What is God's will for my life? Something I ask myself a lot BUT I am not the one I should be asking. I do ask God what He wants me to do but I tend to get impatient and do things the way I think they should be done. So I have been working to figure out what God's will is for my life. One thing I know is that He wants me to take ONE DAY AT A TIME!! I am working on that one.
Part of this has to do with my job. Since starting my job I have been stressed and that led to a depression which has made life difficult for me and my family (mostly my husband since the kids are older but I am sure it has affected them also). I was trying to figure out if I did the "wrong" thing in taking this job. Why was I feeling this way. Why was I not content. What was wrong with me.
So here are some things I HAVE figured out and learned about myself and about God's will in my life.
First, I know that God does NOT hide His will from us as long as we are seeking Him and wanting to live a life pleasing to him. If we are walking daily with God and seeking Him then we are living His will for us.
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:1-2
Second, there really is no "wrong" in taking the job. I did and do feel like God blessed me with the job so that is one reason I was so frustrated with how things have turned out BUT then I started thinking back to when I went on the interview and how I said that I would take the job if offered because I would NOT make that mistake again. Meaning that I was offered a job in the summer of 2009 and turned it down because I did not feel a peace about it. This time I felt at peace either way. I was in a good place and was happy if I was offered the job and would be happy if I was not. So Yes, I believe He blessed me with the job. I also believe I took a few things into my own hands and that is what added the stress and struggles along the way.
"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21
At this time I feel at a crossroads in my job. I have cut back my hours but still have the cons outweighing the pros in keeping the job. So for now I will stick with it and just keep praying God will direct me on what I should do. Give the "less" hours a try before making a final decision. Plus I know that whether I stay at the job or not there is no "wrong" answer there because God can and will use me as long as I am walking with Him.
Next, I learned that when walking in God's will we will have peace. Not perfect happiness or lack of stress and struggles just peace knowing we are right where God wants us.
There were a few questions that came up in my search for knowing God's will:
"What are your deepest longings?"
"What are you passionate about?"
"What is the desire of your heart, what is your heart telling you?"
This is where it really hit me. As I was really drawing closer to God last spring I knew that I was really feeling a desire to strengthen my marriage and work on being the wife that my husband needs. This is something I have worked on all our marriage BUT raising kids and other life events have made this more difficult.
Just a little background--we had kids VERY young and were married when we were just kids. We have had to grow up together and have had so many ups and downs that I was looking forward to this time in our lives to just be a "couple" and grow in that. Since doing things a bit "backwards" by having a couple kids before getting married we have never really had time to just be a couple. We are young, early 40's, and ALL our kids are adults now. It is time for US!! With my husbands job being a bit crazy and at times overwhelming and stressful I feel it is my job and my desire to be his support and love him and be there for him instead of being in a job that is causing me stress. We don't need both of us stressed out--not a good combination.
OK, so now I know where my passion and desire is--I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE!! It is what I have been for so long, that and being a stay at home mom. Sometimes we think we want something but then when we get it we realize it is not really what we wanted but what we had is what we really wanted. We just need to learn to be content with what we have and look at the positive and not let the negative make us discontent in a place we know we should be.
I love my husband with ALL my heart and I know I want to be his wife for the rest of my life. I know I want to serve him. My spiritual gifts are serving, mercy & encouragement and I thought it was time to take those gifts somewhere else. I do believe God can and will continue to use my gifts as He sees the need outside my home but I do see that those gifts are there to also serve, show mercy & encourage my husband.
"A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown."
Proverbs 12:4a
I have said over the last couple weeks "I just want my life back" but what did I mean by that...I want to be where I was last spring before I started my job. I want to be growing daily in the Truth and not be who I have become (a tired grumpy woman) which I don't like. So that is my plan and I do hope, pray and believe it is God's plan for me as well.
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