.....Ummmm

OK, so last week was my first week on my job and it went just fine.  I said I would come back with some struggles I had.  Well here I am and I am not sure where to start. 

Besides recovering from an illness, being tired and a bit overwhelmed with so much information I did have a bit of a struggle with......ENVY!

What was I envious of? 

Here is a little background to let you in on why I had/have a bit of a struggle with this.

I became a Medical Assistant right out of high school and loved it.  I worked part time as I was raising my kids but found that to be a bit much and then quit.  I had a desire to someday become a nurse.  Through the years I have taken classes to slowly get me to that goal.  Since my kids are now older I have had the opportunity to go back to school and finish the needed classes to apply to nursing school.  In August of 2008 I did just that.  By the summer of 2009 I had all the classes I needed and pretty much everything except a physical done ready to apply in Sept. 2009.  When I started classes in 2008 I gave it all to God and asked that he would let me know if I was doing this because I needed something to do or was it still a passion.  During that time while taking classes I went back and forth on whether or not this was still really a passion or was it becoming more of a pride thing.  Did I just want to have an RN behind my name and be able to tell others I was a nurse.  With the help of a godly woman, my mother-in-law, I was able to see that my "confusion" at the time was really a lack of peace about the whole thing.  I then spent some time in fervent prayer about the situation and realized that it was NOT the right time for me to apply to nursing school.  WOW, did I have peace after that.  Once I let it go I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulder's.

I started applying to hospitals for Care Assistant or CNA positions because I really have a passion for health care and knew that I could use that in some way.  My Medical Assistant background would help but I was too far removed to go back into working as a Medical Assistant.

OK, now to the ENVY of last week.  I am a Care Assistant at a Children's Hospital, the same one I volunteer at.  During orientation I was with everyone that was a new hire--even nurses.  I would see the new nurses and where they were going to be working in the hospital and think 'I could do that' or 'I wish I was getting ready to do that'.  Then when we split off and I was with the new hire Care Assistants we would be talking and they were all planning on going on to nursing school.  Most were not ready to apply anytime soon but I could still apply by this Sept. if I wanted. 

I did not like when these feelings would come over me and I knew they were NOT from God.  I am so excited about the position I am going in to.  Right now I am at peace about where I am in life and don't have a desire to move on to become an RN.  I have prayed and asked God to REALLY let me know without a doubt, make it VERY clear to me if I am to pursue nursing school.

Last summer when I was praying for God to help me with peace this is the verse he gave me to hold on to.  I saw then how it helped in many ways but this past week I could see how it helped in BIG ways.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30

So there you go, just a peek into my heart on a struggle I had last week and still deal with and most likely will to some extent but I am praying God would cont. to lead me on this journey of life.  As long as I am walking with Him daily and in His will for my life I will be at peace.

Newsboys - Born Again (Lyrics)

Week ONE!!

WOOHOO!!  I made it through week one of my new job without, well, dying.  Getting up between 4:30-5 a.m. is really not my idea of fun BUT I do love mornings--just NOT that early.  I am VERY thankful that by midweek my energy was back from my illness.  Thankful that the first 3 days I did a lot of sitting.  I am home, still in scrubs, cute ones by the way, wanting...no needing SLEEP!!  

   

I feel like I have not seen my family but this is all new and I do believe they all understand.  My husband has been so supportive and happy for me.  I went to ask him about his day and apologize for not being "around" both physically and mentally this week and he said that is fine and normal.  I have to get used to this and it will take a little time and he is just fine with that.  What a wonderful man I have!

Tuesday is when I got home around 6, and the evening was a blur.  I had to wash & iron my scrubs, shower, eat dinner and I HAD to be in bed by 9 pm.  With a little help I had it all done and asleep by 9:05pm.  The next day I could tell my energy was coming back.  Still tired but happy and tired.

