.....Ummmm

OK, so last week was my first week on my job and it went just fine.  I said I would come back with some struggles I had.  Well here I am and I am not sure where to start. 

Besides recovering from an illness, being tired and a bit overwhelmed with so much information I did have a bit of a struggle with......ENVY!

What was I envious of? 

Here is a little background to let you in on why I had/have a bit of a struggle with this.

I became a Medical Assistant right out of high school and loved it.  I worked part time as I was raising my kids but found that to be a bit much and then quit.  I had a desire to someday become a nurse.  Through the years I have taken classes to slowly get me to that goal.  Since my kids are now older I have had the opportunity to go back to school and finish the needed classes to apply to nursing school.  In August of 2008 I did just that.  By the summer of 2009 I had all the classes I needed and pretty much everything except a physical done ready to apply in Sept. 2009.  When I started classes in 2008 I gave it all to God and asked that he would let me know if I was doing this because I needed something to do or was it still a passion.  During that time while taking classes I went back and forth on whether or not this was still really a passion or was it becoming more of a pride thing.  Did I just want to have an RN behind my name and be able to tell others I was a nurse.  With the help of a godly woman, my mother-in-law, I was able to see that my "confusion" at the time was really a lack of peace about the whole thing.  I then spent some time in fervent prayer about the situation and realized that it was NOT the right time for me to apply to nursing school.  WOW, did I have peace after that.  Once I let it go I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulder's.

I started applying to hospitals for Care Assistant or CNA positions because I really have a passion for health care and knew that I could use that in some way.  My Medical Assistant background would help but I was too far removed to go back into working as a Medical Assistant.

OK, now to the ENVY of last week.  I am a Care Assistant at a Children's Hospital, the same one I volunteer at.  During orientation I was with everyone that was a new hire--even nurses.  I would see the new nurses and where they were going to be working in the hospital and think 'I could do that' or 'I wish I was getting ready to do that'.  Then when we split off and I was with the new hire Care Assistants we would be talking and they were all planning on going on to nursing school.  Most were not ready to apply anytime soon but I could still apply by this Sept. if I wanted. 

I did not like when these feelings would come over me and I knew they were NOT from God.  I am so excited about the position I am going in to.  Right now I am at peace about where I am in life and don't have a desire to move on to become an RN.  I have prayed and asked God to REALLY let me know without a doubt, make it VERY clear to me if I am to pursue nursing school.

Last summer when I was praying for God to help me with peace this is the verse he gave me to hold on to.  I saw then how it helped in many ways but this past week I could see how it helped in BIG ways.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30

So there you go, just a peek into my heart on a struggle I had last week and still deal with and most likely will to some extent but I am praying God would cont. to lead me on this journey of life.  As long as I am walking with Him daily and in His will for my life I will be at peace.