Gone....

The nest is now empty as we got to watch the last 2 fly from the nest and hear mama calling them and they calling back.  WOW that was fast!!  Time to let go.

As a mama of 4 little (well grown) birdies myself this has been a wonderful but somewhat bittersweet experience.  I too have watched as 3 of my 4 birdies have flown the nest.  My one that is home is married and they lead their own life just under our roof for a time.

It is so fun to watch them grow and then to watch as they are young adults flying the nest.  It is also a bit sad to see the empty "nest" or rooms....which I have already filled with my stuff so I guess it didn't take long to grieve. 

Just like the mama bird I am here for my kids.  They can call out to me and I will be there for them.  I am thankful that it took 18 years for my kids to grow and not just the 2 weeks it does for a robin. 

Spring has sprung....

It has been almost 3 months since I last blogged so I will try and catch you up.....busy/lazy.  Well that should do it.........
 
I have been busy.  My coworker had surgery so I worked to pick up her part on top of mine (which they overlap a lot being we are both Medical Assistants) but I do more front office stuff on top of the back office so it was a bit stressful but looking back it was good for me and I liked the challenge.  Glad she is doing better and back to work.

I say spring is here but we never really did have a winter here in our neck of the woods.  I like it that way but know it will not always be that way.  The only bad thing.....allergies!!  With no deep freeze we have a lot of people with major allergy issues.

I would love to report that I am enjoying my Joy devotional but the truth is....I stopped doing it when I started working more.  I can always pick it back up.  I still have JOY!! and that is more important than making sure I do that devotional everyday.  

I am exercising and loving it.  Love going for walks with my wonderful hubby, doing Pilate's and a few different things.  Just want to stay active. 

I love spending time with my kids (which now I have 5....my oldest son got married!!).  Very blessed with a wonderful, beautiful daughter-in-law.

My husband and I are now in a place to really have time for each other.  We have so much fun together.  We have to work to make time for each other but that is part of being intentional with our time.  It is like being newlyweds (except we had 2 babies when we got married) but with the life experience that comes with age.  So for me I think it is way better than the newlywed phase.....Just my opinion.

I am learning Japanese.  My daughter-in-law is Japanese and we hope to take a trip to Japan sometime in the near future.  I am older so this is a challenge but fun.  Good for the brain.  Japanese is not easy and I am not that great with English which is the only language I know.....for now!! 

So busy...yes, but not to busy to blog (which I have not done), email (which I do if it is personal...don't really mess with forwards) or take time for family & friends (well work schedule can dictate some of that).  Lazy in the fact that I get home from work and just want to do nothing but watch TV or take a nap.  I am working on that now that my hours are back to normal.

There is always going to be things to take up our time and energy but I am learning that it is important to stop and look at what is taking that time and energy.  Is is productive?  Does it help others?  Is it to much to the point of taking away from what really is important in our lives?

I want to be the woman God wants me to be and that is my prayer for myself.  I am in a new season of my life and I am very young to be in this place but I have found that it is a good place.  A blessed place.  A place I am enjoying and want to keep enjoying everyday.

Hopefully it won't be another 3 months until my next blog.......

A quick link...

Read this devotion this morning and it really hit home to me.  Don't have time to go into all the details right now but would love to share it with you.  Here is the link:

http://devotions.proverbs31.org/

I get these devotions delivered everyday (M-F) and just love them.  Here is the link to subscribe if you are interested:



Have a great weekend!!

Home from Haiti

I am home from Haiti and already miss being there.  It is good to be home and especially be with my husband but the time in Haiti was amazing.  I did well flying...most of the time.  I had a great team and they were all a big help to make sure I had a window seat and that someone from the team was next to me.  I was thankful to God for putting a remarkable team together and so very thankful that He chose me to be a part of that team.

There were 8 of us from our church and we went out in 2 teams.  One went to work on helping the Haitians build houses and the other (which I was with) went out to be with the kids and do VBS stuff with them.

We rode in what was called a Tap-Tap.  A truck with benches in the back.  Our driver was awesome with all the traffic.

This one is loaded with our stuff for the day.  We then added about 6 people--it got crowded but it was fun.

The first day we were near the guys building but we were at a tent church and had over 100 kids--it was so much fun.  It was very hot in that tent but loving those kids was so very easy.  Some tried to teach me Creole which is their language.  I have a hard enough time with English so this was more laughing than anything.  I really enjoyed it.

