAY!!  Pray for our team, pray for God to work through us, pray for the people of Haiti to be open to hearing the Gospel, pray for me and ALL my fears (esp. flying).  Thank you!

Memorizing

I am great at remembering a lot of things but I tend to not do as well with memorizing scripture.  I have a lot in my head but I don't always get them "right" or the right "address" but I usually know where I can find them.

So I wanted to work on memorizing this year and I am not setting a time on any one verse.  I figure if I tell myself one a week then I set myself up for failure so I am just doing one until I have it and moving on to the next.

Last week I was trying to figure out what to memorize and while reading in one of my books a verse just jumped right out at me and I thought...AHA that is the one to start with this year.  Since then I have had another that has popped up in a few devotions and I am going to work on that one next...but one at a time for my aging brain.

I wanted to share the first one with you.  I made it into a card and have it posted all over my house and so far I am doing pretty good.  I have the first part down and now working on the second half.

I think this is a great verse to start the New Year out with.  I hope you find time to dig into God's word and find the treasures that await you.

I must confess...

...I just posted on the words we speak and I have to say that although I work hard to watch what I say to others I am not so quick to think before I speak to my husband.  The one person I love the most in the world (well besides my kids).  I choose to love him and he chooses to love me.

Recently I have been struggling with stress which is not new to me but it has been at a higher level and affecting my life and my marriage.  I can be nice to everyone else but I tend to take out my frustrations on my husband.  This is not right nor is it fair to him.

My devotions recently have been exactly what I need at this time in my life--huh??  I am reminded that God knows my future, knows my schedule and knows my struggles.  He is already there so I don't need to keep stressing over these things.  Why can't I get that through my thick head.  I guess that is part of being a strong-willed, hard-headed, type A personality. 

Sometimes I wish God would just flash a neon sign in front of me telling me what to do instead of me having to WAIT.  I can be very impatient at times.  I know that at times He does answer so clearly and other times not so much.  Sometimes we have to walk through the muck and mire of trials, stressful situations & things we don't want to do to get to a better place.  NOT FUN!!

I know that God has plans for me.  I am blessed with so much and have nothing to complain about.  I just fine things to complain about--I am working on that also. 

So during this time of stress & struggling I keep praying, learning, growing and reminding myself to take care of myself and control my tongue. 

One day it will all be clear to me.  One day I won't have the stress and struggles of life.  One day life will be perfect and that day will be when I meet Jesus face-to-face.  Until then I will cont. to rely on the TRUTH of God's Word.  Trust Him to see me through these difficult times.  And wait patiently on my Lord.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord,and wait patiently for him to act."  Psalm 37:7 

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:24-26 

I place my hope in God!!



Last Saturday

OK, not the greatest title but that is what I am going to talk about for just a minute here.  I worked last Sat. (and Monday on this 3 day weekend) and my day started off on the wrong foot, so to speak.  I didn't sleep well, had a nightmare that I woke crying in and when I was getting ready I read an email that made me cry.  Obviously something was "off" in me.  My mood was not the best and I really didn't want to go to work.  Not because I don't like my job but for other reasons.  I wanted to be home with my husband on this nice weekend.  I have felt "less" at work because I am not a nurse (this is a me issue that I have to work on).  So on my way I went with the wrong attitude to start my day.  I prayed on the way there that God would help me and change my attitude.

The day was busy and at times a bit crazy but it was going and I was enjoying taking care of others I just had that nagging negative thought going through my head that I am not good enough because I am not a nurse.  This of course is a LIE and I know it but that didn't stop my mind from going back to it over and over.

There is a wonderful young lady that is also a care assistant but in nursing school and will soon be a nurse but she has been in my shoes and is so easy to talk to.  I just adore her and she has been a big emotional support for me in my job.  She was working on Sat. and so I asked if we could talk a minute and we did and she encouraged me but it was still hard.  I do get nurses encouraging me to go on to nursing school and that doesn't help either.

OK, so I am rambling let me get to my point...

After I had eaten my lunch I had time so I called my husband and he was busy doing yard work and having a good day--without me--this made me sad but I was happy his day was going well.  I then get off the phone and realize I have 15 minutes left for my lunch break and I was all alone.  So I had me a little conversation with God.  This went on for the rest of my break and then I went on back to work.  Was my mood better?  No, not really but I was working on it. 