I just feel so very blessed that God has placed me in this job.  Even when I had times I was really tired or didn't feel the best I knew I was exactly where God wanted me--I have had NO DOUBTS!!  Now I am looking forward to the next part of my orientation and that is on the floor I will be working and I will be working 3- 12 hour shifts a week.  To me that sounds better than M-F all day.  I say BRING IT ON, I AM READY!!

In my devotion this morning a verse I read really helped me since I was really struggling with being so tired even after a good night sleep.  I read it several times because it just really reminded me what I need to do.

"Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him, and he will help you."  Psalm 37:5

So I made sure to commit my day to the Lord and I had a really good day.  Still tired but a good tired.  He is always there to help me and I work to always Trust Him.  So a great way to end a great week and start a great weekend.  I plan to continue to commit everything to God AND trust Him always.

If I don't quit now I will just keep on rambling since I am so tired.  Have a great weekend and I will be back very soon for more updates.  Updates on some struggles I had this week......stay tuned.

Tomorrow is......

....Monday
....June 21st
....The First Day of Summer
....AND....

THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW JOB!!!

but, but, MY PLANS!!!

We look at our calendar and see the many things on there.  Sometimes it feels overwhelming and other times it looks very good.  We start our week and just keep moving from one thing to the next like normal.  That is until something stops us......

I recently had that happen.  Of course this is not the first and won't be the last I am sure.  Raising 4 kids plans change a lot.  Being married plans change a lot.  Just being human and having family and friends our plans get changed A LOT.  Some people move through these changes with ease and others not so much.  Some changes are easier to move through than others no matter the personality.  For me I like to see my calendar and I don't like too many changes.  I can flow with many of them and then completely stress over others.

This past weekend I was looking at my calendar and was happy to see a relaxed yet a few fun things on the upcoming week.  I felt I needed this week to prepare mentally and physically for my upcoming job.  That is when "it" hit...I got sick.  OK, I was not wanting this but thought it would only last about 24 hours and the rest of my week would be good.  It was NOT meant to be. 

Monday I was feeling worse and that is when the anger set in.  Tuesday it was fear.  Wednesday complete frustration.  My week was going by and I was not able to do the things I wanted.  I was resting but NOT relaxing.  Not getting my mind and body ready for my job.  Finally to the doctor on Thursday to find out that it is just the residual affects from the "bug" I had Saturday night and that it would most likely last 7-10 days but could possible be more.  I had to REST, REST, REST and get LOTS of fluids.  At first I cried, this "bug" had ruined my week and possible my upcoming weekend.  Will I be ready for my new job on Monday, I wondered.  The doctor reassured me that I should be good enough to start my job, just may not feel 100%. 

My wonderful husband had been taking care of me and was very positive about the whole thing.  At least we knew why I was still feeling so bad and it will end and most likely soon.  This is all good news.  We can still have fun, just adjust to watching movies and playing games instead of going out on a date.  This did shift my attitude as I did see that even though I had plans for this week God used my week differently.  My husband reminded me that we were thankful last weekend that it was then and not this coming weekend that the "bug" hit--true.  I didn't have anything on my calendar that couldn't be adjusted easily so it has all worked out.

So as I sit on my bed "resting" I think back and I am a bit ashamed of how I reacted.  I have asked God to forgive me for not completely trusting Him in all this.  I did do a lot of whining and complaining--I think I am good at that.

My "ruined" week was only ruined because of MY attitude toward it.  I have grown from this past week.  I would prefer to not have gone through all this and hope and pray I don't ever have to again but illnesses happen.  I was so stuck on ME and MY plans that I took my eyes off the truth.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."  Proverbs 19:21

My plans & God's plans may not be the same and if I am working and wanting to walk in His will then I need to be prepared for the "hiccups" in my plans that are really the plan's God has for me.  Do I think He made me sick--NO.  I just think He allowed it to happen for some reason.  Maybe to grow me in this.  Maybe to remind me to TRUST HIM!!  To remind me that He is in control and that is what I want for my life.  So I have NO reason to complain now do I.

