Reflecting...

I can't believe 2011 is almost over and a new year will begin.  Boy does time fly.  I don't know about you but this time of year I tend to reflect back on the year and think about the new year.  It has been one crazy year for me.

I started the year with 2 jobs, one I was about to quit and one I was getting ready to start.  I started the one and worked my last day at the other the same week...that was crazy.

Then on Feb. 13th I felt the call to go to Haiti with a team from my church.  I did fight this for a week before I agreed to go.  All that is in an earlier post.  So I had 5 weeks to prepare to go on my very first missions trip.

Those 5 weeks were insane.  All the prep, meetings, shopping for things I needed.  I only had to get 2 shots since working in health care I am up to date on all the ones needed around here.  Doctor visit for meds to take.  Wow, so much to do in such a short time.  Plus my fear of flying (again in an earlier post).  I also quit my job in those 5 weeks. 

They went fast with all that was going on but it was so worth it to go to Haiti.  That was so amazing and I thank God for sending me and allowing me that experience.

In July I started a new job that seems to be a much better fit and that is where I am now.  I am part time but I seem to stay pretty busy.

So it has been a busy year for me.  Add in all my family stuff and that just makes it even more crazy.

In thinking about this past year and the new year to come I thought to myself 'why do we do this?', meaning reflect at the end of a year and make new goals at the beginning.  Maybe it is easier.  Something people just do.  I don't know for sure but I do it and I know others do as well.  I do believe though that we should take time to reflect and remember things all throughout the year and be OK with setting new goals if needed because everyday is a new day and a new beginning.

I am setting some goals for 2012 and a lot of them will be the same as before.  I am a work in progress.  I am going to work on taking one day at a time and enjoy life.  I don't want to get myself worked up because I did not meet a goal but be able to start new every day and just work to meet that days goals. 

Hope you all have had a great 2011 and look forward to a wonderful 2012!!

Bring on 2012 because I am ready!! 

A Carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee

I am sure you have read this before but it is always worth reading again as a reminder and to make us think...

So as you read think about if you are a carrot, an egg or coffee beans. 

I want to be the coffee!!

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.


Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.


In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.' 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.


Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.


Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'


Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.  Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.


'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?  Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?


Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.


When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?


May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.


The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.


When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.  Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.


May we all be COFFEE!!!!

Jason Gray - Remind Me Who I Am With Lyrics

Please see link in post below...

The last couple of months have been a bit of a struggle for me.  Not something I like to admit but sometimes it is good to be a little transparent. 

August and September were just very stressful both with working a new job and working many hours.  One of my coworkers had surgery just after I started and I was working both my job and hers....a lot of stress.  Then of course many other stresses that come with life.  Being tired all the time didn't help nor did allergies.  My co-worker returned the end of Sept...this was good. 

Just a side note here...I bring on my own stress.  I allow it to get to me.  I am not a laid back person that can just go with the flow or let things wait.  This is just one of the things I would love to change about myself.

Then on Sept. 30 on my 5 minute drive to work I find out one of my aunts had died unexpectedly.  So add sadness to all that stress. 

Once things seem to start to settle down my husband and I were able to get away for a few days.  This was a BIG help for both of us.  We had so much fun and the weather was perfect.

Now we are headed into the holidays.  For me I see more stress.  I wish I didn't but I do. 

A friend shared with me the below link and it really hit home to me.  Since the middle of Sept. I have felt...well distant from God and I feel I try and try to get back but feel like I keep failing.  I don't feel I am in the exact place this man was as he wrote that but I can relate to a lot of it.  I encourage you to take just a moment to listen to it.

I won't give up on seeking as I know God will NEVER GIVE UP ON ME!!!

Undo Me Poem

Undo Me Poem

Start Over....

I have read this poem many times before but thought I would share.  I will try and update with a more personal post soon.

"When you’ve trusted God and walked his way
When you’ve felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way …
Start over.


When you’ve made your plans and they’ve gone awry
When you’ve tried your best and there’s no more try
When you’ve failed yourself and you don’t know why …
Start over.


When you’ve told your friends what you plan to do
When you’ve trusted them and they didn’t come through
And you’re all alone and it’s up to you …
Start over.


