Spring has sprung....

It has been almost 3 months since I last blogged so I will try and catch you up.....busy/lazy.  Well that should do it.........
 
I have been busy.  My coworker had surgery so I worked to pick up her part on top of mine (which they overlap a lot being we are both Medical Assistants) but I do more front office stuff on top of the back office so it was a bit stressful but looking back it was good for me and I liked the challenge.  Glad she is doing better and back to work.

I say spring is here but we never really did have a winter here in our neck of the woods.  I like it that way but know it will not always be that way.  The only bad thing.....allergies!!  With no deep freeze we have a lot of people with major allergy issues.

I would love to report that I am enjoying my Joy devotional but the truth is....I stopped doing it when I started working more.  I can always pick it back up.  I still have JOY!! and that is more important than making sure I do that devotional everyday.  

I am exercising and loving it.  Love going for walks with my wonderful hubby, doing Pilate's and a few different things.  Just want to stay active. 

I love spending time with my kids (which now I have 5....my oldest son got married!!).  Very blessed with a wonderful, beautiful daughter-in-law.

My husband and I are now in a place to really have time for each other.  We have so much fun together.  We have to work to make time for each other but that is part of being intentional with our time.  It is like being newlyweds (except we had 2 babies when we got married) but with the life experience that comes with age.  So for me I think it is way better than the newlywed phase.....Just my opinion.

I am learning Japanese.  My daughter-in-law is Japanese and we hope to take a trip to Japan sometime in the near future.  I am older so this is a challenge but fun.  Good for the brain.  Japanese is not easy and I am not that great with English which is the only language I know.....for now!! 

So busy...yes, but not to busy to blog (which I have not done), email (which I do if it is personal...don't really mess with forwards) or take time for family & friends (well work schedule can dictate some of that).  Lazy in the fact that I get home from work and just want to do nothing but watch TV or take a nap.  I am working on that now that my hours are back to normal.

There is always going to be things to take up our time and energy but I am learning that it is important to stop and look at what is taking that time and energy.  Is is productive?  Does it help others?  Is it to much to the point of taking away from what really is important in our lives?

I want to be the woman God wants me to be and that is my prayer for myself.  I am in a new season of my life and I am very young to be in this place but I have found that it is a good place.  A blessed place.  A place I am enjoying and want to keep enjoying everyday.

Hopefully it won't be another 3 months until my next blog.......

Buried alive...

Well, just 6 more days and I will either be on my way or in Haiti.  The last 4 weeks went quick and have been very busy. 

I feel I am sinking or maybe just have tunnel vision.  I am completely focused on this trip.  Packing and re-packing to keep the weight down--not easy when going for a week in a Country like Haiti. 

I over pack and now I am working to cut out things I don't think I will need--again NOT easy.  I have never been there, not sure what all I might need/want.  I don't want to take things that will weigh me down that I don't need but I also don't want to forget something important.

I have to take the time to remember to eat--for me that is bad, I have got to eat.  I have been running almost non-stop for a while now and I am ready to slow down. 

I still have things to prepare for our trip.  Things to do with the kids--FUN!!

I am very thankful to my husband for being so supportive and helpful.  I have been asking my son lots of air travel questions and having him help me weigh my suitcase...over and over and over...in hopes to get it under 45 lbs.  I have asked my mom many questions and have her making me something--that I may not take depending on room.  I have called the airline and asked questions.  I have called the airport and TSA--yep I am that CRAZY!!  I just want to make sure I do everything right.

I hope to have some great stories to tell when I get back and maybe a picture or two to share.  I keep telling myself that the flights are part of this adventure and to just sit back and enjoy them.  Some times it works and other times not so much but I am working to think positive and I know there are many that are praying for me and my team--THANKS AND KEEP UP THE PRAYERS!!

I told my husband that when I get back I am going to sit on our new couch (which has yet to come in) and just watch TV and do NOTHING for a week.  He said that is exactly what he wants me to do.  What a great guy I have!!

OK, back to work since I am done with lunch.  Please keep up those prayers...

Valentine's Day!

I don't put much thought into Valentine's Day and I sure don't know how it all started but I do have a wonderful husband that does what he can to spoil me. 

The nice thing is he will do something for his (our) daughter on Valentine's Day.  When the kids were little he would make a big deal for her and I would do a little something for our boys.



For me seeing my man do something special for our daughter made me love him even more. 

I have been married over 2 decades and I am very blessed to have a man that loves me and likes to do special things for me whenever he can.  I like it when I get a card for no other reason than he was thinking of me and wanted to get me a card.  When he picks up a special treat from the store because he is thinking of me.  When I am having a bad day and he takes time to listen and hug me.

