'Tis the Season

Have you been busy?  I know I have.  Sometimes it is easy to forget the TRUE meaning of Christmas.  With all the shopping and grumpy people due to bad traffic and long lines.  It is easy to forget WHY we celebrate this time of year.

I will confess that this year has been a rough one on me.  I have missed a lot of church from either working or being sick.  This makes it more difficult.  I have had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit.  Due to work schedules (with almost all of my kids and myself working on Christmas Eve) it has made me re-think how to "do" Christmas. 

It is interesting how things change through the years.  This is the first year we do NOT have a tree.  That could change, we have gotten a tree just days before Christmas before but with all the crazy schedules and the fact that we will be "doing" Christmas at my folks on Christmas Day it just doesn't seem worth the money and time to put one up.  I have not put up any decorations or anything.  In some ways it feels weird and in others it feels OK.  Things change as we change and our families change. 

It is nice to have the good memories & also fun to make new ones. 

I am just so very thankful & blessed to have such a wonderful family. 

So as the "day" fast approaches I stop and think that it is not about a day it is about the birth of Christ and the reason He came to earth as a baby and grew to a man.  A man that took on ALL our sins on the cross then rose again so that we may have eternal life with Him.  Now that is a GIFT!!  No returns, no exchanges...it is ours to keep once we except it.  

HE TRULY IS THE BEST GIFT EVER!!

So I want to wish you ALL a Very Merry CHRISTmas!!

Giving Thanks

I know Thanksgiving was last week BUT we are to always give thanks in ALL circumstances.  This is not always easy to do but after working Thanksgiving day and having 2 family Thanksgiving gatherings I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

So better late than never--right!

I am very thankful for my family & friends!!  Well that wasn't to hard now was it. 

OK, to make it a bit more challenging and to make you and I think more on what we are thankful for I received an email from Tommy Newberry the writer of The 4:8 Principle I have mentioned before on this very thing.  You can get to it by this link http://www.tommynewberry.com/index.php/blog.  Read about Genuine Gratitude or just go towards the end and click on the link to the GRATITUDE GAME.  There are 12 questions to make you think about what you are thankful for.  For me some were very easy and others were a bit more difficult. 

Even when life is tough there is always something to be thankful for.  I recently had a devotion that was saying we are to be thankful in ALL cirumstances--that means good and bad.  WOW that is not easy, at least not for me.  I mean I can find things to be thankful for but to be thankful for what I am going through--Not easy and honestly I am not good at that.  I can look back and see how God really worked on me during those tough times and then be thankful for the "fire" I was under but not good at is during the "fire".

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

That doesn't mean that all things will be good.  It means that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him--big difference.

It would be nice if we all had easy sailing through this life but we don't.  We are put through the fire for a reason and that is to refine us to be more like Jesus.

"I will put this third through the fire; I will refine them as silver is refined and test them as gold is tested.  They will call on My name, and I will answer them.  I will say: They are My people, and they will say: The LORD is our God." Zechariah 13:9

I am sure many have had this email (poem) come around but I thought I would share it here:

Malachi 3:3

“And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver…”


This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
“And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver…”
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.


The man answered that yes,


He not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.


The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'


He smiled at her and answered,


'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'


If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Well, I am not sure how I got from Thankfulness to this but somehow I did.  Maybe because I feel I have been in that "fire" lately and it is very reassuring that God has his eye on me at ALL times to make sure I am not destroyed (even though sometimes it feels like I will be).  He is there to refine me and make me more like Jesus--for this I am VERY THANKFUL!!

So today just take a moment and think about what you are thankful for right now.  I would also challenge you to start your mornings with a few things you are thankful for before you even get out of bed.  Then at night as you go to bed before you fall asleep list off a few things you are thankful for.  Before long you will feel more graditude for the things in life.  That is a good feeling.

God Bless!!

Finding God's Will

Once again I am over-thinking my life and what I am suppose to do.  One would think at my age I would know but NOPE.  I do know I want to be walking in God's will and that brings me to where I am at now in my thinking (or over-thinking). 

