The Ups and Downs of Life

It has been a couple weeks since I have posted and there is good reason...I have been busy and a bit stressed over a few things.  That is no reason but that is the fact.

The DOWNS in life I have, unfortunately, let get the best of me, at least at times.  More times than not to tell the truth.  This is something I don't like about myself and am working to change but it is NOT easy.

A couple weeks ago my husband was doing his devotion and said he really wanted to memorize a passage he just read.  I have been working, wanting, thinking about memorizing scripture lately.  I am not consistent with it but want to try a verse a week.  I told him I would memorize it with him.  I read the first verse a couple times got frustrated and gave up.  I need to just take one verse over a week or even 2 weeks instead of working on several verses at one time.  I was feeling so overwhelmed so I gave up and have YET to start again with another verse.  THIS IS ONE OF MY GOALS!!

I have set myself some goals.  Recently I was thinking about how I want to make sure I am a godly wife, good housewife, mom, friend, daughter, etc...  PLUS I want to do my best at my job.  So I have been praying for balance and direction in these areas.  Sometimes we don't always get the answers we want but once we think about it we realize that is exactly what was needed.

For example, I have been a volunteer for the last 2 years at the children's hospital I now work at.  Since I started my job I have only been able to get in to volunteer once I think.  My schedule is now where I could go in a bit more regular and I was very excited to be able to do that again.  Last week I got an email from my volunteer supervisor saying I can no longer volunteer in patient care areas.  WHAT???  I was so sad and hurt by this and the way she put it in the email it did not make sense to me (well it made sense but not WHY I couldn't volunteer anymore).  I cried over this and then had to keep going since I was to work the next day.  While in the shower it occurred to me that maybe this was a God thing.  Maybe this was God's way of answering my prayers.  I was not going to let it go so He took it from me.  I had done my part and now it was time to move on.  I am still sad about it but after thinking through it and then talking to my supervisor it all makes sense to me now.  With that no longer an option I now have more time to work on being a better housewife & do my best on my job.

After my shower I was ready for bed and sat down to read an online devotional I get and what was it all about...doing too much as women so we don't have to deal with LIFE!  Either we are living in chaos with a frazzled life or so stressed trying to control every aspect of our lives.  Of course this is not all women but it sure hit home with me that night.

The author of the devotion advised us to sit quietly with God.  Relax in His presence.  Being still with God is not always easy to do.  Our minds race with ALL the things we have to do.  God knows everything we have to do there are NO surprises to Him.  This is reassuring to me.  We need to let go of our fears, worries and doubts and just make room for God.

So I took a look at my calendar and started to "plan".  My schedule changes but I do know I work 2 days a week and every 3rd weekend so job...check.  I want to do better with my chores and since my work schedule changes I can't really say I will do this or that every Sat. so I made out a chart and will plan a week at a time so chores...check.  I have TIME WITH GOD at the very top, first thing in the morning on my weekly schedule, so quiet time with God...check.  I have to make sure I have some down time and time with my husband everyday so...check/check.  I feel like I am starting to be able to put things together.  I do know that plans change so I am going to make sure I stay flexible.

Since reading that devotion I have been working on the verse that she started with:

"Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

I have more stresses that have been getting to me.  The monthly devotional I use I could not get so I went to the Christian book store and found a Beth Moore devotional on David.  Cool, this will keep me going for a while and it looks really good so I will have to let you know how it is.  It is called A Heart Like His.  I plan to start that in the morning.  I also have to go to work and self schedule--pick the days I want to work not including my weekends.  There are rules and I am just hoping I can get there and NOT have to work the days I don't want to.  I am pretty flexible I just have 3 days I don't want to work on that schedule so we will see.  I have been really working to trust God in all this since I have seen Him work out my schedule this whole time so why would He stop now.  Doesn't mean it will be just what I want but I know it will be OK no matter what.

So that has been my life lately and I guess I didn't really put any UP's in there but there are several ups to be happy about and I am still working on being positive although that is not always easy.  I am very thankful to have a wonderful husband, great kids, great friends, wonderful church, great family, great job.........so, so many things to be thankful for so there are quite a few UP's in my life.  I just have to make sure I keep looking at them and not the downs.

but, but, MY PLANS!!!

We look at our calendar and see the many things on there.  Sometimes it feels overwhelming and other times it looks very good.  We start our week and just keep moving from one thing to the next like normal.  That is until something stops us......

I recently had that happen.  Of course this is not the first and won't be the last I am sure.  Raising 4 kids plans change a lot.  Being married plans change a lot.  Just being human and having family and friends our plans get changed A LOT.  Some people move through these changes with ease and others not so much.  Some changes are easier to move through than others no matter the personality.  For me I like to see my calendar and I don't like too many changes.  I can flow with many of them and then completely stress over others.

This past weekend I was looking at my calendar and was happy to see a relaxed yet a few fun things on the upcoming week.  I felt I needed this week to prepare mentally and physically for my upcoming job.  That is when "it" hit...I got sick.  OK, I was not wanting this but thought it would only last about 24 hours and the rest of my week would be good.  It was NOT meant to be. 

Monday I was feeling worse and that is when the anger set in.  Tuesday it was fear.  Wednesday complete frustration.  My week was going by and I was not able to do the things I wanted.  I was resting but NOT relaxing.  Not getting my mind and body ready for my job.  Finally to the doctor on Thursday to find out that it is just the residual affects from the "bug" I had Saturday night and that it would most likely last 7-10 days but could possible be more.  I had to REST, REST, REST and get LOTS of fluids.  At first I cried, this "bug" had ruined my week and possible my upcoming weekend.  Will I be ready for my new job on Monday, I wondered.  The doctor reassured me that I should be good enough to start my job, just may not feel 100%. 

My wonderful husband had been taking care of me and was very positive about the whole thing.  At least we knew why I was still feeling so bad and it will end and most likely soon.  This is all good news.  We can still have fun, just adjust to watching movies and playing games instead of going out on a date.  This did shift my attitude as I did see that even though I had plans for this week God used my week differently.  My husband reminded me that we were thankful last weekend that it was then and not this coming weekend that the "bug" hit--true.  I didn't have anything on my calendar that couldn't be adjusted easily so it has all worked out.

So as I sit on my bed "resting" I think back and I am a bit ashamed of how I reacted.  I have asked God to forgive me for not completely trusting Him in all this.  I did do a lot of whining and complaining--I think I am good at that.

My "ruined" week was only ruined because of MY attitude toward it.  I have grown from this past week.  I would prefer to not have gone through all this and hope and pray I don't ever have to again but illnesses happen.  I was so stuck on ME and MY plans that I took my eyes off the truth.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."  Proverbs 19:21

My plans & God's plans may not be the same and if I am working and wanting to walk in His will then I need to be prepared for the "hiccups" in my plans that are really the plan's God has for me.  Do I think He made me sick--NO.  I just think He allowed it to happen for some reason.  Maybe to grow me in this.  Maybe to remind me to TRUST HIM!!  To remind me that He is in control and that is what I want for my life.  So I have NO reason to complain now do I.

So next time my plans get changed I hope I will be able to go with the flow knowing that it is all in God's plan and He is in control.  For me that is VERY reassuring.  I hope it is for you.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."  Isaiah 55:8