In saying all that I will say that on Saturday I was feeling a bit left out regarding Valentine's Day.  You see my husband has been very, very busy at work.  So much so I hardly seen him at all last week.  He didn't have time to really think about me and I was OK with that until Sat. evening.  For some reason it just hit me.  I had been missing him but seeing all the Valentine commercials (I was watching way to much TV) made me miss him even more.  By the time he got home late Sat. night I was in tears.  He was tired but still listened to me as I cried my way through my "rough" week.

It didn't end there.  He listened as I cried through part of Sunday.  It was nice to have him next to me in church but sad knowing that after church he was heading back to work.

With a week of little sleep and putting in 3 weeks of work into one he still vacuumed the hall for me and went to the store with me even though he could barely stand from being so tired.  I was so thankful and told him so.

I did get him a card and he got me some chocolates (I picked them out).  I do miss my Valentine on this day and everyday he is not with me.  I am spoiled and I am a big baby...I like having my man around.

I do hope your Valentine's Day is a good one and what you hope for.  For me I just hope my husband doesn't have to work late again tonight but if he does my heart & prayers will be with him.

Doing something special and letting the one you love know it is not reserved for one day a year.  So remember to let the ones you love know that you love them all throughout the year.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Finding God's Will

Once again I am over-thinking my life and what I am suppose to do.  One would think at my age I would know but NOPE.  I do know I want to be walking in God's will and that brings me to where I am at now in my thinking (or over-thinking). 

What is God's will for my life?  Something I ask myself a lot BUT I am not the one I should be asking.  I do ask God what He wants me to do but I tend to get impatient and do things the way I think they should be done. 

So I have been working to figure out what God's will is for my life.  One thing I know is that He wants me to take ONE DAY AT A TIME!!  I am working on that one.

Part of this has to do with my job.  Since starting my job I have been stressed and that led to a depression which has made life difficult for me and my family (mostly my husband since the kids are older but I am sure it has affected them also).  I was trying to figure out if I did the "wrong" thing in taking this job.  Why was I feeling this way.  Why was I not content.  What was wrong with me.

So here are some things I HAVE figured out and learned about myself and about God's will in my life.

First, I know that God does NOT hide His will from us as long as we are seeking Him and wanting to live a life pleasing to him.  If we are walking daily with God and seeking Him then we are living His will for us. 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."  Romans 12:1-2

Second, there really is no "wrong" in taking the job.  I did and do feel like God blessed me with the job so that is one reason I was so frustrated with how things have turned out BUT then I started thinking back to when I went on the interview and how I said that I would take the job if offered because I would NOT make that mistake again.  Meaning that I was offered a job in the summer of 2009 and turned it down because I did not feel a peace about it.  This time I felt at peace either way.  I was in a good place and was happy if I was offered the job and would be happy if I was not.  So Yes, I believe He blessed me with the job.  I also believe I took a few things into my own hands and that is what added the stress and struggles along the way.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

At this time I feel at a crossroads in my job.  I have cut back my hours but still have the cons outweighing the pros in keeping the job.  So for now I will stick with it and just keep praying God will direct me on what I should do.  Give the "less" hours a try before making a final decision.  Plus I know that whether I stay at the job or not there is no "wrong" answer there because God can and will use me as long as I am walking with Him.


Next, I learned that when walking in God's will we will have peace.  Not perfect happiness or lack of stress and struggles just peace knowing we are right where God wants us.

There were a few questions that came up in my search for knowing God's will:

"What are your deepest longings?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"What is the desire of your heart, what is your heart telling you?"

This is where it really hit me.  As I was really drawing closer to God last spring I knew that I was really feeling a desire to strengthen my marriage and work on being the wife that my husband needs.  This is something I have worked on all our marriage BUT raising kids and other life events have made this more difficult.  

Just a little background--we had kids VERY young and were married when we were just kids.  We have had to grow up together and have had so many ups and downs that I was looking forward to this time in our lives to just be a "couple" and grow in that.  Since doing things a bit "backwards" by having a couple kids before getting married we have never really had time to just be a couple.  We are young, early 40's, and ALL our kids are adults now.  It is time for US!!  With my husbands job being a bit crazy and at times overwhelming and stressful I feel it is my job and my desire to be his support and love him and be there for him instead of being in a job that is causing me stress.  We don't need both of us stressed out--not a good combination.