When you’ve failed your kids and they’re grown and gone
When you’ve done your best but it’s turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along …
Start over.


When you’ve prayed to God so you’ll know his will
When you’ve prayed and prayed and you don’t know still …
When you want to stop cause you’ve had your fill …
Start over.


When you think you’re finished and want to quit
When you’ve bottomed out in life’s deepest pit
When you’ve tried and tried to get out of it …
Start over.


When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you’re feeling blue
God gives a January just for you …
Start over.


Starting over means “Victories Won”
Starting over means “A Race Well Run”
Starting over means “God’s Will Done”
Don’t just sit there ………… ..
START OVER"
- – - written by Woodrow Kroll of “Back to the Bible”

Sometimes we just need to start over....

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

No matter what is going on God is there for a fresh start every morning.  Yesterday is done.  Today is new.  It doesn't even have to be morning...God is ready and waiting for us at all times morning, noon & night.  He will never leave us nor forsake us. 

So if you are going through some rough times (I know I am) just remember God is always there and waiting.  Just know it is never to late to start over.  Just stop and talk to God.  Tell Him what is going on.  He knows, He listens, He cares & He is always there.

Hidden Treasures

Recently I was looking for something and came across a card my daughter sent me her 2nd year of college.  I remember when she sent it to me and how much it meant then and reading it the other day I felt the same way.  I won't share the personal details but wanted to just share a bit...


The front of the card

On the inside it says "Nobody nose you like your mom."  

Also inside was a note she had gotten from a woman's retreat she had just attended and wanted to share with me.  It is a Max Lucado quote and it really fit then and still does today.

"You are valuable just because you exist, not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.  Remember that.  Remember that the next time you are left bobbing in the wake of someone's steamboat ambition.  Remember that the next time some trickster tries to hang a bargain basement price tag on your self-worth...just think about the way Jesus honors you...and smile."

~~ Max Lucado--No Wonder They Call Him Savior

That is so true.  For me and for you.  We are valuable because we exist, God created us as a one of a kind for a purpose...His purpose.  Our value is not based on what we do or what we have done. 

This is something I know I need to remind myself when I find I feel "less" important or "not good enough" in this world.

God created me just as He created you.  We are worthy and loved by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that is the most important thing to remember.  Our self-worth should be completely based on that and not what others think or say about us.

So today think about God's love for you and smile...I know I will.

In Need of Sleep

WOW!!  Can't believe it has been almost a month since I last blogged.  I have been busy or lazy...let's go with busy, it sounds better.

I started a new job in July and I really love it.  Part-time, close to home, flexible & I am working as a Medical Assistant in Family Practice which I love .  So, Yes, I have been busy adjusting and working. 

I am working to get a balance between home & work but that seems to take some time for me.  Oh well it will happen...all is good.

What is not good is this battle with insomnia that I have been dealing with.  I have had this issue off & on all my life, even as a child.  I know I am weird. 

Sometimes I can't get to sleep.  My brain just won't slow down enough.  I stare at the clock when I should just get up.  I don't have the best sleep habits and that is something I am working on.



Other times I fall a sleep just fine but I wake a lot and I mean a lot, like every half hour.  I just don't feel rested.  I am not getting good sleep or restful sleep to recharge my body.

I have tried everything but I don't stick with a healthy bedtime habit but even when I do it has not worked for me.

I have tried many different medications both prescription and over-the-counter but I don't like the side effects or the "hangover" effect so I try and avoid them.  I will try them when I feel I am about to lose my mind from not sleeping for several days but only if I don't have to get up early for something.  So that cuts out a lot of the nights.  At this point I am ready to knock myself out for a couple days.

Last Sunday night I did not sleep at all.  I did finally fall asleep around 5 am Monday morning but was pretty much awake by 8:30.  I had to get up and get ready for work that afternoon.  I will admit I cried a lot that morning and my poor husband had to hear all about my woes (he is such a blessing and such a big help--I love him so very much.  He is awesome!). 

I did get up around 2 am and did some journaling and reading.  Here is something I have in my journal:

"What's wrong with me?  Why can't I be a better person?  better wife?  a better mother?