The electricity was spotty and it was hard to regulate the temp. at night so the first night us 3 ladies froze.  We shared a really nice room.  I think we all felt a bit spoiled where we were.  Having someone cook for us all week was wonderful.  The food was great but I didn't always know what I was eating.  On Monday I ate a bit too much and ended up sick during the night.  This was not fun but I still thanked God for getting me through it and for sending me to Haiti.  I had to stay back as my team headed out on Tues. and that was hard but I had to get my energy back and rest up.  With no TV or Internet it was a great time of resting and prayer.  I spent the day with God and that is something I don't do here.  I have many distractions so it is easy to do other things but when I was in the compound with no one that spoke English it was a time for me to just be with God.  He has a plan for everything and maybe that was something He wanted from me--to trust, surrender and just spend a day with Him.

The rest of the week went well.  I did lose about 3 lbs from being sick and then cautious about what I ate.  I felt good though.

We spent Wed. going to pick up 2 teachers from one of the orphanages and take them to buy books.  That was a lot of fun.  They were so excited and thankful to have books for the kids.

We all spent Thurs at the orphanage.  The construction team was building new, safe benches for the kids to sit on and we were playing and loving on the kids.  It was so easy to get attacked to them and I look at the pictures and miss them so much.  They loved to wear my hat and sunglasses.  Run their fingers up my veins on my arm and play with my hair.  I had my hair braided many times since it is to fine to hold the braid.  Oh and they loved to take pictures and have their picture taken.  They knew my camera was in my right pocket and would point and say "photo".  So about 50 of my around 400 pictures were taken by kids.

Friday 3 of the construction guys went back to work more on things at the orphanage while the rest of us took a trip up to the mountain.  We went to the Baptist Mission which was really neat to see.  We went to an overlook to see out over Port-au-Prince.  That was just amazing.  Haiti is a beautiful country with beautiful people.

I fell in love with the country and the people. I feel so blessed to have been called to go.

Saturday 3 of the guys helped with some things that needed done around the compound while the rest of us went to a school that had not had a mission team come in before.  We had about 60 kids and did skits and things with them.  It was so much fun and several came forward to receive Christ--that was amazing.  As we were leaving I was hugging one of the young boys and he asked me to pray for him.  He gave me his name and I have been since.  I don't know exactly his need but God does.

We also had a pizza party for the staff that evening.  They didn't have to cook for us and it was so much fun to see how excited there were to have pizza.

Well if you kept up with me this far--thanks.  It is so hard to put into words everything and how so very thankful and blessed I feel to have gotten this opportunity.  I do hope to get a chance to go back and next time take my husband.  I know he would love it.

God really took me way outside my comfort zone but I took comfort in trusting Him.  He stretched me way more than I have ever been stretched.  I look forward to see what He has in store for me next--very exciting!!

Finding God's Will

Once again I am over-thinking my life and what I am suppose to do.  One would think at my age I would know but NOPE.  I do know I want to be walking in God's will and that brings me to where I am at now in my thinking (or over-thinking). 

What is God's will for my life?  Something I ask myself a lot BUT I am not the one I should be asking.  I do ask God what He wants me to do but I tend to get impatient and do things the way I think they should be done. 

So I have been working to figure out what God's will is for my life.  One thing I know is that He wants me to take ONE DAY AT A TIME!!  I am working on that one.

Part of this has to do with my job.  Since starting my job I have been stressed and that led to a depression which has made life difficult for me and my family (mostly my husband since the kids are older but I am sure it has affected them also).  I was trying to figure out if I did the "wrong" thing in taking this job.  Why was I feeling this way.  Why was I not content.  What was wrong with me.

So here are some things I HAVE figured out and learned about myself and about God's will in my life.

First, I know that God does NOT hide His will from us as long as we are seeking Him and wanting to live a life pleasing to him.  If we are walking daily with God and seeking Him then we are living His will for us. 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."  Romans 12:1-2

Second, there really is no "wrong" in taking the job.  I did and do feel like God blessed me with the job so that is one reason I was so frustrated with how things have turned out BUT then I started thinking back to when I went on the interview and how I said that I would take the job if offered because I would NOT make that mistake again.  Meaning that I was offered a job in the summer of 2009 and turned it down because I did not feel a peace about it.  This time I felt at peace either way.  I was in a good place and was happy if I was offered the job and would be happy if I was not.  So Yes, I believe He blessed me with the job.  I also believe I took a few things into my own hands and that is what added the stress and struggles along the way.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

At this time I feel at a crossroads in my job.  I have cut back my hours but still have the cons outweighing the pros in keeping the job.  So for now I will stick with it and just keep praying God will direct me on what I should do.  Give the "less" hours a try before making a final decision.  Plus I know that whether I stay at the job or not there is no "wrong" answer there because God can and will use me as long as I am walking with Him.