What is God's will for my life?  Something I ask myself a lot BUT I am not the one I should be asking.  I do ask God what He wants me to do but I tend to get impatient and do things the way I think they should be done. 

So I have been working to figure out what God's will is for my life.  One thing I know is that He wants me to take ONE DAY AT A TIME!!  I am working on that one.

Part of this has to do with my job.  Since starting my job I have been stressed and that led to a depression which has made life difficult for me and my family (mostly my husband since the kids are older but I am sure it has affected them also).  I was trying to figure out if I did the "wrong" thing in taking this job.  Why was I feeling this way.  Why was I not content.  What was wrong with me.

So here are some things I HAVE figured out and learned about myself and about God's will in my life.

First, I know that God does NOT hide His will from us as long as we are seeking Him and wanting to live a life pleasing to him.  If we are walking daily with God and seeking Him then we are living His will for us. 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."  Romans 12:1-2

Second, there really is no "wrong" in taking the job.  I did and do feel like God blessed me with the job so that is one reason I was so frustrated with how things have turned out BUT then I started thinking back to when I went on the interview and how I said that I would take the job if offered because I would NOT make that mistake again.  Meaning that I was offered a job in the summer of 2009 and turned it down because I did not feel a peace about it.  This time I felt at peace either way.  I was in a good place and was happy if I was offered the job and would be happy if I was not.  So Yes, I believe He blessed me with the job.  I also believe I took a few things into my own hands and that is what added the stress and struggles along the way.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

At this time I feel at a crossroads in my job.  I have cut back my hours but still have the cons outweighing the pros in keeping the job.  So for now I will stick with it and just keep praying God will direct me on what I should do.  Give the "less" hours a try before making a final decision.  Plus I know that whether I stay at the job or not there is no "wrong" answer there because God can and will use me as long as I am walking with Him.


Next, I learned that when walking in God's will we will have peace.  Not perfect happiness or lack of stress and struggles just peace knowing we are right where God wants us.

There were a few questions that came up in my search for knowing God's will:

"What are your deepest longings?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"What is the desire of your heart, what is your heart telling you?"

This is where it really hit me.  As I was really drawing closer to God last spring I knew that I was really feeling a desire to strengthen my marriage and work on being the wife that my husband needs.  This is something I have worked on all our marriage BUT raising kids and other life events have made this more difficult.  

Just a little background--we had kids VERY young and were married when we were just kids.  We have had to grow up together and have had so many ups and downs that I was looking forward to this time in our lives to just be a "couple" and grow in that.  Since doing things a bit "backwards" by having a couple kids before getting married we have never really had time to just be a couple.  We are young, early 40's, and ALL our kids are adults now.  It is time for US!!  With my husbands job being a bit crazy and at times overwhelming and stressful I feel it is my job and my desire to be his support and love him and be there for him instead of being in a job that is causing me stress.  We don't need both of us stressed out--not a good combination.

OK, so now I know where my passion and desire is--I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE!!  It is what I have been for so long, that and being a stay at home mom.  Sometimes we think we want something but then when we get it we realize it is not really what we wanted but what we had is what we really wanted.  We just need to learn to be content with what we have and look at the positive and not let the negative make us discontent in a place we know we should be.

I love my husband with ALL my heart and I know I want to be his wife for the rest of my life.  I know I want to serve him.  My spiritual gifts are serving, mercy & encouragement and I thought it was time to take those gifts somewhere else.  I do believe God can and will continue to use my gifts as He sees the need outside my home but I do see that those gifts are there to also serve, show mercy & encourage my husband. 

 "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown."

Proverbs 12:4a 

I have said over the last couple weeks "I just want my life back" but what did I mean by that...I want to be where I was last spring before I started my job.  I want to be growing daily in the Truth and not be who I have become (a tired grumpy woman) which I don't like.  So that is my plan and I do hope, pray and believe it is God's plan for me as well.

Correction...

In my last post I had a link to the Proverbs 31 site and it was incorrect.  Here is the correct link to that site:  http://www.proverbs31.org/. 

