It's been a few months.....

OK, so I have not been good at blogging.  Today I will just give a quick update on the last few months.

May I started a 4 week exercise program.  I went from just exercising a bit to 6 days a week of intense.  My conclusion is exercise is EVIL!!  No, really it is not.  Exercise is good for both body and mind but when you are over 40 it is not good to go from 0-100 overnight. 

Exercising led to several (many) doctor visits and tests due to feeling like my entire body was falling apart.

NOTE TO SELF:  Start slow and build up.

So after the 4 weeks I did a little here and there and then have not really exercised in over 2 months.

I also worked on my diet and eating healthy.  I don't need to lose weight but just wanted  better/healthier eating.  This too led to my body saying "What the heck are you doing to me!!!".  I like eating healthy but again I did not go slow and my body did not adjust well so had to change that up.

In July had a party for our oldest son and his new bride.  That was fun. 

Then took a trip to see my grandparents house as my grandma sold it.  So happy she is now closer to us.

August started out with me being sick.  I have not been that sick in a long, long time and I did not like it at all.  This illness was weird and led me to the ER one night and Urgent care 2 days later.  Then there were follow up visits and more tests (which I am still working on).  It really drained me energy wise.

Then just about a week and a half after I got sick our daughter was running a 5k and had a very bad sudden headache.  Thinking it was just a migraine she treated it as such.  Later that evening we took her to the ER due to other signs that something was very wrong.  She was then admitted into the ICU due to an Internal Carotid Artery Dissection.  Yes, that sounds very bad and really could have been since most cases of that are not found until AFTER a stroke.  Thank God we all knew something was wrong and got her in.  She spend a few days in the hospital (as did I....did not want to leave her) and now is recovering with meds and will be rechecked in Nov. in hopes that it has completely healed. 

To sum this all up....life has been CRAZY!!!  I will admit that it has stressed me out quite a bit and I do know that I am dealing with a low grade depression as a result.  I am still not up to my "normal" weight since getting sick and still dealing with some issue from that.

So for now just taking one day at a time and trying to rest up when I can but still work and get things done that need to be done.  Oh and did I mention our 17 yr old cat that has kidney disease....add that stress in there also (with the other pets we have....UGH!!).

I want so bad to post happy, growing daily with God posts but the reality is I am struggling and I don't like it.

Hoping and praying that will change very soon.

Well on to the next thing I need to get done.....

Please see link in post below...

The last couple of months have been a bit of a struggle for me.  Not something I like to admit but sometimes it is good to be a little transparent. 

August and September were just very stressful both with working a new job and working many hours.  One of my coworkers had surgery just after I started and I was working both my job and hers....a lot of stress.  Then of course many other stresses that come with life.  Being tired all the time didn't help nor did allergies.  My co-worker returned the end of Sept...this was good. 

Just a side note here...I bring on my own stress.  I allow it to get to me.  I am not a laid back person that can just go with the flow or let things wait.  This is just one of the things I would love to change about myself.

Then on Sept. 30 on my 5 minute drive to work I find out one of my aunts had died unexpectedly.  So add sadness to all that stress. 

Once things seem to start to settle down my husband and I were able to get away for a few days.  This was a BIG help for both of us.  We had so much fun and the weather was perfect.

Now we are headed into the holidays.  For me I see more stress.  I wish I didn't but I do. 

A friend shared with me the below link and it really hit home to me.  Since the middle of Sept. I have felt...well distant from God and I feel I try and try to get back but feel like I keep failing.  I don't feel I am in the exact place this man was as he wrote that but I can relate to a lot of it.  I encourage you to take just a moment to listen to it.

I won't give up on seeking as I know God will NEVER GIVE UP ON ME!!!

Crisis & Craziness

It is so hard to find time to get on here these days.  Life has been absolutely crazy, more so since I am going to Haiti in...well just over 11 days.  The last 3 weeks have been met with so many changes.

My oldest son went to Japan for 2 weeks to visit his girlfriend.  YES, he was there when the earthquake hit.  He just got home this past Sunday.  PLEASE PRAY FOR JAPAN!!  Unfortunately he had to leave his girlfriend there. 