Next, I learned that when walking in God's will we will have peace.  Not perfect happiness or lack of stress and struggles just peace knowing we are right where God wants us.

There were a few questions that came up in my search for knowing God's will:

"What are your deepest longings?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"What is the desire of your heart, what is your heart telling you?"

This is where it really hit me.  As I was really drawing closer to God last spring I knew that I was really feeling a desire to strengthen my marriage and work on being the wife that my husband needs.  This is something I have worked on all our marriage BUT raising kids and other life events have made this more difficult.  

Just a little background--we had kids VERY young and were married when we were just kids.  We have had to grow up together and have had so many ups and downs that I was looking forward to this time in our lives to just be a "couple" and grow in that.  Since doing things a bit "backwards" by having a couple kids before getting married we have never really had time to just be a couple.  We are young, early 40's, and ALL our kids are adults now.  It is time for US!!  With my husbands job being a bit crazy and at times overwhelming and stressful I feel it is my job and my desire to be his support and love him and be there for him instead of being in a job that is causing me stress.  We don't need both of us stressed out--not a good combination.

OK, so now I know where my passion and desire is--I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE!!  It is what I have been for so long, that and being a stay at home mom.  Sometimes we think we want something but then when we get it we realize it is not really what we wanted but what we had is what we really wanted.  We just need to learn to be content with what we have and look at the positive and not let the negative make us discontent in a place we know we should be.

I love my husband with ALL my heart and I know I want to be his wife for the rest of my life.  I know I want to serve him.  My spiritual gifts are serving, mercy & encouragement and I thought it was time to take those gifts somewhere else.  I do believe God can and will continue to use my gifts as He sees the need outside my home but I do see that those gifts are there to also serve, show mercy & encourage my husband. 

 "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown."

Proverbs 12:4a 

I have said over the last couple weeks "I just want my life back" but what did I mean by that...I want to be where I was last spring before I started my job.  I want to be growing daily in the Truth and not be who I have become (a tired grumpy woman) which I don't like.  So that is my plan and I do hope, pray and believe it is God's plan for me as well.

Life as I know it....

I am now a working woman and life as I knew it is different than what I have known for so long.  Of course life changes all the time.  This is a good...NO a GREAT change for me, just an adjustment and not just for me but also for my husband.  He is my biggest cheerleader but still having to adjust to a tired wife & a working wife.  I don't think it has been much of an adjustment for the kids, maybe a little but they are older and doing their own thing anyway. 

This is how I feel when I am home:

I am sure I will get used to all this soon and will not be so tired when I am home.  I did feel a bit overwhelmed on Thurs. after working Tues & Wed knowing I was working Friday.  I just felt like I had a lot to do and not enough time to get it all done in.  How did I take care of everything when I worked before?  At that time I had 2 small kids BUT I was younger and didn't know as much about life as I do now.  Plus I wasn't away from home for 14 hours on the days I worked.  Right now I drive to work watching the sunrise & home watching the sunset--pretty cool but I know that will change with the seasons.

I do know that I am absolutely LOVING my job.  I know I am right where God wants me at this time in my life.  I find I am so tired at home but I have the energy I need for those long days.  I appreciate all the prayers from family & friends that are praying for me--they are helping.  I see God's hand in everything I am doing and how He has been working in & through me in this job.  I feel so blessed I don't even have words for how I feel.

On Thurs, my day off, I asked my husband if I could just be a lazy housewife.  Of course that is not what I want but I was feeling so tired and overwhelmed.  I am over that...at least for today.

As I was preparing for my week I was cutting strawberries to take for a snack and it reminded me of when my kids were younger and cutting up LOTS of fruit for them and standing at the sink for a long time to cut all kinds of fruit to have it all eaten in a very short time.  Four kids can go through fruit FAST.  I usually made 2-3 bowls and made them eat it over 2-3 days instead of all at once.  Anyway, as I was standing there cutting the strawberries I thought of that and I was a little sad, I was missing having young ones around but I know that phase of my life has passed and one day I hope to be cutting strawberries for my grandkids.  It is funny how ones perspective on an event from years ago can be so different.  Back then I am sure I was dealing with impatient kids and a list of things to get done while cutting all that fruit but now all I remember is how much I loved doing that for my kids.  I don't think about any of the "stresses" that may have been surrounding me at that time in my life.  Interesting!!