With little to poor sleep I (and I think this is with most people) start to really have doubts about myself and my abilities.  I over think things and I get a wrong perspective on how life is and how I am handling it.  Nobody is perfect and I will be the first to admit that I am not. 

As I was reading my devotion this morning I was reminded of God's love for me.  God loves me for me and not what I do.  He does not love me just when I keep my house clean, laundry done, cooking or even serving all the time.  His love is unconditional.  Yes, we are to go and do God's work but His love and grace is not based on our works.  This I am so very thankful for.  I did just sit and thank God for His love for me this morning.  How awesome is that and so wonderful to think about.  Even when I mess up, God is there and He is not going to leave me.  Now I can work to change my perspective.

"What is wrong with me?"  I am a sinner saved by grace.  So there is nothing wrong (except being human).

"Why can't I be a better person?"  I can through my faith in Jesus Christ and my cont. growth in Him.  I am not a bad person.  Reading God's Word and spending time with Him will just help me see that I am exactly the person God created me to be--flaws and all.

"better wife?  a better mother?"  Again growing in my faith and reading God's Word will help me in these areas.  If you ask my husband I think he will tell you I am a good wife--not perfect but perfect for him.  I am not a perfect mother but I am the perfect mother for my kids. 

God blessed me with the most wonderful husband and 4 wonderful children. 

I will close with this.  I am praying for a great night sleep--I need it bad.  I am seeking God to help me keep my eyes on Him so that I don't lose focus on myself and this life He has blessed me with.  And I pull this verse again to help me get through these tough days until I do get some good rest:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

Lord, I need rest.  I am so tired and worn-out.  I pray I will sleep well at night.  I ask for more energy during the day and a more vibrant spirit.  Lighten my load so I can have a better balance among my work, my ministry and my home life.  Replenish me, Lord.  As I unwind in spirit and body, please fill me with peace and rest.  Prayer taken from Prayers with Purpose for Women.

It's been a while....

...since I have really posted on here.  So I thought I would maybe do a bit catching up.  This could be VERY boring so WARNING AHEAD!!

I think my last "real" entry might have been when I got back from Haiti in April--where has the time gone.  First, I have to say missions trips do change you.  Once back I went through every emotion over a period of several weeks.  I did re-Americanize (if that is a word) so to speak but still I feel changed.  I did end up dealing with a mild/moderate depression for a bit but thankfully that is over.  Again, I was told this is normal.  One person told me they have been on 5 missions trips and dealt with depression after every one.  It helps to know I am normal (well I am far from normal but that is OK).

Then add in the normal business of life and well we are back to me being crazy (well crazy normal maybe).   Since I had quit my job before leaving for Haiti I soon felt lost wondering what I was suppose to do with my life now.  I prayed every day that God would show me where he wanted me next.  This the the answer I got every time..."TRUST ME, you are right where I want you right now."  AND "PATIENCE, I have great things for you just be patient and trust ME."  So that is what I have done just been waiting and trusting.  I don't just sit around waiting--although at times that does sound pretty good and I am not always patient.


red, white & blue bracelet for the 4th of July

I started a hobby.  I started making jewelry and now it is really fun and a bit addicting--I have to watch myself that I don't go and buy all kinds of beads just because they are pretty or on sale...that is unless I DO have a plan for them.  I just need to keep a balance and not spend too much time on that and not on more important things...like sleep, cleaning, spending time with others, etc...  So now I have a hobby and I really enjoy it.



HOPE bracelet



Started out with some very easy stretch bracelets... 





Necklace & Earrings I made for my mom

...but soon moved into some more exciting and creative necklaces and earrings. FUN!!

I am still cooking and except for a couple weeks I felt VERY lazy I am still enjoying it.  I have felt lazy but realize that I am dealing with allergies, I do get out and mow and do yard work, work around the house, help others when I can...so really I guess I am not lazy just sometimes not as motivated as others to do some of the normal housework that needs to be done. 