Hope that one works!!

Thursday Thoughts

I have been up since 6 a.m. when it is one of the few days I could have slept it...what is up with that!!

So since I got up earlier than I wanted to I thought I could get a lot of things done today since I work tomorrow and have a very busy week ahead.  I feel the next "free" day I have will be a week from tomorrow--Oct. 29th.

Here I am sitting at my computer just after noon and if feels like it should be around 4 or 5 but hey I am glad it is still "early" in the day.

You are probably thinking what in the world is the post about?  Well it is just my thoughts and they may not really have much order to them but I wanted to share so if you are bored then stop here if you are curious than keep reading.

I actually have done quite a bit this morning but you wouldn't know it by looking around my house--still working on that.  I do know that it is a beautiful day with the sun shining in and for some reason I keep thinking it is Friday but that is what happens when your schedule is not normal.

Lately I have felt like I have been dealing with brain fog.  Not fun thinking it is because I am getting older but it really started as my stress built over the last few months working a new job.  So I do believe that it is the stress more than my age BUT I am sure there is some of that in there also but I am going to remain in denial over that part.

OK about my job--I love it but there have been things that have really stressed me out and I have not dealt with that stress so well.  One is I am a planner and this is a job that the schedule changes ALL the time.  The only consistent thing is working every 3rd weekend.  Which brings me to the next stress--working every 3rd weekend.  I actually like working on weekends and it does give my husband a chance to go and do things without worrying about me and what I think BUT it means that I am missing church every 3rd Sunday--this I don't like.

When I was offered the job I was given a PRN or as needed position meaning I only had to work 1 day every 2 weeks or just 2 times a month.  I wanted more...or so I thought.  I do like being there more BUT I don't think it is what is best for me or my family right now.  I have been out of the work force for a long time and have gotten used to one way of doing things (my way) so it is a BIG adjustment.  I did get more just shortly after I started.  There was a part time (2 days a week) position open and I took it. 

So I went from training which was full time (3 days a week) to part time and now I have asked to go back to PRN but I can't get that until Nov. 21st.  I feel like all I do is go from work day to work day and I am not catching up.  I feel like I have lost focus a bit and that is why I am struggling.  The thing with PRN is I can pick up more hours if I want.  A wise woman told me that I tried what I thought I wanted but realized it is not what I really want, at least not right now in my life and thankfully I am able to go back without having to quit something I love doing.  Makes sense.

One thing is clear and that no matter how stressed I have been or how off track I get from doing my own thing God is ALWAYS right there with me.  Thankfully I have kept up with my daily devotions because I do believe that is the only reason I have not lost my mind at this point (I still have just over 4 weeks of working part time plus other things to get through so I could still lose it).

Last Sunday when I was working I had some time to read.  It happens, not often but it does and it is good when it does.  I get some online devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Here is the site if you are interested:  www.proverbs31.org/devotional.  I print them out and take them with me in case I do get some time it gives me something good to read and they are short so that helps.  I was reading one titled Hold That Thought! which really hit home to me.  She is talking about being busy which I have blogged about before but the point is spending time with Jesus.  Putting everything and I mean EVERYTHING aside to just sit alone with Jesus.  He should be our "first" part everyday.  Jesus says "Follow me" and not after we read emails or deal with the kids or do dishes or...I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

"But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:33

I think that is clear.  What do you think? 

Another one I read yesterday was on dealing with "hard" times.  Boy could I relate.  She was talking about Job--I can't relate that well and don't ever want to.  But we all face hard times the thing is how do we deal with them.  How do we handle life during trials.  Do we turn to others, medications (and I am not condemning the use of medicine here), drugs, alcohol, sex, internet, TV, etc...OR do we turn to Jesus!  I know I don't always turn to Jesus first but I usually find my way there eventually I just wish I would turn to Him first and maybe the pain or suffering would not be as bad.  Not that it would change but I would change in how I handle it.  **I love the prayers at the end of these devotions and the application steps.