My heart is so broken for the people of Japan.  I heard on the news someone say something about how this was going to affect our economy--WHAT--who cares.  What about the lives of all the people in Japan with no homes, no food, lost loved ones.  Their fears of more earthquakes and tsunami's and the nuclear plant.  Really, come on are we really that spoiled here in the USA??  YEP!!  I admit I am one of the spoiled Americans but my heart does not want to be that way.  I care much more about people than I do money or stuff.

OK, so with my oldest son in Japan my 2 youngest moved out into an apartment together.  My husband and I had an "empty nest" for 12 days--FUN!! 

With my youngest 2 moving out we gave them our family room furniture.  This was planned before I knew about and decided to go to Haiti.  So we are in a rush to get the floor up, carpet in and the furniture here on top of me preparing for this trip.  Still working on all that.

Add in doctor visits and shots, lots of shopping AND working until last week when I quit my job.  Yes, I gave them 2 weeks on the 28th of Feb.  I just have been so overwhelmed with so much going on that I knew it was time to let the job go.  On top of all that our computer is acting up--not sure what is up with that but it is driving me crazy (well crazier).

So the last few weeks have been quite a ride and I would like to get off this crazy bus BUT I still have so much to do in the next 12 days and then to serve in Haiti for a week.  I am still afraid to fly but I know people are praying for me.  I have good days and bed ones.  I have nightmares about flying.  One thing I do know is God did not send me on this trip for nothing so no matter what happens He will be with me and I will be OK.  I am still praying for great flights and no anxiety or panic on the flights.  I don't want the rest of the team having to drag me onto the next flight.

Well that kind of sums up the last few weeks...briefly.  Hope yours is going well and if you are like me you are ready for Spring!!  Now back to getting things done around here...

Thursday Thoughts

I have been up since 6 a.m. when it is one of the few days I could have slept it...what is up with that!!

So since I got up earlier than I wanted to I thought I could get a lot of things done today since I work tomorrow and have a very busy week ahead.  I feel the next "free" day I have will be a week from tomorrow--Oct. 29th.

Here I am sitting at my computer just after noon and if feels like it should be around 4 or 5 but hey I am glad it is still "early" in the day.

You are probably thinking what in the world is the post about?  Well it is just my thoughts and they may not really have much order to them but I wanted to share so if you are bored then stop here if you are curious than keep reading.

I actually have done quite a bit this morning but you wouldn't know it by looking around my house--still working on that.  I do know that it is a beautiful day with the sun shining in and for some reason I keep thinking it is Friday but that is what happens when your schedule is not normal.

Lately I have felt like I have been dealing with brain fog.  Not fun thinking it is because I am getting older but it really started as my stress built over the last few months working a new job.  So I do believe that it is the stress more than my age BUT I am sure there is some of that in there also but I am going to remain in denial over that part.

OK about my job--I love it but there have been things that have really stressed me out and I have not dealt with that stress so well.  One is I am a planner and this is a job that the schedule changes ALL the time.  The only consistent thing is working every 3rd weekend.  Which brings me to the next stress--working every 3rd weekend.  I actually like working on weekends and it does give my husband a chance to go and do things without worrying about me and what I think BUT it means that I am missing church every 3rd Sunday--this I don't like.

When I was offered the job I was given a PRN or as needed position meaning I only had to work 1 day every 2 weeks or just 2 times a month.  I wanted more...or so I thought.  I do like being there more BUT I don't think it is what is best for me or my family right now.  I have been out of the work force for a long time and have gotten used to one way of doing things (my way) so it is a BIG adjustment.  I did get more just shortly after I started.  There was a part time (2 days a week) position open and I took it. 

So I went from training which was full time (3 days a week) to part time and now I have asked to go back to PRN but I can't get that until Nov. 21st.  I feel like all I do is go from work day to work day and I am not catching up.  I feel like I have lost focus a bit and that is why I am struggling.  The thing with PRN is I can pick up more hours if I want.  A wise woman told me that I tried what I thought I wanted but realized it is not what I really want, at least not right now in my life and thankfully I am able to go back without having to quit something I love doing.  Makes sense.