I have dealt with some insomnia & it has happened to me the last 2 months that my husband & I had nursery duty at church.  I still went & played with the babies but then took a nap in the afternoon.  Don't like insomnia and don't always know why it is happening but hey it all works out as long as I don't get to grumpy--right!!



EXERCISE!!!  I NEED to be doing that but that is one area I keep putting off...OOPS!!  I will work on that.

Well I hope your summer is a great one...it sure is going by fast that is for sure.  Also, it is HOT out there.  So if you read this far then have a GREAT day and thanks for reading my ramblings...

A quick link...

Read this devotion this morning and it really hit home to me.  Don't have time to go into all the details right now but would love to share it with you.  Here is the link:

http://devotions.proverbs31.org/

I get these devotions delivered everyday (M-F) and just love them.  Here is the link to subscribe if you are interested:



Have a great weekend!!

Off the bookshelf

I love to read.  I have tons of books.  Many I have never read.  I will admit that for years I did not read as much as I used to.  Well not books that is.  I would read a lot on the internet but I like my old fashion books.

So after my return from Haiti I wanted to make some changes in my life (I think I am always working to make changes).  One of those changes was going to be less TV & less internet.  First I had to catch up on the shows I missed while in Haiti (that doesn't count--right?).  I will confess that I have not done the best at watching less TV, especially with May being the end of the season for most shows.  BUT I keep on working on this.

OK, so back to the books.  Around the end of April, I think, I was looking on one of my many bookshelves to see if there was a book I had not read yet.  I found more than I care to admit but one jumped out at me and I decided to read it.  Before I tell you about this book let me add that I did very well reading it for a couple weeks in between a lot of business but then mid to end of May the TV won over and the book sat for a couple weeks.  Once I picked it back up I couldn't put it down and was finished by the end of May.

I have since been to one of our Christian book stores and got caught up in the $1 books and got 5 of them.  I thought that was a deal...5 books for $5.  Now I just have to decide which to read first so I read the intro of each and then picked one.

OK, back to the original book.  I read Confessions of a Prayer Wimp by Mary Pierce.  I have had this book for a while so I looked at the copyright and it is from 2005.  I am sure I have had it since then.  Oh well, better late than never. 

This book is wonderful.  She is funny and smart.  I laughed and cried.  I could relate to much of what she was saying and that helps.  She has points to ponder at the end of each chapter.  I didn't really take the time to do all them but I did read them and do some of them.  I wonder...why did it take me so long to read this great book?

So if you are looking for a quick, easy, funny, inspiring book to read I highly recommend this one.  Now back to my new book...

Cooking again...

Sounds weird I know but once my kids got older and everyone was doing different things at different times cooking just was not fun anymore.  Plus having some picky eaters it was the same meals over and over. 

I have been working on budgeting and found a website that they do all the planning for you--even the shopping list.  There are several meal plans to choose from. 

Since starting this the end of April we (my husband, oldest son and I) have been eating dinner at home pretty much every night.  No more phone calls from my husband on the way home from work trying to figure out what to eat only to get food out.  We are saving money and cooking is fun again. 

It is like Christmas every week to see what is on the next weeks menu.  I don't cook all the meals.  I pick and choose what I want to cook.  We usually have some leftovers so most weeks I make a "leftover" night to get things eat up.  It is fun and I wanted to share.  There is a link to the side and here is a link:



If you sign up please tell them I referred you...I get money back for that.  ENJOY!!

A Must See....

My husband was sent this link and I encourage everyone to watch the entire thing--it is only 2 minutes and then pass it on. 


http://media.causes.com/1060527?p_id=175378540

Let me know if this does not work for you and I can email it to you.

Glorious Day (Living He loved me) ~Casting Crowns

Home from Haiti

I am home from Haiti and already miss being there.  It is good to be home and especially be with my husband but the time in Haiti was amazing.  I did well flying...most of the time.  I had a great team and they were all a big help to make sure I had a window seat and that someone from the team was next to me.  I was thankful to God for putting a remarkable team together and so very thankful that He chose me to be a part of that team.

There were 8 of us from our church and we went out in 2 teams.  One went to work on helping the Haitians build houses and the other (which I was with) went out to be with the kids and do VBS stuff with them.

