Reflecting...

I can't believe 2011 is almost over and a new year will begin.  Boy does time fly.  I don't know about you but this time of year I tend to reflect back on the year and think about the new year.  It has been one crazy year for me.

I started the year with 2 jobs, one I was about to quit and one I was getting ready to start.  I started the one and worked my last day at the other the same week...that was crazy.

Then on Feb. 13th I felt the call to go to Haiti with a team from my church.  I did fight this for a week before I agreed to go.  All that is in an earlier post.  So I had 5 weeks to prepare to go on my very first missions trip.

Those 5 weeks were insane.  All the prep, meetings, shopping for things I needed.  I only had to get 2 shots since working in health care I am up to date on all the ones needed around here.  Doctor visit for meds to take.  Wow, so much to do in such a short time.  Plus my fear of flying (again in an earlier post).  I also quit my job in those 5 weeks. 

They went fast with all that was going on but it was so worth it to go to Haiti.  That was so amazing and I thank God for sending me and allowing me that experience.

In July I started a new job that seems to be a much better fit and that is where I am now.  I am part time but I seem to stay pretty busy.

So it has been a busy year for me.  Add in all my family stuff and that just makes it even more crazy.

In thinking about this past year and the new year to come I thought to myself 'why do we do this?', meaning reflect at the end of a year and make new goals at the beginning.  Maybe it is easier.  Something people just do.  I don't know for sure but I do it and I know others do as well.  I do believe though that we should take time to reflect and remember things all throughout the year and be OK with setting new goals if needed because everyday is a new day and a new beginning.

I am setting some goals for 2012 and a lot of them will be the same as before.  I am a work in progress.  I am going to work on taking one day at a time and enjoy life.  I don't want to get myself worked up because I did not meet a goal but be able to start new every day and just work to meet that days goals. 

Hope you all have had a great 2011 and look forward to a wonderful 2012!!

Bring on 2012 because I am ready!! 

Welcome 2011...

OK so I am a few days late but what's new.  Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a great start to the New Year.  I know I have. 

With the new year comes changes.  A lot of people make new years resolutions...I don't.  I just have pretty much the same goals year after year---survive!!  OK, I have more than that but they are pretty much the same.  Does that mean I will never get it right?  Do I need to rethink how I think?  Do I need to change my goals?  Or do I just think to much?  (my guess is the last one)

I did a LOT of changing in 2010.  I started a job after being a stay-at-home mom for a long time.  That was a BIG change for me and a tough one.  I have no regrets taking that job since it taught me so much about myself and helped me to see a few things more clearly.

Today I turned in my 2 week notice to resign from my current job.  It was not easy but it was something I needed to do.  I was very thankful to my manager for taking a chance with me and she was very understanding.  I told her I believe it was a God thing that I got the job and that I had learned so much.  She agreed which was nice to hear. 

Twelve hour days were just not a good fit for me and that is hard.  It makes me feel old and I am not.  When I told my manager that she said they lose a lot of people due to 12 hour days.  I have to say if you work 12 hour days then you know what I mean...they feel more like 20 hour days.

So what is next you may ask (or maybe you don't really want to know but you have read this far and figure you might as well keep going).  I am starting a new job next week.  Two days a week.  No weekends or holidays.  No 12 hour days.  Same 2 days every week so it will make it easier to plan.  I am very excited and a little nervous but more excited.  Plus it is closer to home.  I still have one more day to work at my other job and that is next week also.  It will be a busy week.

So that is how 2011 has started for me and if feels good.
(except for the cold I have) 

I hope your 2011 is off to a GREAT start!!

Thursday Thoughts

I have been up since 6 a.m. when it is one of the few days I could have slept it...what is up with that!!

So since I got up earlier than I wanted to I thought I could get a lot of things done today since I work tomorrow and have a very busy week ahead.  I feel the next "free" day I have will be a week from tomorrow--Oct. 29th.

Here I am sitting at my computer just after noon and if feels like it should be around 4 or 5 but hey I am glad it is still "early" in the day.

You are probably thinking what in the world is the post about?  Well it is just my thoughts and they may not really have much order to them but I wanted to share so if you are bored then stop here if you are curious than keep reading.

I actually have done quite a bit this morning but you wouldn't know it by looking around my house--still working on that.  I do know that it is a beautiful day with the sun shining in and for some reason I keep thinking it is Friday but that is what happens when your schedule is not normal.

Lately I have felt like I have been dealing with brain fog.  Not fun thinking it is because I am getting older but it really started as my stress built over the last few months working a new job.  So I do believe that it is the stress more than my age BUT I am sure there is some of that in there also but I am going to remain in denial over that part.