OK, so now I know where my passion and desire is--I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE!!  It is what I have been for so long, that and being a stay at home mom.  Sometimes we think we want something but then when we get it we realize it is not really what we wanted but what we had is what we really wanted.  We just need to learn to be content with what we have and look at the positive and not let the negative make us discontent in a place we know we should be.

I love my husband with ALL my heart and I know I want to be his wife for the rest of my life.  I know I want to serve him.  My spiritual gifts are serving, mercy & encouragement and I thought it was time to take those gifts somewhere else.  I do believe God can and will continue to use my gifts as He sees the need outside my home but I do see that those gifts are there to also serve, show mercy & encourage my husband. 

 "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown."

Proverbs 12:4a 

I have said over the last couple weeks "I just want my life back" but what did I mean by that...I want to be where I was last spring before I started my job.  I want to be growing daily in the Truth and not be who I have become (a tired grumpy woman) which I don't like.  So that is my plan and I do hope, pray and believe it is God's plan for me as well.

Insanity

I LOVE this quote!!  I know that may seem weird but it is so true.  How many times do we continue to do the same things over and over hoping the end result will be different?

I will give you an example (not exact but close) of something I was doing.

Several years ago I wanted my husband to change something about himself (it is my job right since I am his wife).  So instead of praying about it I kept saying the same thing over and over to him hoping that he would get a clue and change.  GUESS WHAT??  It did NOT work!!  I realized WHAT I was saying was more demeaning than helpful so why would a guy want to change if he felt like he couldn't do better.  I know it is NOT my place to change him (which I have known this all my life but I think it is kind of human nature to try and change others).  Also nagging doesn't help--and I have been married long enough to know this but again I am hard-headed and stubborn.

So I try and remember this when I am trying to change something about myself (I know I can't change others but I sure can keep working on me).  No I am not insane--although I am sure there are plenty out there that would say I am.  I am just strong-willed, hard-headed and sometimes it takes a 2 by 4 across my head for God to get me to understand what He is trying to teach me.  I don't like that and wish I would just learn the first time and not have to go through the craziness.  I am a work in progress....

Life as I know it....

I am now a working woman and life as I knew it is different than what I have known for so long.  Of course life changes all the time.  This is a good...NO a GREAT change for me, just an adjustment and not just for me but also for my husband.  He is my biggest cheerleader but still having to adjust to a tired wife & a working wife.  I don't think it has been much of an adjustment for the kids, maybe a little but they are older and doing their own thing anyway. 

This is how I feel when I am home:

I am sure I will get used to all this soon and will not be so tired when I am home.  I did feel a bit overwhelmed on Thurs. after working Tues & Wed knowing I was working Friday.  I just felt like I had a lot to do and not enough time to get it all done in.  How did I take care of everything when I worked before?  At that time I had 2 small kids BUT I was younger and didn't know as much about life as I do now.  Plus I wasn't away from home for 14 hours on the days I worked.  Right now I drive to work watching the sunrise & home watching the sunset--pretty cool but I know that will change with the seasons.

I do know that I am absolutely LOVING my job.  I know I am right where God wants me at this time in my life.  I find I am so tired at home but I have the energy I need for those long days.  I appreciate all the prayers from family & friends that are praying for me--they are helping.  I see God's hand in everything I am doing and how He has been working in & through me in this job.  I feel so blessed I don't even have words for how I feel.

On Thurs, my day off, I asked my husband if I could just be a lazy housewife.  Of course that is not what I want but I was feeling so tired and overwhelmed.  I am over that...at least for today.

As I was preparing for my week I was cutting strawberries to take for a snack and it reminded me of when my kids were younger and cutting up LOTS of fruit for them and standing at the sink for a long time to cut all kinds of fruit to have it all eaten in a very short time.  Four kids can go through fruit FAST.  I usually made 2-3 bowls and made them eat it over 2-3 days instead of all at once.  Anyway, as I was standing there cutting the strawberries I thought of that and I was a little sad, I was missing having young ones around but I know that phase of my life has passed and one day I hope to be cutting strawberries for my grandkids.  It is funny how ones perspective on an event from years ago can be so different.  Back then I am sure I was dealing with impatient kids and a list of things to get done while cutting all that fruit but now all I remember is how much I loved doing that for my kids.  I don't think about any of the "stresses" that may have been surrounding me at that time in my life.  Interesting!!

OK, a little off the subject but that is how my brain works--haha.  I have been working on a balance to make sure I put God as my first priority of everyday.  I am getting up and have my spot where I sit and have a little prayer then do my devotion & the Bible reading to go with that.  I then listen to worship music as I get ready, then on my drive to work I use that as my prayer time.  So far this is working out very well for me.  I feel that God has prepared me well for this job and he will cont. to give me what I need to cont. to do this work for him.  I see it more as a ministry for God to use me than a job.  I pray God will use me to serve everyone I work with.