We rode in what was called a Tap-Tap.  A truck with benches in the back.  Our driver was awesome with all the traffic.

This one is loaded with our stuff for the day.  We then added about 6 people--it got crowded but it was fun.

The first day we were near the guys building but we were at a tent church and had over 100 kids--it was so much fun.  It was very hot in that tent but loving those kids was so very easy.  Some tried to teach me Creole which is their language.  I have a hard enough time with English so this was more laughing than anything.  I really enjoyed it.

The electricity was spotty and it was hard to regulate the temp. at night so the first night us 3 ladies froze.  We shared a really nice room.  I think we all felt a bit spoiled where we were.  Having someone cook for us all week was wonderful.  The food was great but I didn't always know what I was eating.  On Monday I ate a bit too much and ended up sick during the night.  This was not fun but I still thanked God for getting me through it and for sending me to Haiti.  I had to stay back as my team headed out on Tues. and that was hard but I had to get my energy back and rest up.  With no TV or Internet it was a great time of resting and prayer.  I spent the day with God and that is something I don't do here.  I have many distractions so it is easy to do other things but when I was in the compound with no one that spoke English it was a time for me to just be with God.  He has a plan for everything and maybe that was something He wanted from me--to trust, surrender and just spend a day with Him.

The rest of the week went well.  I did lose about 3 lbs from being sick and then cautious about what I ate.  I felt good though.

We spent Wed. going to pick up 2 teachers from one of the orphanages and take them to buy books.  That was a lot of fun.  They were so excited and thankful to have books for the kids.

We all spent Thurs at the orphanage.  The construction team was building new, safe benches for the kids to sit on and we were playing and loving on the kids.  It was so easy to get attacked to them and I look at the pictures and miss them so much.  They loved to wear my hat and sunglasses.  Run their fingers up my veins on my arm and play with my hair.  I had my hair braided many times since it is to fine to hold the braid.  Oh and they loved to take pictures and have their picture taken.  They knew my camera was in my right pocket and would point and say "photo".  So about 50 of my around 400 pictures were taken by kids.

Friday 3 of the construction guys went back to work more on things at the orphanage while the rest of us took a trip up to the mountain.  We went to the Baptist Mission which was really neat to see.  We went to an overlook to see out over Port-au-Prince.  That was just amazing.  Haiti is a beautiful country with beautiful people.

I fell in love with the country and the people. I feel so blessed to have been called to go.

Saturday 3 of the guys helped with some things that needed done around the compound while the rest of us went to a school that had not had a mission team come in before.  We had about 60 kids and did skits and things with them.  It was so much fun and several came forward to receive Christ--that was amazing.  As we were leaving I was hugging one of the young boys and he asked me to pray for him.  He gave me his name and I have been since.  I don't know exactly his need but God does.

We also had a pizza party for the staff that evening.  They didn't have to cook for us and it was so much fun to see how excited there were to have pizza.

Well if you kept up with me this far--thanks.  It is so hard to put into words everything and how so very thankful and blessed I feel to have gotten this opportunity.  I do hope to get a chance to go back and next time take my husband.  I know he would love it.

God really took me way outside my comfort zone but I took comfort in trusting Him.  He stretched me way more than I have ever been stretched.  I look forward to see what He has in store for me next--very exciting!!

Buried alive...

Well, just 6 more days and I will either be on my way or in Haiti.  The last 4 weeks went quick and have been very busy. 

I feel I am sinking or maybe just have tunnel vision.  I am completely focused on this trip.  Packing and re-packing to keep the weight down--not easy when going for a week in a Country like Haiti. 

I over pack and now I am working to cut out things I don't think I will need--again NOT easy.  I have never been there, not sure what all I might need/want.  I don't want to take things that will weigh me down that I don't need but I also don't want to forget something important.

I have to take the time to remember to eat--for me that is bad, I have got to eat.  I have been running almost non-stop for a while now and I am ready to slow down. 

I still have things to prepare for our trip.  Things to do with the kids--FUN!!