One thing is clear and that no matter how stressed I have been or how off track I get from doing my own thing God is ALWAYS right there with me.  Thankfully I have kept up with my daily devotions because I do believe that is the only reason I have not lost my mind at this point (I still have just over 4 weeks of working part time plus other things to get through so I could still lose it).

Last Sunday when I was working I had some time to read.  It happens, not often but it does and it is good when it does.  I get some online devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Here is the site if you are interested:  www.proverbs31.org/devotional.  I print them out and take them with me in case I do get some time it gives me something good to read and they are short so that helps.  I was reading one titled Hold That Thought! which really hit home to me.  She is talking about being busy which I have blogged about before but the point is spending time with Jesus.  Putting everything and I mean EVERYTHING aside to just sit alone with Jesus.  He should be our "first" part everyday.  Jesus says "Follow me" and not after we read emails or deal with the kids or do dishes or...I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

"But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:33

I think that is clear.  What do you think? 

Another one I read yesterday was on dealing with "hard" times.  Boy could I relate.  She was talking about Job--I can't relate that well and don't ever want to.  But we all face hard times the thing is how do we deal with them.  How do we handle life during trials.  Do we turn to others, medications (and I am not condemning the use of medicine here), drugs, alcohol, sex, internet, TV, etc...OR do we turn to Jesus!  I know I don't always turn to Jesus first but I usually find my way there eventually I just wish I would turn to Him first and maybe the pain or suffering would not be as bad.  Not that it would change but I would change in how I handle it.  **I love the prayers at the end of these devotions and the application steps.

OK if you are still with me then WOOHOO!!  AND THANKS!!  Don't know if any of this helps anyone but just a few things on my mind and believe me I could go on but I think I have bored you enough for today.

Now to just remind myself to take one day at a time and continue to put Jesus FIRST in my life EVERY DAY!!

God Bless and have a GREAT weekend!!

I must confess...

...I just posted on the words we speak and I have to say that although I work hard to watch what I say to others I am not so quick to think before I speak to my husband.  The one person I love the most in the world (well besides my kids).  I choose to love him and he chooses to love me.

Recently I have been struggling with stress which is not new to me but it has been at a higher level and affecting my life and my marriage.  I can be nice to everyone else but I tend to take out my frustrations on my husband.  This is not right nor is it fair to him.

My devotions recently have been exactly what I need at this time in my life--huh??  I am reminded that God knows my future, knows my schedule and knows my struggles.  He is already there so I don't need to keep stressing over these things.  Why can't I get that through my thick head.  I guess that is part of being a strong-willed, hard-headed, type A personality. 

Sometimes I wish God would just flash a neon sign in front of me telling me what to do instead of me having to WAIT.  I can be very impatient at times.  I know that at times He does answer so clearly and other times not so much.  Sometimes we have to walk through the muck and mire of trials, stressful situations & things we don't want to do to get to a better place.  NOT FUN!!

I know that God has plans for me.  I am blessed with so much and have nothing to complain about.  I just fine things to complain about--I am working on that also. 

So during this time of stress & struggling I keep praying, learning, growing and reminding myself to take care of myself and control my tongue. 

One day it will all be clear to me.  One day I won't have the stress and struggles of life.  One day life will be perfect and that day will be when I meet Jesus face-to-face.  Until then I will cont. to rely on the TRUTH of God's Word.  Trust Him to see me through these difficult times.  And wait patiently on my Lord.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord,and wait patiently for him to act."  Psalm 37:7 

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:24-26 

I place my hope in God!!



Falling down...

...is not FUN!!  So here's the story.  Yesterday I was working and it was going fine when I went to get a room ready for a kiddo coming from surgery.  There had been another kid in there earlier and the cleaning crew had come in and got the room all nice and clean.  This is all good.  I got ALL the stuff I needed for the kiddo coming in and as I took a few steps inside the room...WAMMMM I was on the ground BUT the linens were in my left hand up in the air NOT touching the floor (this is very important).  I hit hard and it hurt.  My right hand and wrist started bruising right away.  I had help immediately but I was afraid they would fall so told them to be careful.  Usually the cleaning crew will leave a sign outside the room to let us know the floor is still wet.  There was NO sign.  I was more embarrassed than anything at the time except my hand hurt.  I had to go to occupational health (sorry but that was a joke--"can you bend your elbow?"--YES, "can you bend your wrist?"--YES, "do you need to see a doctor?"--NO--that was it).  So back to work I went and I had people asking the rest of the day if I was OK and I was but I knew I hit that floor hard and I knew I would be sore once I slowed down.