So next time my plans get changed I hope I will be able to go with the flow knowing that it is all in God's plan and He is in control.  For me that is VERY reassuring.  I hope it is for you.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."  Isaiah 55:8

Stepping Out

I am stepping out of my comfort zone, heading into a new phase in my life.  In one week I will be starting a new job.  I am very excited but also a bit scared.  I have not really worked outside my home in over 15 years.  I have been raising my kids which I so much have enjoyed but they are now grown and it is time for me to do something else with my life.  For a few years now I have been trying to "figure out" mostly on my own what I am suppose to do now that I have a lot of time on my hands.  I am too young to just "retire".  Really I am way too young!!

I have taken classes to further my education in the thoughts that I would go to nursing school.  I have everything I need but just don't have a peace about going.  I am not sure why but I have prayed about it so much and it always comes back to "that is not where you are suppose to be".  So last summer I started applying at hospitals for Care Assistant (CNA) positions.  I was offered a job last Aug. but it did not feel right.  I left the interview (the first profession interview I had been on in a long time) feeling about 50/50 on wanting the job.  Over the weekend I ended up knowing that I did NOT want the job and prayed that they would not even offer me the job.  I was not sure why but again I did NOT have a peace about it.  They did call a week after the interview and offered me the job.  I thanked them and then turned them down.  At the time it all felt right but for me given time I will second guess myself--something I tend to do to myself.  I did see through the fall and winter that it was best that I didn't have the job.  I was still applying for jobs in hospitals off & on over the months.  I really wanted to work at the Children's hospital that I volunteer at but those Care Assistant jobs are very hard to get.  Plus with me being out of the work force for so long I knew it was a long shot but I kept on applying.

A few months ago I really was having a rough time and I could just feel God pulling me closer to him.  I started spending more time in the Word and in prayer.  I started to journal both my thoughts and prayers.  I had also started my worry box that I have blogged on earlier.  I was trusting God with my future.  I got to where I just felt at complete peace about whatever God had for me was going to be just right.  If I was to remain a housewife then I was happy and content to do that.  I knew that God would be able to use me & the gifts He has given me in so many different areas as long as I was walking in His will.

Casting Crowns has a song that has really helped me during this time called Voice of Truth.  Here is just a bit of the song:

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, "Do no be afraid!"

The voice of truth says, "This is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

That is just a bit of the song but it really hit home for me.  I had (still have) that inner voice that tells me I can't do this or that.  That is the lies.  I also have the truth that has been coming through and it is telling me to not be afraid.  God's Word is the Truth that is helping me and guiding me.

As I have looked back over my journal and all the verses God has given me to guide me and to show me what He wants for my life it has been so reassuring.  I wish I could list them all here but that would be a lot.  I will share a few:

"I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me."  Psalm 16:7

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."  Psalm 27:14

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

OK that is just a very small sample of the verses I have in my journal.  These plus many others have helped me in my journey over the last few months.  They still help me everyday.  I am depending on God moment by moment in my life.

So as I step out of the boat into the unknown waters of a new and exciting job I am reaching for the hand of Jesus to hold me up so I do not sink.

I feel that God has blessed me with this job and He will give me what I need to do it and to move forward in my life and not be "stuck" which would be the easier thing to do, at least for me.

So next Monday, June 21st I will start my hospital orientation for a Care Assistant position at the Children's Hospital that I now volunteer for.  WOW!!  I walked away from that interview back in April wanting the job but just trusting that if God wanted me there then it would all work out and if not I was content to keep trusting.  I was offered the job on May 5th.  I had to wait until June to start which was OK since so much has happened in that time and it has come up really fast.

It is just amazing to see what happens when I just let go and let God take control in my life.  To just let Him direct my path.  I am scared about starting this new job but not because I don't think I can do the job but because it is all new for me again.  Working long hours and being away from home.  This is where I just have to trust and depend on God at ALL times.

So I just keep praying for God's direction and that He will use me in this position.  I need prayer from others to help me not get overwhelmed with fear as the day is fast approaching.