I am very thankful to my husband for being so supportive and helpful.  I have been asking my son lots of air travel questions and having him help me weigh my suitcase...over and over and over...in hopes to get it under 45 lbs.  I have asked my mom many questions and have her making me something--that I may not take depending on room.  I have called the airline and asked questions.  I have called the airport and TSA--yep I am that CRAZY!!  I just want to make sure I do everything right.

I hope to have some great stories to tell when I get back and maybe a picture or two to share.  I keep telling myself that the flights are part of this adventure and to just sit back and enjoy them.  Some times it works and other times not so much but I am working to think positive and I know there are many that are praying for me and my team--THANKS AND KEEP UP THE PRAYERS!!

I told my husband that when I get back I am going to sit on our new couch (which has yet to come in) and just watch TV and do NOTHING for a week.  He said that is exactly what he wants me to do.  What a great guy I have!!

OK, back to work since I am done with lunch.  Please keep up those prayers...

Crisis & Craziness

It is so hard to find time to get on here these days.  Life has been absolutely crazy, more so since I am going to Haiti in...well just over 11 days.  The last 3 weeks have been met with so many changes.

My oldest son went to Japan for 2 weeks to visit his girlfriend.  YES, he was there when the earthquake hit.  He just got home this past Sunday.  PLEASE PRAY FOR JAPAN!!  Unfortunately he had to leave his girlfriend there. 

My heart is so broken for the people of Japan.  I heard on the news someone say something about how this was going to affect our economy--WHAT--who cares.  What about the lives of all the people in Japan with no homes, no food, lost loved ones.  Their fears of more earthquakes and tsunami's and the nuclear plant.  Really, come on are we really that spoiled here in the USA??  YEP!!  I admit I am one of the spoiled Americans but my heart does not want to be that way.  I care much more about people than I do money or stuff.

OK, so with my oldest son in Japan my 2 youngest moved out into an apartment together.  My husband and I had an "empty nest" for 12 days--FUN!! 

With my youngest 2 moving out we gave them our family room furniture.  This was planned before I knew about and decided to go to Haiti.  So we are in a rush to get the floor up, carpet in and the furniture here on top of me preparing for this trip.  Still working on all that.

Add in doctor visits and shots, lots of shopping AND working until last week when I quit my job.  Yes, I gave them 2 weeks on the 28th of Feb.  I just have been so overwhelmed with so much going on that I knew it was time to let the job go.  On top of all that our computer is acting up--not sure what is up with that but it is driving me crazy (well crazier).

So the last few weeks have been quite a ride and I would like to get off this crazy bus BUT I still have so much to do in the next 12 days and then to serve in Haiti for a week.  I am still afraid to fly but I know people are praying for me.  I have good days and bed ones.  I have nightmares about flying.  One thing I do know is God did not send me on this trip for nothing so no matter what happens He will be with me and I will be OK.  I am still praying for great flights and no anxiety or panic on the flights.  I don't want the rest of the team having to drag me onto the next flight.

Well that kind of sums up the last few weeks...briefly.  Hope yours is going well and if you are like me you are ready for Spring!!  Now back to getting things done around here...

Obedience is not easy!

For the last year I have been really praying that God would use me and the gifts that He has given me.  With this prayer comes responsibilities that at times are not fun or easy.  Sometimes they can be quite painful...at least in the mind (or my crazy mind).

I thought my job at the Children's Hospital was it.  God did use me there but either I got in my own head or maybe it was a stepping stone to prepare me for something more.  It did stretch me.  I had been a stay-at-home mom for so long and was on MY schedule which was nice but the job made me step outside my comfort zone just a bit.

Recently I have been really asking God what He wants from me.  I really want to serve and grow into the godly woman He wants me to be.  Several things have come to mind, some of which I would not have thought of because they are things I didn't really care to do.  We will see.  I am trusting and that is what I have to do.

Well, on Sunday the 13th towards the end of our church service the pastor announced that they needed more people to go to Haiti.  I have always wanted to do a missions trip but the timing was not right and the call was not there.  This time I told my husband I wish I could go BUT there were so many reasons why I could not.

So I spend a lot of that week battling with God.  The list was long on why I could not or should not go and I told that list to God over & over but my heart kept coming back to going.