OK, a little off the subject but that is how my brain works--haha.  I have been working on a balance to make sure I put God as my first priority of everyday.  I am getting up and have my spot where I sit and have a little prayer then do my devotion & the Bible reading to go with that.  I then listen to worship music as I get ready, then on my drive to work I use that as my prayer time.  So far this is working out very well for me.  I feel that God has prepared me well for this job and he will cont. to give me what I need to cont. to do this work for him.  I see it more as a ministry for God to use me than a job.  I pray God will use me to serve everyone I work with.

One verse that I came across about a week ago has been a BIG help for me is Psalm 37:5 (this is the NLT version).  I made a card up to carry with me and here is what it looks like:

I pray this everyday.  I commit ALL I do to the Lord, Trust him & ask for his help knowing he will help me in all I do. 

How reassuring!!

(I am not sure why I used this picture but I thought it cute even though the cat is after the little birdies).

Week ONE!!

WOOHOO!!  I made it through week one of my new job without, well, dying.  Getting up between 4:30-5 a.m. is really not my idea of fun BUT I do love mornings--just NOT that early.  I am VERY thankful that by midweek my energy was back from my illness.  Thankful that the first 3 days I did a lot of sitting.  I am home, still in scrubs, cute ones by the way, wanting...no needing SLEEP!!  

   

I feel like I have not seen my family but this is all new and I do believe they all understand.  My husband has been so supportive and happy for me.  I went to ask him about his day and apologize for not being "around" both physically and mentally this week and he said that is fine and normal.  I have to get used to this and it will take a little time and he is just fine with that.  What a wonderful man I have!

Tuesday is when I got home around 6, and the evening was a blur.  I had to wash & iron my scrubs, shower, eat dinner and I HAD to be in bed by 9 pm.  With a little help I had it all done and asleep by 9:05pm.  The next day I could tell my energy was coming back.  Still tired but happy and tired.

I just feel so very blessed that God has placed me in this job.  Even when I had times I was really tired or didn't feel the best I knew I was exactly where God wanted me--I have had NO DOUBTS!!  Now I am looking forward to the next part of my orientation and that is on the floor I will be working and I will be working 3- 12 hour shifts a week.  To me that sounds better than M-F all day.  I say BRING IT ON, I AM READY!!

In my devotion this morning a verse I read really helped me since I was really struggling with being so tired even after a good night sleep.  I read it several times because it just really reminded me what I need to do.

"Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him, and he will help you."  Psalm 37:5

So I made sure to commit my day to the Lord and I had a really good day.  Still tired but a good tired.  He is always there to help me and I work to always Trust Him.  So a great way to end a great week and start a great weekend.  I plan to continue to commit everything to God AND trust Him always.

If I don't quit now I will just keep on rambling since I am so tired.  Have a great weekend and I will be back very soon for more updates.  Updates on some struggles I had this week......stay tuned.

Stepping Out

I am stepping out of my comfort zone, heading into a new phase in my life.  In one week I will be starting a new job.  I am very excited but also a bit scared.  I have not really worked outside my home in over 15 years.  I have been raising my kids which I so much have enjoyed but they are now grown and it is time for me to do something else with my life.  For a few years now I have been trying to "figure out" mostly on my own what I am suppose to do now that I have a lot of time on my hands.  I am too young to just "retire".  Really I am way too young!!

I have taken classes to further my education in the thoughts that I would go to nursing school.  I have everything I need but just don't have a peace about going.  I am not sure why but I have prayed about it so much and it always comes back to "that is not where you are suppose to be".  So last summer I started applying at hospitals for Care Assistant (CNA) positions.  I was offered a job last Aug. but it did not feel right.  I left the interview (the first profession interview I had been on in a long time) feeling about 50/50 on wanting the job.  Over the weekend I ended up knowing that I did NOT want the job and prayed that they would not even offer me the job.  I was not sure why but again I did NOT have a peace about it.  They did call a week after the interview and offered me the job.  I thanked them and then turned them down.  At the time it all felt right but for me given time I will second guess myself--something I tend to do to myself.  I did see through the fall and winter that it was best that I didn't have the job.  I was still applying for jobs in hospitals off & on over the months.  I really wanted to work at the Children's hospital that I volunteer at but those Care Assistant jobs are very hard to get.  Plus with me being out of the work force for so long I knew it was a long shot but I kept on applying.