A bit later I was feeding a boy that could do nothing for himself.  He has to totally rely on someone else for his survival.  This was the 3rd time that day I was feeding him and when I do I talk to him even though I am not sure he hears me.  I said a little prayer for him and then out of the blue I could just feel God saying to me "whatever you do for the least of these you do for me".  OK God I get it.  You put me here.  You took away my desire to go on to nursing school.  I love what I do there--most of the time.  I am there to serve these kids, their families and the nurses.  I am usually great with that but it has recently been bothering me.  I was "feeling" less important because I am not a nurse.  I look at everyone as important no matter their education level or job or anything.  Why can't I look at myself that way.  God does.

I think of all the people in the Bible God called to serve and most of them were "less" in the eyes of society at that time.  God did GREAT things through these people.  As long as we are walking in God's will and want to be used it doesn't matter where He puts us it just matters that we go and do in Jesus name. 

I am still working on all this.  I don't want to go to nursing school, I don't believe that is where God wants me.  I have no peace about it.  So I have to keep praying God will work this out in my heart and I will remember that I am working for God and not man.

Here is the passage that I got once I got home and looked up what I felt God was telling me.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory.  All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

Matthew 25:31-40

Also as I worked on my thoughts about myself and my position at work this verse came to mind.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."  Col. 3:23-24

I just have to remember that I am working for God, NOT man.  This really helped me when I was back on Monday--Labor Day.  That day went better for me. 

So, no pictures in this post which is odd for me but I really wanted to share my heart and how God is working even when I am being a big baby about life.  This too shall pass...

Adjustment

That is where I am at right now.  Learning to adjust to being a working woman.  I love my job but I don't always like getting up so early.  I don't like being tired ALL the time and crying more than usual.  I know that this too shall pass but I am not the most patient person when it comes to things like this. 

I want to know everything NOW and I know that is not going to happen.  I expect way more out of myself than anyone else.  I have put so much pressure on myself that it is making me sick and I have to stop doing that.


I want to have energy and to feel great NOW and not 3, 6 or even 12 months from now...PATIENCE!

I want to not cry at every little thing all the time now...PATIENCE!

Even as I am typing this out something jumps right out at me and it is the "I WANT" part.  I sound like a 2 yr old and forgetting what does God want from me.  What does God want me to do. 

God wants me to trust HIM:

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you"  Isaiah 26:3

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."  Jeremiah 17:7

God wants me to put my strength in HIM:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble"  Psalm 46:1

"I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength"  Philippians 4:13

God wants me to know that He would not give me something He was not going to equip me to handle.  When I want to obey but it just seems to hard.

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach."  Deut. 30:11

So as I go about another day I just need to remember that I am in this with God because He said He would never leave me nor forsake me.  This is a Truth I plan to hold on to.

I will close with some great verses that I just love and was reading this morning.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  Philippians 4:4-8

Today I will chose to Rejoice in the Lord!!

Stepping Out

I am stepping out of my comfort zone, heading into a new phase in my life.  In one week I will be starting a new job.  I am very excited but also a bit scared.  I have not really worked outside my home in over 15 years.  I have been raising my kids which I so much have enjoyed but they are now grown and it is time for me to do something else with my life.  For a few years now I have been trying to "figure out" mostly on my own what I am suppose to do now that I have a lot of time on my hands.  I am too young to just "retire".  Really I am way too young!!

I have taken classes to further my education in the thoughts that I would go to nursing school.  I have everything I need but just don't have a peace about going.  I am not sure why but I have prayed about it so much and it always comes back to "that is not where you are suppose to be".  So last summer I started applying at hospitals for Care Assistant (CNA) positions.  I was offered a job last Aug. but it did not feel right.  I left the interview (the first profession interview I had been on in a long time) feeling about 50/50 on wanting the job.  Over the weekend I ended up knowing that I did NOT want the job and prayed that they would not even offer me the job.  I was not sure why but again I did NOT have a peace about it.  They did call a week after the interview and offered me the job.  I thanked them and then turned them down.  At the time it all felt right but for me given time I will second guess myself--something I tend to do to myself.  I did see through the fall and winter that it was best that I didn't have the job.  I was still applying for jobs in hospitals off & on over the months.  I really wanted to work at the Children's hospital that I volunteer at but those Care Assistant jobs are very hard to get.  Plus with me being out of the work force for so long I knew it was a long shot but I kept on applying.

A few months ago I really was having a rough time and I could just feel God pulling me closer to him.  I started spending more time in the Word and in prayer.  I started to journal both my thoughts and prayers.  I had also started my worry box that I have blogged on earlier.  I was trusting God with my future.  I got to where I just felt at complete peace about whatever God had for me was going to be just right.  If I was to remain a housewife then I was happy and content to do that.  I knew that God would be able to use me & the gifts He has given me in so many different areas as long as I was walking in His will.

