The Ups and Downs of Life

It has been a couple weeks since I have posted and there is good reason...I have been busy and a bit stressed over a few things.  That is no reason but that is the fact.

The DOWNS in life I have, unfortunately, let get the best of me, at least at times.  More times than not to tell the truth.  This is something I don't like about myself and am working to change but it is NOT easy.

A couple weeks ago my husband was doing his devotion and said he really wanted to memorize a passage he just read.  I have been working, wanting, thinking about memorizing scripture lately.  I am not consistent with it but want to try a verse a week.  I told him I would memorize it with him.  I read the first verse a couple times got frustrated and gave up.  I need to just take one verse over a week or even 2 weeks instead of working on several verses at one time.  I was feeling so overwhelmed so I gave up and have YET to start again with another verse.  THIS IS ONE OF MY GOALS!!

I have set myself some goals.  Recently I was thinking about how I want to make sure I am a godly wife, good housewife, mom, friend, daughter, etc...  PLUS I want to do my best at my job.  So I have been praying for balance and direction in these areas.  Sometimes we don't always get the answers we want but once we think about it we realize that is exactly what was needed.

For example, I have been a volunteer for the last 2 years at the children's hospital I now work at.  Since I started my job I have only been able to get in to volunteer once I think.  My schedule is now where I could go in a bit more regular and I was very excited to be able to do that again.  Last week I got an email from my volunteer supervisor saying I can no longer volunteer in patient care areas.  WHAT???  I was so sad and hurt by this and the way she put it in the email it did not make sense to me (well it made sense but not WHY I couldn't volunteer anymore).  I cried over this and then had to keep going since I was to work the next day.  While in the shower it occurred to me that maybe this was a God thing.  Maybe this was God's way of answering my prayers.  I was not going to let it go so He took it from me.  I had done my part and now it was time to move on.  I am still sad about it but after thinking through it and then talking to my supervisor it all makes sense to me now.  With that no longer an option I now have more time to work on being a better housewife & do my best on my job.

After my shower I was ready for bed and sat down to read an online devotional I get and what was it all about...doing too much as women so we don't have to deal with LIFE!  Either we are living in chaos with a frazzled life or so stressed trying to control every aspect of our lives.  Of course this is not all women but it sure hit home with me that night.

The author of the devotion advised us to sit quietly with God.  Relax in His presence.  Being still with God is not always easy to do.  Our minds race with ALL the things we have to do.  God knows everything we have to do there are NO surprises to Him.  This is reassuring to me.  We need to let go of our fears, worries and doubts and just make room for God.

So I took a look at my calendar and started to "plan".  My schedule changes but I do know I work 2 days a week and every 3rd weekend so job...check.  I want to do better with my chores and since my work schedule changes I can't really say I will do this or that every Sat. so I made out a chart and will plan a week at a time so chores...check.  I have TIME WITH GOD at the very top, first thing in the morning on my weekly schedule, so quiet time with God...check.  I have to make sure I have some down time and time with my husband everyday so...check/check.  I feel like I am starting to be able to put things together.  I do know that plans change so I am going to make sure I stay flexible.

Since reading that devotion I have been working on the verse that she started with:

"Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

I have more stresses that have been getting to me.  The monthly devotional I use I could not get so I went to the Christian book store and found a Beth Moore devotional on David.  Cool, this will keep me going for a while and it looks really good so I will have to let you know how it is.  It is called A Heart Like His.  I plan to start that in the morning.  I also have to go to work and self schedule--pick the days I want to work not including my weekends.  There are rules and I am just hoping I can get there and NOT have to work the days I don't want to.  I am pretty flexible I just have 3 days I don't want to work on that schedule so we will see.  I have been really working to trust God in all this since I have seen Him work out my schedule this whole time so why would He stop now.  Doesn't mean it will be just what I want but I know it will be OK no matter what.

So that has been my life lately and I guess I didn't really put any UP's in there but there are several ups to be happy about and I am still working on being positive although that is not always easy.  I am very thankful to have a wonderful husband, great kids, great friends, wonderful church, great family, great job.........so, so many things to be thankful for so there are quite a few UP's in my life.  I just have to make sure I keep looking at them and not the downs.

Tamara Lowe at Christ Fellowship

This is really good!!

Been Thinking...