OK about my job--I love it but there have been things that have really stressed me out and I have not dealt with that stress so well.  One is I am a planner and this is a job that the schedule changes ALL the time.  The only consistent thing is working every 3rd weekend.  Which brings me to the next stress--working every 3rd weekend.  I actually like working on weekends and it does give my husband a chance to go and do things without worrying about me and what I think BUT it means that I am missing church every 3rd Sunday--this I don't like.

When I was offered the job I was given a PRN or as needed position meaning I only had to work 1 day every 2 weeks or just 2 times a month.  I wanted more...or so I thought.  I do like being there more BUT I don't think it is what is best for me or my family right now.  I have been out of the work force for a long time and have gotten used to one way of doing things (my way) so it is a BIG adjustment.  I did get more just shortly after I started.  There was a part time (2 days a week) position open and I took it. 

So I went from training which was full time (3 days a week) to part time and now I have asked to go back to PRN but I can't get that until Nov. 21st.  I feel like all I do is go from work day to work day and I am not catching up.  I feel like I have lost focus a bit and that is why I am struggling.  The thing with PRN is I can pick up more hours if I want.  A wise woman told me that I tried what I thought I wanted but realized it is not what I really want, at least not right now in my life and thankfully I am able to go back without having to quit something I love doing.  Makes sense.

One thing is clear and that no matter how stressed I have been or how off track I get from doing my own thing God is ALWAYS right there with me.  Thankfully I have kept up with my daily devotions because I do believe that is the only reason I have not lost my mind at this point (I still have just over 4 weeks of working part time plus other things to get through so I could still lose it).

Last Sunday when I was working I had some time to read.  It happens, not often but it does and it is good when it does.  I get some online devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Here is the site if you are interested:  www.proverbs31.org/devotional.  I print them out and take them with me in case I do get some time it gives me something good to read and they are short so that helps.  I was reading one titled Hold That Thought! which really hit home to me.  She is talking about being busy which I have blogged about before but the point is spending time with Jesus.  Putting everything and I mean EVERYTHING aside to just sit alone with Jesus.  He should be our "first" part everyday.  Jesus says "Follow me" and not after we read emails or deal with the kids or do dishes or...I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

"But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:33

I think that is clear.  What do you think? 

Another one I read yesterday was on dealing with "hard" times.  Boy could I relate.  She was talking about Job--I can't relate that well and don't ever want to.  But we all face hard times the thing is how do we deal with them.  How do we handle life during trials.  Do we turn to others, medications (and I am not condemning the use of medicine here), drugs, alcohol, sex, internet, TV, etc...OR do we turn to Jesus!  I know I don't always turn to Jesus first but I usually find my way there eventually I just wish I would turn to Him first and maybe the pain or suffering would not be as bad.  Not that it would change but I would change in how I handle it.  **I love the prayers at the end of these devotions and the application steps.

OK if you are still with me then WOOHOO!!  AND THANKS!!  Don't know if any of this helps anyone but just a few things on my mind and believe me I could go on but I think I have bored you enough for today.

Now to just remind myself to take one day at a time and continue to put Jesus FIRST in my life EVERY DAY!!

God Bless and have a GREAT weekend!!

The Ups and Downs of Life

It has been a couple weeks since I have posted and there is good reason...I have been busy and a bit stressed over a few things.  That is no reason but that is the fact.

The DOWNS in life I have, unfortunately, let get the best of me, at least at times.  More times than not to tell the truth.  This is something I don't like about myself and am working to change but it is NOT easy.

A couple weeks ago my husband was doing his devotion and said he really wanted to memorize a passage he just read.  I have been working, wanting, thinking about memorizing scripture lately.  I am not consistent with it but want to try a verse a week.  I told him I would memorize it with him.  I read the first verse a couple times got frustrated and gave up.  I need to just take one verse over a week or even 2 weeks instead of working on several verses at one time.  I was feeling so overwhelmed so I gave up and have YET to start again with another verse.  THIS IS ONE OF MY GOALS!!

I have set myself some goals.  Recently I was thinking about how I want to make sure I am a godly wife, good housewife, mom, friend, daughter, etc...  PLUS I want to do my best at my job.  So I have been praying for balance and direction in these areas.  Sometimes we don't always get the answers we want but once we think about it we realize that is exactly what was needed.