Casting Crowns has a song that has really helped me during this time called Voice of Truth.  Here is just a bit of the song:

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, "Do no be afraid!"

The voice of truth says, "This is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

That is just a bit of the song but it really hit home for me.  I had (still have) that inner voice that tells me I can't do this or that.  That is the lies.  I also have the truth that has been coming through and it is telling me to not be afraid.  God's Word is the Truth that is helping me and guiding me.

As I have looked back over my journal and all the verses God has given me to guide me and to show me what He wants for my life it has been so reassuring.  I wish I could list them all here but that would be a lot.  I will share a few:

"I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me."  Psalm 16:7

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."  Psalm 27:14

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

OK that is just a very small sample of the verses I have in my journal.  These plus many others have helped me in my journey over the last few months.  They still help me everyday.  I am depending on God moment by moment in my life.

So as I step out of the boat into the unknown waters of a new and exciting job I am reaching for the hand of Jesus to hold me up so I do not sink.

I feel that God has blessed me with this job and He will give me what I need to do it and to move forward in my life and not be "stuck" which would be the easier thing to do, at least for me.

So next Monday, June 21st I will start my hospital orientation for a Care Assistant position at the Children's Hospital that I now volunteer for.  WOW!!  I walked away from that interview back in April wanting the job but just trusting that if God wanted me there then it would all work out and if not I was content to keep trusting.  I was offered the job on May 5th.  I had to wait until June to start which was OK since so much has happened in that time and it has come up really fast.

It is just amazing to see what happens when I just let go and let God take control in my life.  To just let Him direct my path.  I am scared about starting this new job but not because I don't think I can do the job but because it is all new for me again.  Working long hours and being away from home.  This is where I just have to trust and depend on God at ALL times.

So I just keep praying for God's direction and that He will use me in this position.  I need prayer from others to help me not get overwhelmed with fear as the day is fast approaching.

Trust in God and His Truth!!!  Obey His commands!!! 

What an AWESOME GOD!!! 

Frazzled???

I have been doing a 30 day devotional called The Frazzled Female by Cindi Wood.  I am doing 2 days at a time to be done before I start my job.  It is just awesome and I wanted to share just a bit.  She also has a website frazzledfemale.com.  I tried to put that as a link but still new to this blogging.  I would highly recommend this devotional.  Here is just a little I wanted to share from this devotional.  These are all excerpts from this book by Cindi Wood.

"Oh, my!  Life can be so frustrating!  It's such a challenge to react positively when stressors are continually thrown your way.  I have found that many times we women can handle the big things in life that produce stress.  Maybe it's because we've planned in advance for them and realize they are coming.  It's the accumulation of common daily hassles that seem to sneak up on us and rob our joy and positive attitude."

"Remember, though, the first step to being positive is to determine to think positively!  It's a matter of choice, an act of will."

"Anxiety and worry can lead to an extremely negative attitude."

"Life's hard, and being positive requires desire and persistence."

"And by the way, being positive doesn't necessarily mean that you're happy."

OK I am sure I have shared plenty to wet your appetite for this devotional.  I know that worry and anxiety will rob me of a positive attitude very quickly.  I have been working on being more positive for a while now and it is work.  She also talks about the "worry box" which I talked about in an earlier post.  It is only 30 days and it is filled with scripture to guide you and me to live a life that is not so frazzled, rushed and negative.  I am only 10 days in and looking forward to getting into this devotional every morning.  I hope to go back through it slower when I do have the 30 days to do it instead of doing 2 days in a row but I still am getting so much out of it I just wanted to share it with everyone.

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?  And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?"  Luke 12:25-26

"And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father." 
Colossians 3:17

"Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart."  Psalm 119:34

 

F.E.A.R.

FEAR...that is what gripped me just the other day.  I have heard that FEAR is "False Evidence Appearing Real" there are a lot of other acronyms but this one I have heard the most and seemed to fit.  My fear stemmed from a very real concern for one of my children.  Instead of taking that fear to God I just went right into worrying about my child's future and let the worry just keep growing in my mind.

A quote from Corrie Ten Boom I like that really fits here is "Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear."

I have been working on NOT worrying and here I was just not letting go of this worry/fear.  Being a mom I want to always protect my kids, this is not possible.  Sometimes the things they go through are for their good.  Personally I don't see the good in this one but only God knows the future.  After some research, more worrying and becoming very grumpy I FINALLY realized I needed to take this child and their issue to God.  It took me a bit to get it through my thick head but I did and it only took me one day--that for me is progress!!  When it comes to my family it takes more work to NOT worry--especially when it has to do with my kids.  I'm still growing...