OK if you are still with me then WOOHOO!!  AND THANKS!!  Don't know if any of this helps anyone but just a few things on my mind and believe me I could go on but I think I have bored you enough for today.

Now to just remind myself to take one day at a time and continue to put Jesus FIRST in my life EVERY DAY!!

God Bless and have a GREAT weekend!!

Working to get back up again

I know that sounds like an odd title but maybe it will make sense as I write and maybe it won't.  I am not that good with words I just know what is in my mind and in my heart.

Lately life has been getting to me.  I tend to stress over just about anything.  I do not have a laid back personality which is both a gift and a curse.  Right now more a curse but I do it to myself and I know it.

I know others care and how I know is what I am going to tell you now.

To make a LONG story a bit shorter I will not go into great detail.  I recently got myself really worked up over something and I would talk (well complain) to my husband about it.  This was going on for a time and I did not like who I was dealing with this issue.  Yesterday it kind of came to a head so to speak and I went back and forth from being OK to being really upset.

When I was first really upset I called my husband who was very busy and could not talk so I then called a friend of mine who is an angel and talked me through my options.  I made a call I needed to make and then called her back.  After talking & crying some more she suggested we get together today and she would go with me to take care of something I needed to take care of.

So I went and picked her up and we went on our way.  I had a wonderful day with her and even got to have lunch with my husband and her--FUN!!  After I dropped her off is when I started really thinking.  OK I think ALL the time so this is nothing new but I was thinking of how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I have.

This is where I went down my list of friends and the ones that have really been there for me.  I had to stop and think to make sure "am I being there for them".  I do hope and pray that is the case because I don't want a one-sided friendship.  Those don't usually last a long time anyway.  It is very hard for someone to always be the giver in a relationship.  I have been there.

I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I do have I truly love with all my heart.  I don't need a lot of friends that are deep as the ones I am thinking of right now.

I think about how I love and feel so very blessed to have these friends in my life and then I thought of how much they have given to me and must love me or they would not do the things they do for me.

I know that my family loves me and I love them and here I am talking about people in our lives that really choose to love us and we choose to love them.  As much as I love my parents and children they are not who I am talking about although I would give my life in a second for any of them.  I will say that my husband is my very best friend.  He does choose to love me and I him and believe me that man is awesome to know ALL about me and still love me--WOW!!  I am truly blessed there.

So I just want to thank my friend that helped me out the last couple days.  Thank my friends that have been there for me when I needed them.  You are ALL awesome and I thank God for blessing me with your friendship.

"A friend loves at all times"  Proverbs 17:17a

OK maybe I should have titled this "FRIENDS"!!

"I'm Busy"

My husband uses Our Daily Bread devotional and I do at times but not recently.  He will usually tell me when he reads one that he knows I would want to read and yesterdays was one that really hit home with me so I would like to share it with you.

This is from Our Daily Bread on Oct. 4th.  You can find all their devotions on their website at http://odb.org/.

Keeping Busy?

October 4, 2010 — by Julie Ackerman Link

But does God determine our value by how busy we are? Does He calculate our worth by how much we accomplish? Does He reward us for living on the edge of exhaustion and not taking care of ourselves?

One of the first verses I learned as a child was Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” It didn’t mean much to me at the time because I didn’t understand weariness. But now that I’m older, I feel the temptation to keep pace with the world so I won’t be left behind.

But followers of Jesus don’t have to live like that. Not only has He released us from slavery to sin but also from the bondage of having to prove our worth.

Accomplishing a lot for God may make us feel important, but what makes us important to God is what we allow Him to accomplish in us—conforming us into the image of His Son (Rom. 8:28-30).

Christ never asks of us such busy labor

As leaves no time for resting at His feet;

The waiting attitude of expectation

He often counts as service most complete. —Anon.

Our value is not measured by what we do for God but by what He has done in us.

I got so much out of that. I am that "busy" person. I feel I need to make sure others know that I have a "full" plate and if I am not "busy" then I feel like I am not "good enough" as a woman. Now that I am working I find it even more difficult to just relax and sit at the feet of Jesus. Between work days I have things to get done AND I am exhausted all the time.