For example, I have been a volunteer for the last 2 years at the children's hospital I now work at.  Since I started my job I have only been able to get in to volunteer once I think.  My schedule is now where I could go in a bit more regular and I was very excited to be able to do that again.  Last week I got an email from my volunteer supervisor saying I can no longer volunteer in patient care areas.  WHAT???  I was so sad and hurt by this and the way she put it in the email it did not make sense to me (well it made sense but not WHY I couldn't volunteer anymore).  I cried over this and then had to keep going since I was to work the next day.  While in the shower it occurred to me that maybe this was a God thing.  Maybe this was God's way of answering my prayers.  I was not going to let it go so He took it from me.  I had done my part and now it was time to move on.  I am still sad about it but after thinking through it and then talking to my supervisor it all makes sense to me now.  With that no longer an option I now have more time to work on being a better housewife & do my best on my job.

After my shower I was ready for bed and sat down to read an online devotional I get and what was it all about...doing too much as women so we don't have to deal with LIFE!  Either we are living in chaos with a frazzled life or so stressed trying to control every aspect of our lives.  Of course this is not all women but it sure hit home with me that night.

The author of the devotion advised us to sit quietly with God.  Relax in His presence.  Being still with God is not always easy to do.  Our minds race with ALL the things we have to do.  God knows everything we have to do there are NO surprises to Him.  This is reassuring to me.  We need to let go of our fears, worries and doubts and just make room for God.

So I took a look at my calendar and started to "plan".  My schedule changes but I do know I work 2 days a week and every 3rd weekend so job...check.  I want to do better with my chores and since my work schedule changes I can't really say I will do this or that every Sat. so I made out a chart and will plan a week at a time so chores...check.  I have TIME WITH GOD at the very top, first thing in the morning on my weekly schedule, so quiet time with God...check.  I have to make sure I have some down time and time with my husband everyday so...check/check.  I feel like I am starting to be able to put things together.  I do know that plans change so I am going to make sure I stay flexible.

Since reading that devotion I have been working on the verse that she started with:

"Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

I have more stresses that have been getting to me.  The monthly devotional I use I could not get so I went to the Christian book store and found a Beth Moore devotional on David.  Cool, this will keep me going for a while and it looks really good so I will have to let you know how it is.  It is called A Heart Like His.  I plan to start that in the morning.  I also have to go to work and self schedule--pick the days I want to work not including my weekends.  There are rules and I am just hoping I can get there and NOT have to work the days I don't want to.  I am pretty flexible I just have 3 days I don't want to work on that schedule so we will see.  I have been really working to trust God in all this since I have seen Him work out my schedule this whole time so why would He stop now.  Doesn't mean it will be just what I want but I know it will be OK no matter what.

So that has been my life lately and I guess I didn't really put any UP's in there but there are several ups to be happy about and I am still working on being positive although that is not always easy.  I am very thankful to have a wonderful husband, great kids, great friends, wonderful church, great family, great job.........so, so many things to be thankful for so there are quite a few UP's in my life.  I just have to make sure I keep looking at them and not the downs.

Been Thinking...

Not sure where to start but there have been several things that have happened lately that got me thinking...more than usual. 

I attended a celebration service for a 2 week old that touched so many lives.  It was a special but sad day.  A reminder of how short life is and that we need to not take anything for granted.  This young infants parents are a great testimony to their faith and the love and peace that God pours down on the broken hearted.  God knits us in our mothers womb.  He knows every hair on our heads.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.  This is a love that in beyond words.

I think about how much I love my children and I don't think there is anyone, even their dad, that loves them more than me but I know that God loves them infinitely more than I could even imagine.  WOW!!

One of my kids came to talk to me the other night.  He was not feeling well and we talked about that then ended up talking about his walk with God and where he is in that.  Made my heart sing just listening to him and how he has been growing in his faith and his walk.  I pray for them all daily and I let them know this but to see how God answers in ways that I don't even think about is just awesome to me.

I have felt a bit lazy lately and started thinking that maybe I am not "doing" enough in my walk with Christ.  I have worked the last 2 Sundays and think maybe not being in church has had a bit of an affect on me but not sure.  My husband reminds me that when I go and work that I am "doing" for God what a lot of people can't or won't do.  I am serving sick children, their families & the nurses I work with.  At least that is how I pray as I drive to work and how I feel when I am there.

So what is considered enough for God?  I believe that if our heart is right with God and we are walking in His will then that is enough.  Maybe I don't spend 2 hours in prayer, or read 2 chapters in the Bible everyday.  I do get up every morning and spend time doing a devotion with Bible reading and then have prayer time.  Sometimes this is shorter than others but I do feel it is necessary for me to cont. doing this even if at times I "feel" it is not enough.

I am keeping a positive attitude...most of the time.  I think that for now I am doing what I am suppose to be doing.  I am seeking God and His direction for my life.  I pray for His strength in all I do.  I commit each day to Him.  I do need a little more discipline in some areas in my life.  I am working on those areas.

So if you smell smoke that is just me thinking or over thinking about life, something I am very good at.