One verse that I came across about a week ago has been a BIG help for me is Psalm 37:5 (this is the NLT version).  I made a card up to carry with me and here is what it looks like:

I pray this everyday.  I commit ALL I do to the Lord, Trust him & ask for his help knowing he will help me in all I do. 

How reassuring!!

(I am not sure why I used this picture but I thought it cute even though the cat is after the little birdies).

Week ONE!!

WOOHOO!!  I made it through week one of my new job without, well, dying.  Getting up between 4:30-5 a.m. is really not my idea of fun BUT I do love mornings--just NOT that early.  I am VERY thankful that by midweek my energy was back from my illness.  Thankful that the first 3 days I did a lot of sitting.  I am home, still in scrubs, cute ones by the way, wanting...no needing SLEEP!!  

   

I feel like I have not seen my family but this is all new and I do believe they all understand.  My husband has been so supportive and happy for me.  I went to ask him about his day and apologize for not being "around" both physically and mentally this week and he said that is fine and normal.  I have to get used to this and it will take a little time and he is just fine with that.  What a wonderful man I have!

Tuesday is when I got home around 6, and the evening was a blur.  I had to wash & iron my scrubs, shower, eat dinner and I HAD to be in bed by 9 pm.  With a little help I had it all done and asleep by 9:05pm.  The next day I could tell my energy was coming back.  Still tired but happy and tired.

I just feel so very blessed that God has placed me in this job.  Even when I had times I was really tired or didn't feel the best I knew I was exactly where God wanted me--I have had NO DOUBTS!!  Now I am looking forward to the next part of my orientation and that is on the floor I will be working and I will be working 3- 12 hour shifts a week.  To me that sounds better than M-F all day.  I say BRING IT ON, I AM READY!!

In my devotion this morning a verse I read really helped me since I was really struggling with being so tired even after a good night sleep.  I read it several times because it just really reminded me what I need to do.

"Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him, and he will help you."  Psalm 37:5

So I made sure to commit my day to the Lord and I had a really good day.  Still tired but a good tired.  He is always there to help me and I work to always Trust Him.  So a great way to end a great week and start a great weekend.  I plan to continue to commit everything to God AND trust Him always.

If I don't quit now I will just keep on rambling since I am so tired.  Have a great weekend and I will be back very soon for more updates.  Updates on some struggles I had this week......stay tuned.

Are you Unbalanced?

Do you feel like you have to many things going on?  Do you feel rushed a lot or frazzled with all of life's demands?  Well I do, at least at times.

This past week I would have a good day then I would feel frazzled about a lot of little things and then a good day then the next frazzled again.  I have been working to balance my life.  This is not easy since there are so many unknowns that come up.  When you are married and have kids it is very hard to stay balanced but not impossible.

I am learning a lot of how to balance my life and part of that is saying NO to things.  This is not easy when I feel pulled in different directions.  I am learning what my priorities are.  I have always known the order--or what I thought was the order:  God, Husband, Kids, Others  That makes sense--right?  Well there seems to be something...or someone missing in that list.  ME!!  It may sound a bit selfish but it is not.  I (we) have to take care of ourselves to be able to take care of others.  I don't mean I am putting ME at the top of others in all circumstances but I have to put me in there somewhere.

Let see where I should put ME......Me, God--no that can't work.  I think it would have to be...God, me, Husband, Kids, Others!!  Yep that works.  Notice that the ME in that list is a little ME.  That is because I feel that we have to put ourselves up there as a priority but for our basic needs (time with God, food, sleep, self care, etc...) not to put ourselves up there so that we are off doing things all the time without thinking of others.  I know when I am well rested, eating good and taking care of myself I have time & energy for just about anything that comes up.  Makes my husband happy to see me taking care of myself and I like to see my husband happy.

Do I think as woman, mothers, wives that we should take time out for ourselves for fun--absolutely!!!  The key here is BALANCE! 

As long as we are spending time with God, taking care of our husbands, kids and ourselves it seems to all fall into place.  I don't know about you but I want to be Supermom but I tried that and my cape burned up in flight.  We can't do it all and we have to make time for ourselves.

For me I think this may be a life long challenge but we will see.  God has really been doing a lot of work in me and I like where He is taking me.  I just have to remember to surrender to Him daily and stay in His will and I will have a joy-filled life.  Will I get frazzled--most likely but I am hoping that those days will become less and less the closer I walk with my Lord.