Recently I realized just how much I was NOT taking care of myself and started making some changes. Some of the changes are slow in coming but it will happen.

I love my job but I don't want to neglect the most important things in my life and those are:
*Spending time with my Lord everyday
*Taking care of myself (exercise/rest/eating right)
*Spending time & taking care of my family
*Spending time with friends

So how "busy" are you? Just something to think about...

Insanity

I LOVE this quote!!  I know that may seem weird but it is so true.  How many times do we continue to do the same things over and over hoping the end result will be different?

I will give you an example (not exact but close) of something I was doing.

Several years ago I wanted my husband to change something about himself (it is my job right since I am his wife).  So instead of praying about it I kept saying the same thing over and over to him hoping that he would get a clue and change.  GUESS WHAT??  It did NOT work!!  I realized WHAT I was saying was more demeaning than helpful so why would a guy want to change if he felt like he couldn't do better.  I know it is NOT my place to change him (which I have known this all my life but I think it is kind of human nature to try and change others).  Also nagging doesn't help--and I have been married long enough to know this but again I am hard-headed and stubborn.

So I try and remember this when I am trying to change something about myself (I know I can't change others but I sure can keep working on me).  No I am not insane--although I am sure there are plenty out there that would say I am.  I am just strong-willed, hard-headed and sometimes it takes a 2 by 4 across my head for God to get me to understand what He is trying to teach me.  I don't like that and wish I would just learn the first time and not have to go through the craziness.  I am a work in progress....

I must confess...

...I just posted on the words we speak and I have to say that although I work hard to watch what I say to others I am not so quick to think before I speak to my husband.  The one person I love the most in the world (well besides my kids).  I choose to love him and he chooses to love me.

Recently I have been struggling with stress which is not new to me but it has been at a higher level and affecting my life and my marriage.  I can be nice to everyone else but I tend to take out my frustrations on my husband.  This is not right nor is it fair to him.

My devotions recently have been exactly what I need at this time in my life--huh??  I am reminded that God knows my future, knows my schedule and knows my struggles.  He is already there so I don't need to keep stressing over these things.  Why can't I get that through my thick head.  I guess that is part of being a strong-willed, hard-headed, type A personality. 

Sometimes I wish God would just flash a neon sign in front of me telling me what to do instead of me having to WAIT.  I can be very impatient at times.  I know that at times He does answer so clearly and other times not so much.  Sometimes we have to walk through the muck and mire of trials, stressful situations & things we don't want to do to get to a better place.  NOT FUN!!

I know that God has plans for me.  I am blessed with so much and have nothing to complain about.  I just fine things to complain about--I am working on that also. 

So during this time of stress & struggling I keep praying, learning, growing and reminding myself to take care of myself and control my tongue. 

One day it will all be clear to me.  One day I won't have the stress and struggles of life.  One day life will be perfect and that day will be when I meet Jesus face-to-face.  Until then I will cont. to rely on the TRUTH of God's Word.  Trust Him to see me through these difficult times.  And wait patiently on my Lord.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord,and wait patiently for him to act."  Psalm 37:7 

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:24-26 

I place my hope in God!!



Let's Talk

I have been wanting to do this for a long time but have had other things come up or just didn't take the time to sit down and get it all out. 

I have been reminded over and over that the words we speak matter.  As I researched verses for this months ago I came up with so many that I am sure I would never be able to get to all of them.  So obviously if God thinks what we say is so important that it is clear in so much of the Bible then I think it is very important that WE take what we say to others very seriously.

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."  Proverbs 12:18

I think that is pretty clear.  As I sit here I think of all the times I was "reckless" with my words.  OUCH!!  I don't want to be that way and I try not to but I am guilty of spitting out things that hurt others.

When I get angry I am not always careful about what I say--OUCH!!

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." 