So I have had a lot of ibuprofen to help and my wonderful husband got me some before I got out of bed this morning since I was already feeling the aches from the fall.  As my day has gone on I have felt the aches and pains of that fall but I am fine.  I have bruises that I am thinking "how did I get that one from the fall" but who knows. 

Thankfully I have today off and the weekend for that matter--WOOHOO!!  I have a date planned with my hubby but a few of the things we thought about (bowling was one) we are not going to do since I fell.  Don't want to make anything worse.  We can still have FUN!!

I haven't been on much or posting things I want because 1) I have been busy, 2) I have been really stressed out lately & 3) been feeling a bit down but thankfully feeling a bit better today.  I am sure the "down" moods have been from the stress and I am working on that. 

Just read in my devotion this morning on having a "full" schedule, even if it is filled with "good" things is NOT good.  There is a season for everything and God does not want us filling our schedules to the point we don't have time for Him, family, friends & ourselves.  Even if those things are things that we know we are doing to serve God.  Like I said a season for everything and we need to make sure to check in and ask God what He wants us to be doing NOT just doing.  Maybe this is NOT the right time to take on teaching Sunday school or volunteering with the elderly.

As I read it reminded me of how I had been asking God about balancing work and home and then a week later He took away my volunteering.  My volunteering was a good thing and I really loved doing it.  I miss it but that season is over and it is time to move on and that is what I am doing.  That freed me up to make more time for my family.  I think God knew I wouldn't just give it up easily so He just took it.

I am still working towards that balance.  Some days are much better than others.  It is only the middle of Sept. and I am already stressing about the holidays.  Why, you ask?  I am a planner and the one thing about my job is I don't know what I am working until about 12 days before the next 4 week schedule comes out.  Very hard to plan.  Also I know I will be working 2 major holidays this year and my husband will be off.  My husband has reminded me that maybe I am the one that needs to be there on those days.  God uses me at work so much and I feel so blessed to be there.  I also know that God already knows my schedule and so I need not worry about it. 

I thought of changing my "worry" box to a "stress & worry" box since I feel so much stress at times.

Well I started this with my falling down story and then rambled on about other things.  That is me and how my life is...what can I say.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I hope to be back with more next week!!

What a difference a day makes

Sometimes we look at things the wrong way.  Get twisted up in how we see life going on around us.  I recently got myself looking "upside down" I guess you could say. 

Even as I was seeking God daily and a lot there was a part of me that was trying to continue to do things in my own strength.

I am still working to stay afloat during this major change in my life but I have learned more about myself and the awesome power of God in all this. 

After a lot of stressing over the last week I went to bed last night at peace about my future.  I woke with more joy in my heart.  I am still tired, still struggling with some things and I am sure my stress is just below the surface ready to emerge at any time.

I am working to take one day at a time and hang on knowing God is in control and will help me in everything I do.  Can you tell I like pictures & animals? 

Just want to share one more thing.  Something I read in my Bible reading this morning--it really seemed to fit where I am at right now.  Funny how that happens.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.  For the LORD is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him! 

 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.  Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.""  Isaiah 30:18-21

Call out to God for help and wait.  

He will answer and give you help!!

Struggling

I am struggling.  I lost 4 lbs when I was sick just over a month ago and I can't afford to lose weight.  I have tried to gain it back but with the busy days and trying to adjust to working again it just isn't happening.  Plus add the stress that I put on myself or allow myself to take on and that doesn't help.  I am not a stress eater, I am the opposite of that.  Eating is difficult when I am stressed.

I took a day off this week to try and feel better but it is not working.  I knew that stepping outside my comfort zone would be uncomfortable but this is way beyond that.  I could take uncomfortable but this is very painful and very unpleasant.  I think I am doing well then realize I am not.  The stress is killing me and it is not the job itself but me and the pressure I put on myself.  They are working with me to make sure I take care of myself and then I feel weak, like I can't do what everyone else can do.  I just don't understand and I wish I did.