Not sure where to start but there have been several things that have happened lately that got me thinking...more than usual. 

I attended a celebration service for a 2 week old that touched so many lives.  It was a special but sad day.  A reminder of how short life is and that we need to not take anything for granted.  This young infants parents are a great testimony to their faith and the love and peace that God pours down on the broken hearted.  God knits us in our mothers womb.  He knows every hair on our heads.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.  This is a love that in beyond words.

I think about how much I love my children and I don't think there is anyone, even their dad, that loves them more than me but I know that God loves them infinitely more than I could even imagine.  WOW!!

One of my kids came to talk to me the other night.  He was not feeling well and we talked about that then ended up talking about his walk with God and where he is in that.  Made my heart sing just listening to him and how he has been growing in his faith and his walk.  I pray for them all daily and I let them know this but to see how God answers in ways that I don't even think about is just awesome to me.

I have felt a bit lazy lately and started thinking that maybe I am not "doing" enough in my walk with Christ.  I have worked the last 2 Sundays and think maybe not being in church has had a bit of an affect on me but not sure.  My husband reminds me that when I go and work that I am "doing" for God what a lot of people can't or won't do.  I am serving sick children, their families & the nurses I work with.  At least that is how I pray as I drive to work and how I feel when I am there.

So what is considered enough for God?  I believe that if our heart is right with God and we are walking in His will then that is enough.  Maybe I don't spend 2 hours in prayer, or read 2 chapters in the Bible everyday.  I do get up every morning and spend time doing a devotion with Bible reading and then have prayer time.  Sometimes this is shorter than others but I do feel it is necessary for me to cont. doing this even if at times I "feel" it is not enough.

I am keeping a positive attitude...most of the time.  I think that for now I am doing what I am suppose to be doing.  I am seeking God and His direction for my life.  I pray for His strength in all I do.  I commit each day to Him.  I do need a little more discipline in some areas in my life.  I am working on those areas.

So if you smell smoke that is just me thinking or over thinking about life, something I am very good at.

Lions & Tigers & Bears...OH MY!!

OK, so last week my husband and I took a mini vacation and went away for a couple days.  This was nice to get away and have fun just the 2 of us.  It was the first time since we had kids that we went to a zoo without kids.  We had a GREAT time.

So maybe I have seen the Wizard of Oz a few too many times. 

The day we went to the zoo we were told was the hottest day of the year with a heat index being at least 110.  The Imax was selling tickets for $3 (I think that was a lot cheaper, I didn't care to go so I didn't check the original price) because of the heat.  It was hot but I think the humidity was low or we were having so much fun that it didn't seem to be much of a bother.

The worse part was getting into our car in the afternoon--

OUCH that was HOT!!

I started thinking of all the zoo's we have been to since we have been married and here is the list I came up with (not in any order):

San Diego--to me not worth the money, one time thing, too big, too many people but glad to say I was there once.

Denver--that was many years ago and I was pregnant but it was fun from what I remember.

Kansas City--been there many times and it has been good and bad.  Haven't been there in years.

Houston--this also many years and I was pregnant (again).  It was big, but fun.  I do remember seeing a few baby animals but I know we ended up not seeing all of it.

St. Louis--this was in 1999 and I really don't remember much about it and I don't know why.  Maybe it really wasn't all that great or we were just busy seeing a lot of things on that trip.

Washington D.C.--it was free and good thing it was NOT good at all.  Hopefully things have changed since we were there.

Omaha (Henry Doorly)--this is where we went last week.  we took the kids there 15 yrs ago and it was great then and still one of our favorites.  As hot as it was we saw lots of animals and they were out and about moving.  It is not to big and very reasonable priced.

I would love to see more zoo's around the country and hopefully someday get to take my grandkids to them.

The day we came home we decided last minute to see The Squirrel Cage Jail which is closed and now a historic site.  I would recommend it.  While there someone said something about seeing a black squirrel--COOL!!  We only have the grey ones around here and LOTS of them.  We saw a white one in Washington D.C. and now a black one.

You are probably thinking "why is she telling us all this and what does this have to do with growing in truth".  Well, I LOVE animals and I see God's love and beauty in animals.  He created ALL of them and they have a purpose in this world.  I don't like to see little bunnies being eaten but I know that they are put here for food for other animals (and humans that eat them).  I look at the markings on the big cats and think how beautiful and awesome they are.  It just amazes me. 