Now that I was able to give all that to God I am still struggling with myself and the lies that swirl around in my head.  I feel like I have been fighting a battle in my head between lies and truth instead of letting go and letting God have control.  Allowing myself to worry robbed me of an entire day and now I am dealing with the aftermath of thoughts that go with it.  Feelings of failure & guilt.  LIES!!!  I have to take every thought captive, "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5b.  "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Ephesians 3:20

I am more content and at peace when I am walking in God's will for my life.  Worry takes me out.  He cannot work in me when I try and take control.  Plus I am no good at it.  I want joy, peace, contentment--things I only have when I keep my eye's on Jesus and walk with Him daily.

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."  Corrie Ten Boom

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
 Philippians 4:6-7

Are you Unbalanced?

Do you feel like you have to many things going on?  Do you feel rushed a lot or frazzled with all of life's demands?  Well I do, at least at times.

This past week I would have a good day then I would feel frazzled about a lot of little things and then a good day then the next frazzled again.  I have been working to balance my life.  This is not easy since there are so many unknowns that come up.  When you are married and have kids it is very hard to stay balanced but not impossible.

I am learning a lot of how to balance my life and part of that is saying NO to things.  This is not easy when I feel pulled in different directions.  I am learning what my priorities are.  I have always known the order--or what I thought was the order:  God, Husband, Kids, Others  That makes sense--right?  Well there seems to be something...or someone missing in that list.  ME!!  It may sound a bit selfish but it is not.  I (we) have to take care of ourselves to be able to take care of others.  I don't mean I am putting ME at the top of others in all circumstances but I have to put me in there somewhere.

Let see where I should put ME......Me, God--no that can't work.  I think it would have to be...God, me, Husband, Kids, Others!!  Yep that works.  Notice that the ME in that list is a little ME.  That is because I feel that we have to put ourselves up there as a priority but for our basic needs (time with God, food, sleep, self care, etc...) not to put ourselves up there so that we are off doing things all the time without thinking of others.  I know when I am well rested, eating good and taking care of myself I have time & energy for just about anything that comes up.  Makes my husband happy to see me taking care of myself and I like to see my husband happy.

Do I think as woman, mothers, wives that we should take time out for ourselves for fun--absolutely!!!  The key here is BALANCE! 

As long as we are spending time with God, taking care of our husbands, kids and ourselves it seems to all fall into place.  I don't know about you but I want to be Supermom but I tried that and my cape burned up in flight.  We can't do it all and we have to make time for ourselves.

For me I think this may be a life long challenge but we will see.  God has really been doing a lot of work in me and I like where He is taking me.  I just have to remember to surrender to Him daily and stay in His will and I will have a joy-filled life.  Will I get frazzled--most likely but I am hoping that those days will become less and less the closer I walk with my Lord.

One of "Those" days.....

It has been just "one of those days" for me.  After a pretty good nights sleep I awake ready to start a good day.  It just went downhill from there...at least for a bit.  I didn't have my normal morning quiet time with God, not a good start.  So what did I do with all the "little" things that happened today--COMPLAIN!  You know what happened...everything has worked out just fine.  I was reminded that when I take my eyes off Jesus and put them on my problems my little problems appear very BIG.  But God is bigger and I am so thankful for that.  Even when I am looking the other way He still has his eye on me.  So as I finish this day I am now fixing my eyes on Jesus and I know that tomorrow is a new day.  Praise the Lord!!

"Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always." 

Psalm 105:4

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:2

Ready for a GREAT day tomorrow!!!

Being Prepared

I really didn't know how to title this entry but wanted to share a recent experience.  I have been asking God to use me and the gifts that He has given me.  I completely surrendered to His will for my life.  With time on my hands I have been looking for ways to serve (serving is one of my gifts). 

I have been volunteering at a Children's hospital for a couple years and love it but felt like there was more for me.  I am not always patient waiting for God, this is something he is teaching me.  I recently excepted a job but was told I would not be able to start until the middle of June.  OK, I thought this will give me time to prepare for long work days since I have been mostly on "my" schedule for years, now I need to be prepared for a work schedule. 

This past week is where I feel God has really grown me and showed me WHY I had to wait to start this job and a lot of other things.  God has blessed me with the gifts of mercy, serving and encouragement.  I am not always good at following through with them but when I do I am blessed and know I am in His will.  So taking care of others comes easy for me (most of the time--I can be lazy about it).