 James 1:19-20

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."  Psalm 141:3

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." Proverbs 13:3

This is just a start.  I challenge you to take some time and look up all the verses in your Bible that talk about the words we speak and how they matter.  Be prepared to spend some quality time in the Word.  I won't even go into all the verses on gossip, taming the tongue, and complaining.  Maybe some other time.

I do know that I want to be the woman that really works to make sure that what I say to others (and to myself because that matters also--that is another blog) is for building them up not tearing them down.

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."  Proverbs 31:26 (NLT)

"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."  Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

That is the woman I want to be!!

Also, remember what you think and what is in your heart comes out in your words.  We don't just speak words that have not at least crossed our minds at some point or live in our hearts.  Like angry, hurtful words towards someone that we have anger towards in our hearts.

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."  Luke 6:45

So as I go about my day-to-day activities I will continue to think on positive things, keep my heart & mind pure and think about what I will say before I say it.  Will I always get it right--NOPE but I thank God that He forgives me when I mess up.  I hope and pray that when I mess up that the person I have hurt will also forgive me (and let me know if I have hurt them and didn't know I did).

That is the short version of what I had planned on (I bet you are happy about that--hehe).  To me these are powerful passages and speak volumes.  Words of Truth I NEED to hear!!

Just had to add this.  Gotta love Maxine!

Falling down...

...is not FUN!!  So here's the story.  Yesterday I was working and it was going fine when I went to get a room ready for a kiddo coming from surgery.  There had been another kid in there earlier and the cleaning crew had come in and got the room all nice and clean.  This is all good.  I got ALL the stuff I needed for the kiddo coming in and as I took a few steps inside the room...WAMMMM I was on the ground BUT the linens were in my left hand up in the air NOT touching the floor (this is very important).  I hit hard and it hurt.  My right hand and wrist started bruising right away.  I had help immediately but I was afraid they would fall so told them to be careful.  Usually the cleaning crew will leave a sign outside the room to let us know the floor is still wet.  There was NO sign.  I was more embarrassed than anything at the time except my hand hurt.  I had to go to occupational health (sorry but that was a joke--"can you bend your elbow?"--YES, "can you bend your wrist?"--YES, "do you need to see a doctor?"--NO--that was it).  So back to work I went and I had people asking the rest of the day if I was OK and I was but I knew I hit that floor hard and I knew I would be sore once I slowed down.

So I have had a lot of ibuprofen to help and my wonderful husband got me some before I got out of bed this morning since I was already feeling the aches from the fall.  As my day has gone on I have felt the aches and pains of that fall but I am fine.  I have bruises that I am thinking "how did I get that one from the fall" but who knows. 

Thankfully I have today off and the weekend for that matter--WOOHOO!!  I have a date planned with my hubby but a few of the things we thought about (bowling was one) we are not going to do since I fell.  Don't want to make anything worse.  We can still have FUN!!

I haven't been on much or posting things I want because 1) I have been busy, 2) I have been really stressed out lately & 3) been feeling a bit down but thankfully feeling a bit better today.  I am sure the "down" moods have been from the stress and I am working on that. 

Just read in my devotion this morning on having a "full" schedule, even if it is filled with "good" things is NOT good.  There is a season for everything and God does not want us filling our schedules to the point we don't have time for Him, family, friends & ourselves.  Even if those things are things that we know we are doing to serve God.  Like I said a season for everything and we need to make sure to check in and ask God what He wants us to be doing NOT just doing.  Maybe this is NOT the right time to take on teaching Sunday school or volunteering with the elderly.

As I read it reminded me of how I had been asking God about balancing work and home and then a week later He took away my volunteering.  My volunteering was a good thing and I really loved doing it.  I miss it but that season is over and it is time to move on and that is what I am doing.  That freed me up to make more time for my family.  I think God knew I wouldn't just give it up easily so He just took it.

I am still working towards that balance.  Some days are much better than others.  It is only the middle of Sept. and I am already stressing about the holidays.  Why, you ask?  I am a planner and the one thing about my job is I don't know what I am working until about 12 days before the next 4 week schedule comes out.  Very hard to plan.  Also I know I will be working 2 major holidays this year and my husband will be off.  My husband has reminded me that maybe I am the one that needs to be there on those days.  God uses me at work so much and I feel so blessed to be there.  I also know that God already knows my schedule and so I need not worry about it. 