As we were heading to church on Sunday I thought to myself if they still needed people I would "check in to it".  Well they did and so I looked at my husband who was on the same page as I was and we went to talk to the pastor.  Yes, they needed more people and had prayed that God would bring the team together that day since the trip is coming up very quickly.  I had to give them a definite answer that day.  YIKES!!

After evening church I went to the team leader and told him YES I want to go.  Once I made that commitment a sense of peace came over me.  I knew I was being obedient to God.

"And this is love:  that we walk in obedience to his commands.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."  2 John 6

I still have the peace knowing I am doing what I am called to do but I have been battling intense fear.  Not so much fear of going to Haiti but flying...yes I have a fear of flying.  Not crashing, although I am sure if the plane were going down I would have fear then.  This is just a fear of being trapped in the tube.  I know crazy...  Every time I even think about flying I get anxious.  I thought maybe I could drive to Florida then just take one plane instead of the 3 there and 3 back.

To be honest I have no idea why God is calling me to do this.  I do have a servant heart and have always wanted to do missions.  I have asked God--why now??  I have soooo many reasons not to go--why now?? 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9

I don't know if I will know completely why now but it doesn't really matter.  If God has called me to go to Haiti then He will equip me with everything I need to do His work while I am there.  He will also give me everything I need to got on those airplanes (maybe some really nice meds to calm me).

I am being stretched much harder than I felt ready for.  I am stepping WAY outside my comfort zone.  Even through all the stress, fear and never ending thoughts of things I need to do and get before I go I still feel at complete peace that I am doing what God has called me to do and that is GO. 

I think of Gideon (and many others in the Bible that said they were not equip but God always gave them what they needed, when they obeyed Him) and how God used him.  Gideon was not the strongest or the bravest and was considered the least of his tribe but he was willing to be used.  So like Gideon I am not the strongest or the bravest but I am willing and I think that is all God wants me to be, simply willing.

In just over 4 weeks I leave with my team from church to go to Haiti.  My heart is already there and I have never been.  Funny how that works.  I leave you with one request--please PRAY!!  Pray for our team, pray for God to work through us, pray for the people of Haiti to be open to hearing the Gospel, pray for me and ALL my fears (esp. flying).  Thank you!

Valentine's Day!

I don't put much thought into Valentine's Day and I sure don't know how it all started but I do have a wonderful husband that does what he can to spoil me. 

The nice thing is he will do something for his (our) daughter on Valentine's Day.  When the kids were little he would make a big deal for her and I would do a little something for our boys.



For me seeing my man do something special for our daughter made me love him even more. 

I have been married over 2 decades and I am very blessed to have a man that loves me and likes to do special things for me whenever he can.  I like it when I get a card for no other reason than he was thinking of me and wanted to get me a card.  When he picks up a special treat from the store because he is thinking of me.  When I am having a bad day and he takes time to listen and hug me.

In saying all that I will say that on Saturday I was feeling a bit left out regarding Valentine's Day.  You see my husband has been very, very busy at work.  So much so I hardly seen him at all last week.  He didn't have time to really think about me and I was OK with that until Sat. evening.  For some reason it just hit me.  I had been missing him but seeing all the Valentine commercials (I was watching way to much TV) made me miss him even more.  By the time he got home late Sat. night I was in tears.  He was tired but still listened to me as I cried my way through my "rough" week.

It didn't end there.  He listened as I cried through part of Sunday.  It was nice to have him next to me in church but sad knowing that after church he was heading back to work.

With a week of little sleep and putting in 3 weeks of work into one he still vacuumed the hall for me and went to the store with me even though he could barely stand from being so tired.  I was so thankful and told him so.

I did get him a card and he got me some chocolates (I picked them out).  I do miss my Valentine on this day and everyday he is not with me.  I am spoiled and I am a big baby...I like having my man around.

I do hope your Valentine's Day is a good one and what you hope for.  For me I just hope my husband doesn't have to work late again tonight but if he does my heart & prayers will be with him.

Doing something special and letting the one you love know it is not reserved for one day a year.  So remember to let the ones you love know that you love them all throughout the year.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!