My mom had been taking care of her oldest brother and he had been pretty sick for some time.  This past week it was evident that my uncle was not going to be around much longer.  I had been praying for him and my mom during this time.  I was on a walk with my husband Tues evening when we were talking about the situation.  My uncle was at a hospital close to me so why was I not going to visit.  I had not grown up with this uncle and he had upset me with the way he had treated my mom so I did kind of "step aside".  While talking with my husband I told him I wanted to be there FOR my mom and to let my uncle know that I loved him.  My husband knew that if I didn't follow my heart, which we both knew it was a prompting from God, that I would regret it.

The next day I go to visit my uncle and planned for a very short visit and again thought this was more to support my mom.  I ended up spending more time there and felt like that was where I needed to be. 

God prepared me and my heart for this time, I have no doubt about that.  I so much loved being there, talking with my uncle, helping him in any way I could and just doing what I know how to do.  He called me his favorite nurse.  No, I am not a nurse, I have a medical background but not a nursing degree.  Taking care of him was easy for me.  I had prayed for his salvation and on Wed. one of the pastors from my church came and talked with my uncle and he prayed and received Christ.  This brought us all a lot of joy.  We would talk about this off and on.  I could see the peace in his eyes.  My uncle went to be with the Lord on Friday 5/21 in the afternoon.  I held his hand as he passed from this life into the arms of Jesus. 

I got up this morning to have my quiet time and one of the devotionals I am using right now was so fitting.  I would have done this yest. but was at the hospital as we had spent the night Thurs. night when he took a turn for the worse.  The book is Praying for Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton and is a 60 day devotional.  This is what I read this morning:  "Do you understand that he (God) delights in giving you tasks he designed you to love?".  After I read that I sat for awhile just thinking about how God used me & my gifts over the last few days and I was just in awe of the wonderful, mighty God that I serve.  He is so much bigger than my feeble mind can even comprehend. 

I realized that had I been able to start my job earlier I would have started it on the 20th--the day before my uncle passed and I would not have been able to be there and allow God to use me and I would have missed this blessing.  WOW!!!  I thought of how on Thurs I had gotten really tired and had a headache after lunch so I went home to take a nap.  I got a call just after 9 pm that he was not doing well and I headed to the hospital.  I was not tired, I had no headache.  God had prepared me for a long night.  WOW!!!  I had no worries about my family because I knew they were all doing fine and could take care of things at home.  I was right where I was suppose to be at the time.  WOW!!!

I guess I just wanted to try and share just a bit of what I am feeling and how God has been using me.  Words cannot even begin to express how I feel right now and how blessed I feel.  I am just so thankful that I serve a loving God.  I am so NOT perfect, I have so many flaws but God sees me as a clean, pure child of HIS that is willing to be used.  As Samuel said in 1 Samuel 3:10 "Speak, for your servant is listening.".  That is me, not that I always listen but I want to because when I do great things happen.  When I don't.........

So I start my weekend with sadness at the loss of my uncle and joy with how God has used me and the joy in my heart of what an AWESOME GOD WE SERVE!!

Half-full OR Half-empty???

When you see this what do you think?

It is a common question. 

Most people either see it half-full (optimistic) or half-empty (pessimistic).

Pessimism is expecting the worst possible outcome.

Optimism is to anticipate the best possible outcome.

Which way do you lean?

I don't feel that people are all one way, some fall more on one side than the other but have at least a little of both in them.  I will tell you where I feel I fall.....a pessimist.  At least that is what I thought until I learned more about myself.  I am more pessimistic when it comes to myself but more optimistic when it comes to dealing with other people either in thought or when talking to them.  One of my spiritual gifts is encouragement, well you can't be a pessimist and still be an encourager--right. 

I am daily working toward growing in truth and that is the Word of God.  When I think on the truth all day it becomes more difficult to be pessimistic....this is good.  As I grow I am learning to think the truth about myself and I start to think of the positive and all the blessings in my life.

There is a saying "Hope for the best but expect the worst".  Once we put that "but" in there we just negated the hope that we should have.  I am guilty of this.  I had a wise young lady remind me that sometimes what we think is best is really not the best and sometimes what we think is the worst is really for our best.  Only God knows what is best for us.  So I now just hope for the best and know that the best is whatever God's will is for my life.

I am learning & growing; a work in progress.  I do feel that I am more of an optimist now about myself, others and life in general because I am growing in the Truth.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true...think about such things." 

Philippians 4:8

I have this verse (the whole thing) posted on my mirror, computer and in my purse to remind me everyday to think on these things.

Living in the truth brings joy and peace!! 

That is exactly where I want to be.

Where do you want to be???