Trust in God and His Truth!!!  Obey His commands!!! 

What an AWESOME GOD!!! 

Better Than A Hallelujah Amy Grant

Love this song.  I love that I can just pour out my heart to God without any worries what He will think. 
What an AWESOME GOD we serve!! 

STOP WHINING!!!

No, I am not talking to you or any one of my kids.  I am talking to myself.  That is right, it is ME that I have to remind to quit whining.  It is just not productive.

I found myself complaining on Sat. that I didn't have anything to wear.  I do have things to wear, I have a closet full of clothes and feel I have nothing to wear.  My husband told me (after I was whining like a 3 year old) that he would take me shopping for some new clothes.  Huh, maybe whining can pay off.....

NO, that is not whining that is manipulation which I really was not trying to do but I do know that if I ask my husband for something he will usually say yes.  He does spoil me.

One would think that would be the end of it, the whining and complaining that is BUT NO.  We did go shopping and before we did I went through my clothes and seen what I had and what I "really" needed to help my wardrobe.  On Sunday after church we went shopping and I could have gotten a lot more than I did but I was good and stuck with my list.  Now I should be content right....NO!  What is wrong with me?  I had to ask myself, I tend to over analyze myself and life in general so I had to figure out WHY I was feeling so "OFF" as I put it.  I mean I am not normally a positive person, this is work for me but I have been doing so much better lately with that.

I did figure out a few things and plans on how to change them.  So with that in place and ready to start a new week I woke Monday morning with a migraine and I was to be at church for VBS a bit after 8.  OK this week was NOT starting out well at all.  My plan to be more positive and change my attitude was not working.  I got through day one of VBS and came home and took a nap which took me out of my schedule.  This did not help my mood.  Tuesday I woke feeling just as bad, migraine and a bad mood.  My poor husband listened to me whine some more and reminded me of how I am NOT to have that kind of negative self talk.  He said it very kind and loving which was nice.  It was good to talk it out with him.  He told me to skip my morning quiet time and get a little more rest--WHAT!!!  Not spend my morning time with God, this would mean I failed (I know missing a day is not failure if that were the case I have failed most of my life) but that is what it felt like at first.  Then my husband told me that I could do it when I get home from VBS and I could still have some prayer time just not the 'over-the-top make me feel rushed because I am trying to hard to do to much' quiet time.  So that is what I did and I went on with getting ready for VBS only to find my migraine was now getting worse to the nausea point.  I can handle the pain but do NOT like it when the nausea hits.  I made it to church but was then sent home when a replacement came for me.  This was good but still had to deal with this bad attitude and the migraine with nausea. 

It is now Wed. and I still have a bit of a migraine but it is getting better, I hope.  I had a great time in VBS this morning and my attitude is much better.  I started putting things together and that has helped.  One big thing I realized is I am trying to put too much into my morning quiet time.  When I do this I end up feeling rushed.  It doesn't matter how early I get up to have extra time I seem to always fill it and more.  You would think this would be good but it just makes me feel more stressed and rushed for my day.  With my job fast approaching (one thing that is likely causing my grumpy attitude, it's a big change) I want to make sure I still get up and have my quiet time but I don't want to be stressed or feel rushed for either my quiet time or getting to my new job.  This is something I am working on to get a good balance before I start.  I do know that this morning I got up and told myself to just do my devotion and prayer time, I can worship God all day and while I get ready listen to my music.  So that is what I did and my day started out so much more relaxed and has been a good day.

So how do we (I am hoping I am not the only person that struggles with this) balance our quiet time with a crazy schedule?  Also, how do I keep from falling into the whining and complaining attitude that I did NOT enjoy and neither did my husband.  We both missed the more positive, more happy me.  It is all about ATTITUDE!!!

Charles Swindoll has a quote I like about attitude and I actually have it posted on my wall.  I know I should have read it a few days ago.  Here is just a part of it:

"The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you... We are in charge of our Attitudes."

