I started a new job in July and I really love it. Part-time, close to home, flexible & I am working as a Medical Assistant in Family Practice which I love . So, Yes, I have been busy adjusting and working.
I am working to get a balance between home & work but that seems to take some time for me. Oh well it will happen...all is good.
What is not good is this battle with insomnia that I have been dealing with. I have had this issue off & on all my life, even as a child. I know I am weird.
Other times I fall a sleep just fine but I wake a lot and I mean a lot, like every half hour. I just don't feel rested. I am not getting good sleep or restful sleep to recharge my body.
I have tried everything but I don't stick with a healthy bedtime habit but even when I do it has not worked for me.
I have tried many different medications both prescription and over-the-counter but I don't like the side effects or the "hangover" effect so I try and avoid them. I will try them when I feel I am about to lose my mind from not sleeping for several days but only if I don't have to get up early for something. So that cuts out a lot of the nights. At this point I am ready to knock myself out for a couple days.
Last Sunday night I did not sleep at all. I did finally fall asleep around 5 am Monday morning but was pretty much awake by 8:30. I had to get up and get ready for work that afternoon. I will admit I cried a lot that morning and my poor husband had to hear all about my woes (he is such a blessing and such a big help--I love him so very much. He is awesome!).
I did get up around 2 am and did some journaling and reading. Here is something I have in my journal:
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I be a better person? better wife? a better mother?
With little to poor sleep I (and I think this is with most people) start to really have doubts about myself and my abilities. I over think things and I get a wrong perspective on how life is and how I am handling it. Nobody is perfect and I will be the first to admit that I am not.
As I was reading my devotion this morning I was reminded of God's love for me. God loves me for me and not what I do. He does not love me just when I keep my house clean, laundry done, cooking or even serving all the time. His love is unconditional. Yes, we are to go and do God's work but His love and grace is not based on our works. This I am so very thankful for. I did just sit and thank God for His love for me this morning. How awesome is that and so wonderful to think about. Even when I mess up, God is there and He is not going to leave me. Now I can work to change my perspective.
"What is wrong with me?" I am a sinner saved by grace. So there is nothing wrong (except being human).
"Why can't I be a better person?" I can through my faith in Jesus Christ and my cont. growth in Him. I am not a bad person. Reading God's Word and spending time with Him will just help me see that I am exactly the person God created me to be--flaws and all.
"better wife? a better mother?" Again growing in my faith and reading God's Word will help me in these areas. If you ask my husband I think he will tell you I am a good wife--not perfect but perfect for him. I am not a perfect mother but I am the perfect mother for my kids.
God blessed me with the most wonderful husband and 4 wonderful children.
I will close with this. I am praying for a great night sleep--I need it bad. I am seeking God to help me keep my eyes on Him so that I don't lose focus on myself and this life He has blessed me with. And I pull this verse again to help me get through these tough days until I do get some good rest:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Lord, I need rest. I am so tired and worn-out. I pray I will sleep well at night. I ask for more energy during the day and a more vibrant spirit. Lighten my load so I can have a better balance among my work, my ministry and my home life. Replenish me, Lord. As I unwind in spirit and body, please fill me with peace and rest. Prayer taken from Prayers with Purpose for Women.