I thought of changing my "worry" box to a "stress & worry" box since I feel so much stress at times.

Well I started this with my falling down story and then rambled on about other things.  That is me and how my life is...what can I say.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I hope to be back with more next week!!

What are YOU doing??

I just thought this was too funny!!  I am sitting at MY computer when I should be doing other things.  Just checking to see if anyone is with me. 

PLUS just wanted to make you smile (it makes me laugh looking at it).

Have a GREAT day!!

Last Saturday

OK, not the greatest title but that is what I am going to talk about for just a minute here.  I worked last Sat. (and Monday on this 3 day weekend) and my day started off on the wrong foot, so to speak.  I didn't sleep well, had a nightmare that I woke crying in and when I was getting ready I read an email that made me cry.  Obviously something was "off" in me.  My mood was not the best and I really didn't want to go to work.  Not because I don't like my job but for other reasons.  I wanted to be home with my husband on this nice weekend.  I have felt "less" at work because I am not a nurse (this is a me issue that I have to work on).  So on my way I went with the wrong attitude to start my day.  I prayed on the way there that God would help me and change my attitude.

The day was busy and at times a bit crazy but it was going and I was enjoying taking care of others I just had that nagging negative thought going through my head that I am not good enough because I am not a nurse.  This of course is a LIE and I know it but that didn't stop my mind from going back to it over and over.

There is a wonderful young lady that is also a care assistant but in nursing school and will soon be a nurse but she has been in my shoes and is so easy to talk to.  I just adore her and she has been a big emotional support for me in my job.  She was working on Sat. and so I asked if we could talk a minute and we did and she encouraged me but it was still hard.  I do get nurses encouraging me to go on to nursing school and that doesn't help either.

OK, so I am rambling let me get to my point...

After I had eaten my lunch I had time so I called my husband and he was busy doing yard work and having a good day--without me--this made me sad but I was happy his day was going well.  I then get off the phone and realize I have 15 minutes left for my lunch break and I was all alone.  So I had me a little conversation with God.  This went on for the rest of my break and then I went on back to work.  Was my mood better?  No, not really but I was working on it. 

A bit later I was feeding a boy that could do nothing for himself.  He has to totally rely on someone else for his survival.  This was the 3rd time that day I was feeding him and when I do I talk to him even though I am not sure he hears me.  I said a little prayer for him and then out of the blue I could just feel God saying to me "whatever you do for the least of these you do for me".  OK God I get it.  You put me here.  You took away my desire to go on to nursing school.  I love what I do there--most of the time.  I am there to serve these kids, their families and the nurses.  I am usually great with that but it has recently been bothering me.  I was "feeling" less important because I am not a nurse.  I look at everyone as important no matter their education level or job or anything.  Why can't I look at myself that way.  God does.

I think of all the people in the Bible God called to serve and most of them were "less" in the eyes of society at that time.  God did GREAT things through these people.  As long as we are walking in God's will and want to be used it doesn't matter where He puts us it just matters that we go and do in Jesus name. 

I am still working on all this.  I don't want to go to nursing school, I don't believe that is where God wants me.  I have no peace about it.  So I have to keep praying God will work this out in my heart and I will remember that I am working for God and not man.

Here is the passage that I got once I got home and looked up what I felt God was telling me.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory.  All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

Matthew 25:31-40

Also as I worked on my thoughts about myself and my position at work this verse came to mind.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."  Col. 3:23-24

I just have to remember that I am working for God, NOT man.  This really helped me when I was back on Monday--Labor Day.  That day went better for me. 

So, no pictures in this post which is odd for me but I really wanted to share my heart and how God is working even when I am being a big baby about life.  This too shall pass...

The Ups and Downs of Life

It has been a couple weeks since I have posted and there is good reason...I have been busy and a bit stressed over a few things.  That is no reason but that is the fact.