I need to remind myself that. 

"You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." 

 Philippians 2:5

That is the attitude I want.  I know that is the attitude God wants me to have.  I know he does not want me feeling rushed & stressed.  I know God wants to be first in my life and that is where I want Him.  I am working on this.

Frazzled???

I have been doing a 30 day devotional called The Frazzled Female by Cindi Wood.  I am doing 2 days at a time to be done before I start my job.  It is just awesome and I wanted to share just a bit.  She also has a website frazzledfemale.com.  I tried to put that as a link but still new to this blogging.  I would highly recommend this devotional.  Here is just a little I wanted to share from this devotional.  These are all excerpts from this book by Cindi Wood.

"Oh, my!  Life can be so frustrating!  It's such a challenge to react positively when stressors are continually thrown your way.  I have found that many times we women can handle the big things in life that produce stress.  Maybe it's because we've planned in advance for them and realize they are coming.  It's the accumulation of common daily hassles that seem to sneak up on us and rob our joy and positive attitude."

"Remember, though, the first step to being positive is to determine to think positively!  It's a matter of choice, an act of will."

"Anxiety and worry can lead to an extremely negative attitude."

"Life's hard, and being positive requires desire and persistence."

"And by the way, being positive doesn't necessarily mean that you're happy."

OK I am sure I have shared plenty to wet your appetite for this devotional.  I know that worry and anxiety will rob me of a positive attitude very quickly.  I have been working on being more positive for a while now and it is work.  She also talks about the "worry box" which I talked about in an earlier post.  It is only 30 days and it is filled with scripture to guide you and me to live a life that is not so frazzled, rushed and negative.  I am only 10 days in and looking forward to getting into this devotional every morning.  I hope to go back through it slower when I do have the 30 days to do it instead of doing 2 days in a row but I still am getting so much out of it I just wanted to share it with everyone.

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?  And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?"  Luke 12:25-26

"And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father." 
Colossians 3:17

"Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart."  Psalm 119:34

 

F.E.A.R.

FEAR...that is what gripped me just the other day.  I have heard that FEAR is "False Evidence Appearing Real" there are a lot of other acronyms but this one I have heard the most and seemed to fit.  My fear stemmed from a very real concern for one of my children.  Instead of taking that fear to God I just went right into worrying about my child's future and let the worry just keep growing in my mind.

A quote from Corrie Ten Boom I like that really fits here is "Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear."

I have been working on NOT worrying and here I was just not letting go of this worry/fear.  Being a mom I want to always protect my kids, this is not possible.  Sometimes the things they go through are for their good.  Personally I don't see the good in this one but only God knows the future.  After some research, more worrying and becoming very grumpy I FINALLY realized I needed to take this child and their issue to God.  It took me a bit to get it through my thick head but I did and it only took me one day--that for me is progress!!  When it comes to my family it takes more work to NOT worry--especially when it has to do with my kids.  I'm still growing...

Now that I was able to give all that to God I am still struggling with myself and the lies that swirl around in my head.  I feel like I have been fighting a battle in my head between lies and truth instead of letting go and letting God have control.  Allowing myself to worry robbed me of an entire day and now I am dealing with the aftermath of thoughts that go with it.  Feelings of failure & guilt.  LIES!!!  I have to take every thought captive, "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5b.  "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Ephesians 3:20

I am more content and at peace when I am walking in God's will for my life.  Worry takes me out.  He cannot work in me when I try and take control.  Plus I am no good at it.  I want joy, peace, contentment--things I only have when I keep my eye's on Jesus and walk with Him daily.

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."  Corrie Ten Boom

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
 Philippians 4:6-7

New Month--New Beginings

I have a busy day but have lots I want to share--I will return to share them SOON!!

I am excited for the month of June.  It will be a busy month but exciting.  We have 2 birthdays and I start my job later this month.  I will be helping with VBS next week--FUN!!  Plus I love summer. 

So Happy June to all.  Enjoy the start of a new day and a new month.