A few months ago I really was having a rough time and I could just feel God pulling me closer to him.  I started spending more time in the Word and in prayer.  I started to journal both my thoughts and prayers.  I had also started my worry box that I have blogged on earlier.  I was trusting God with my future.  I got to where I just felt at complete peace about whatever God had for me was going to be just right.  If I was to remain a housewife then I was happy and content to do that.  I knew that God would be able to use me & the gifts He has given me in so many different areas as long as I was walking in His will.

Casting Crowns has a song that has really helped me during this time called Voice of Truth.  Here is just a bit of the song:

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, "Do no be afraid!"

The voice of truth says, "This is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

That is just a bit of the song but it really hit home for me.  I had (still have) that inner voice that tells me I can't do this or that.  That is the lies.  I also have the truth that has been coming through and it is telling me to not be afraid.  God's Word is the Truth that is helping me and guiding me.

As I have looked back over my journal and all the verses God has given me to guide me and to show me what He wants for my life it has been so reassuring.  I wish I could list them all here but that would be a lot.  I will share a few:

"I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me."  Psalm 16:7

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."  Psalm 27:14

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

OK that is just a very small sample of the verses I have in my journal.  These plus many others have helped me in my journey over the last few months.  They still help me everyday.  I am depending on God moment by moment in my life.

So as I step out of the boat into the unknown waters of a new and exciting job I am reaching for the hand of Jesus to hold me up so I do not sink.

I feel that God has blessed me with this job and He will give me what I need to do it and to move forward in my life and not be "stuck" which would be the easier thing to do, at least for me.

So next Monday, June 21st I will start my hospital orientation for a Care Assistant position at the Children's Hospital that I now volunteer for.  WOW!!  I walked away from that interview back in April wanting the job but just trusting that if God wanted me there then it would all work out and if not I was content to keep trusting.  I was offered the job on May 5th.  I had to wait until June to start which was OK since so much has happened in that time and it has come up really fast.

It is just amazing to see what happens when I just let go and let God take control in my life.  To just let Him direct my path.  I am scared about starting this new job but not because I don't think I can do the job but because it is all new for me again.  Working long hours and being away from home.  This is where I just have to trust and depend on God at ALL times.

So I just keep praying for God's direction and that He will use me in this position.  I need prayer from others to help me not get overwhelmed with fear as the day is fast approaching.

Trust in God and His Truth!!!  Obey His commands!!! 

What an AWESOME GOD!!! 

Frazzled???

I have been doing a 30 day devotional called The Frazzled Female by Cindi Wood.  I am doing 2 days at a time to be done before I start my job.  It is just awesome and I wanted to share just a bit.  She also has a website frazzledfemale.com.  I tried to put that as a link but still new to this blogging.  I would highly recommend this devotional.  Here is just a little I wanted to share from this devotional.  These are all excerpts from this book by Cindi Wood.

"Oh, my!  Life can be so frustrating!  It's such a challenge to react positively when stressors are continually thrown your way.  I have found that many times we women can handle the big things in life that produce stress.  Maybe it's because we've planned in advance for them and realize they are coming.  It's the accumulation of common daily hassles that seem to sneak up on us and rob our joy and positive attitude."

"Remember, though, the first step to being positive is to determine to think positively!  It's a matter of choice, an act of will."

"Anxiety and worry can lead to an extremely negative attitude."

"Life's hard, and being positive requires desire and persistence."

"And by the way, being positive doesn't necessarily mean that you're happy."

OK I am sure I have shared plenty to wet your appetite for this devotional.  I know that worry and anxiety will rob me of a positive attitude very quickly.  I have been working on being more positive for a while now and it is work.  She also talks about the "worry box" which I talked about in an earlier post.  It is only 30 days and it is filled with scripture to guide you and me to live a life that is not so frazzled, rushed and negative.  I am only 10 days in and looking forward to getting into this devotional every morning.  I hope to go back through it slower when I do have the 30 days to do it instead of doing 2 days in a row but I still am getting so much out of it I just wanted to share it with everyone.

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?  And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?"  Luke 12:25-26

"And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father." 
Colossians 3:17

"Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart."  Psalm 119:34