Is this just not amazing and beautiful to see a perfectly designed butterfly. If God took the time to create this small creature that only lives a very short time just think of how He creates each one of us in HIS image to live for HIM as long as He gives us on this earth.  

I guess this is one of the ways I feel I can worship God. 

By admiring the amazing creatures He has created for us to enjoy. 

Sunrise

I just thought I would share a couple pictures I have taken over the last week.  It is one of the great things of getting up so early and leaving for work.  I leave for work around 6 a.m. and I would see the sunrise and just be in awe of the beauty.  I pulled over to take the pictures out my passenger window so they are not the best but not to bad either.  I LOVE to see the sunrise & sunsets.

Guarding Your Heart

I have been reading my 4:8 book (see previous post on this) and I have been reading on guarding my heart.  So I wanted to share a few things with you about what I am reading and thinking.  I like the NIV version which is to the right in the picture but I also really like the NLT version:

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."  Proverbs 4:23

So what does it mean to "guard your heart".  I believe that it means we need to be intentional about what we put into our minds.  What we allow ourselves to be exposed to.  Of course not all things are under our control on this but most are.

Everything we read, watch on TV or in movies.  The music we listen to and even the people we hang out with.

"We often allow negative ideas and others' opinions to corrupt our potential for joy" quote from The 4:8 Principle

I know for me that sometimes I will see something on TV that I find later I feel very discontent with my marriage.  I start thinking "I wish my marriage was like that".  Well TV is not real (well most of it that is) and this has happened to me from watching a very clean, wholesome Hallmark movie.  It can sneak up on you.  Once this negative thought is in my mind it takes root in my heart and then I think negative thoughts about my marriage and my husband and before you know it I am not a very nice person and can bring him down very fast.  It is like a virus that infects without warning.

"How can you who are evil say anything good?  For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  Matthew 12:34

Once I have allowed something that is not productive and beneficial for me in and let it take root then at some point it is most likely going to come out of my mouth and it won't be good.  Not something I like about myself and working on changing.

JUNK IN=JUNK OUT!!

When we allow negative images or music into our minds it has then become part of our subconscious.  Once there it is pretty much there for good.  We have to work to overcome those and sometimes never will.  They will always be there it is just choosing to not allow them to change who we are and how we act.  The best way to do this is to NOT allow those negative things in our lives in the first place.

I will be the first to admit that I really like certain TV programs and I don't know if I am ready to give them up.  I do listen to mostly Christian music but sometimes like to "rebel" and listen to music that can and does bring back memories that maybe should not be brought back to the surface. 

It is very important to remember that if we choose to take away something we know is not good for us that we MUST replace it with something we know IS good for us, otherwise we will end up just putting another negative in its place and that is not what we want.

Quote from 4:8 book:  "You are the gatekeeper of your mind.  To experience a life full of joy, you must reject the negatives and protect the positives God has placed or has promised to place in your life.  Those who experience more joy don't necessarily have more to be joyful about; they just think differently.  This option is available to you as well."

I want the joy-filled life and am choosing to work towards that.  I am working on guarding my heart.  I am taking steps to protect my mind.  This is not always easy for me but I will work to continue to do this.

Just a couple ways to help and I have been putting one into practice for a while now and they are what Tommy Newberry talks about in his 4:8 book. 

One:  Start your day with JOY!  What can you do in the first 15 minutes of your day to set the tone for the day. 

Immediately upon waking I ask myself this question:

What am I grateful to God for this morning? 

Then I do a devotional, prayer & listen to worship music.  That is how I work to spend my first 15 min. of the day to set a positive tone for my day.  Of course not everyday does this work but I try.

Two:  Seal your day with JOY!  What can you do in the last 15 minutes of your day to get your mind relaxed and set on good, positive things.  I try to say prayers with my husband, maybe read a little but for the most part I am really bad about falling asleep to the TV.  I am working on this one.

One more quote and I will wrap up since I have rambled on pretty long this time.

"Realize that everything you watch, read, or listen to either brings you closer to God or nudges you further away."  from The 4:8 Principle

"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man"  Proverbs 27:19

  I am choosing to Guard My Heart!!