The DOWNS in life I have, unfortunately, let get the best of me, at least at times.  More times than not to tell the truth.  This is something I don't like about myself and am working to change but it is NOT easy.

A couple weeks ago my husband was doing his devotion and said he really wanted to memorize a passage he just read.  I have been working, wanting, thinking about memorizing scripture lately.  I am not consistent with it but want to try a verse a week.  I told him I would memorize it with him.  I read the first verse a couple times got frustrated and gave up.  I need to just take one verse over a week or even 2 weeks instead of working on several verses at one time.  I was feeling so overwhelmed so I gave up and have YET to start again with another verse.  THIS IS ONE OF MY GOALS!!

I have set myself some goals.  Recently I was thinking about how I want to make sure I am a godly wife, good housewife, mom, friend, daughter, etc...  PLUS I want to do my best at my job.  So I have been praying for balance and direction in these areas.  Sometimes we don't always get the answers we want but once we think about it we realize that is exactly what was needed.

For example, I have been a volunteer for the last 2 years at the children's hospital I now work at.  Since I started my job I have only been able to get in to volunteer once I think.  My schedule is now where I could go in a bit more regular and I was very excited to be able to do that again.  Last week I got an email from my volunteer supervisor saying I can no longer volunteer in patient care areas.  WHAT???  I was so sad and hurt by this and the way she put it in the email it did not make sense to me (well it made sense but not WHY I couldn't volunteer anymore).  I cried over this and then had to keep going since I was to work the next day.  While in the shower it occurred to me that maybe this was a God thing.  Maybe this was God's way of answering my prayers.  I was not going to let it go so He took it from me.  I had done my part and now it was time to move on.  I am still sad about it but after thinking through it and then talking to my supervisor it all makes sense to me now.  With that no longer an option I now have more time to work on being a better housewife & do my best on my job.

After my shower I was ready for bed and sat down to read an online devotional I get and what was it all about...doing too much as women so we don't have to deal with LIFE!  Either we are living in chaos with a frazzled life or so stressed trying to control every aspect of our lives.  Of course this is not all women but it sure hit home with me that night.

The author of the devotion advised us to sit quietly with God.  Relax in His presence.  Being still with God is not always easy to do.  Our minds race with ALL the things we have to do.  God knows everything we have to do there are NO surprises to Him.  This is reassuring to me.  We need to let go of our fears, worries and doubts and just make room for God.

So I took a look at my calendar and started to "plan".  My schedule changes but I do know I work 2 days a week and every 3rd weekend so job...check.  I want to do better with my chores and since my work schedule changes I can't really say I will do this or that every Sat. so I made out a chart and will plan a week at a time so chores...check.  I have TIME WITH GOD at the very top, first thing in the morning on my weekly schedule, so quiet time with God...check.  I have to make sure I have some down time and time with my husband everyday so...check/check.  I feel like I am starting to be able to put things together.  I do know that plans change so I am going to make sure I stay flexible.

Since reading that devotion I have been working on the verse that she started with:

"Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

I have more stresses that have been getting to me.  The monthly devotional I use I could not get so I went to the Christian book store and found a Beth Moore devotional on David.  Cool, this will keep me going for a while and it looks really good so I will have to let you know how it is.  It is called A Heart Like His.  I plan to start that in the morning.  I also have to go to work and self schedule--pick the days I want to work not including my weekends.  There are rules and I am just hoping I can get there and NOT have to work the days I don't want to.  I am pretty flexible I just have 3 days I don't want to work on that schedule so we will see.  I have been really working to trust God in all this since I have seen Him work out my schedule this whole time so why would He stop now.  Doesn't mean it will be just what I want but I know it will be OK no matter what.

So that has been my life lately and I guess I didn't really put any UP's in there but there are several ups to be happy about and I am still working on being positive although that is not always easy.  I am very thankful to have a wonderful husband, great kids, great friends, wonderful church, great family, great job.........so, so many things to be thankful for so there are quite a few UP's in my life.  I just have to make sure I keep looking at them and not the downs.