I must confess...

...I just posted on the words we speak and I have to say that although I work hard to watch what I say to others I am not so quick to think before I speak to my husband.  The one person I love the most in the world (well besides my kids).  I choose to love him and he chooses to love me.

Recently I have been struggling with stress which is not new to me but it has been at a higher level and affecting my life and my marriage.  I can be nice to everyone else but I tend to take out my frustrations on my husband.  This is not right nor is it fair to him.

My devotions recently have been exactly what I need at this time in my life--huh??  I am reminded that God knows my future, knows my schedule and knows my struggles.  He is already there so I don't need to keep stressing over these things.  Why can't I get that through my thick head.  I guess that is part of being a strong-willed, hard-headed, type A personality. 

Sometimes I wish God would just flash a neon sign in front of me telling me what to do instead of me having to WAIT.  I can be very impatient at times.  I know that at times He does answer so clearly and other times not so much.  Sometimes we have to walk through the muck and mire of trials, stressful situations & things we don't want to do to get to a better place.  NOT FUN!!

I know that God has plans for me.  I am blessed with so much and have nothing to complain about.  I just fine things to complain about--I am working on that also. 

So during this time of stress & struggling I keep praying, learning, growing and reminding myself to take care of myself and control my tongue. 

One day it will all be clear to me.  One day I won't have the stress and struggles of life.  One day life will be perfect and that day will be when I meet Jesus face-to-face.  Until then I will cont. to rely on the TRUTH of God's Word.  Trust Him to see me through these difficult times.  And wait patiently on my Lord.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord,and wait patiently for him to act."  Psalm 37:7 

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:24-26 

I place my hope in God!!



Let's Talk

I have been wanting to do this for a long time but have had other things come up or just didn't take the time to sit down and get it all out. 

I have been reminded over and over that the words we speak matter.  As I researched verses for this months ago I came up with so many that I am sure I would never be able to get to all of them.  So obviously if God thinks what we say is so important that it is clear in so much of the Bible then I think it is very important that WE take what we say to others very seriously.

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."  Proverbs 12:18

I think that is pretty clear.  As I sit here I think of all the times I was "reckless" with my words.  OUCH!!  I don't want to be that way and I try not to but I am guilty of spitting out things that hurt others.

When I get angry I am not always careful about what I say--OUCH!!

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." 

 James 1:19-20

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."  Psalm 141:3

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." Proverbs 13:3

This is just a start.  I challenge you to take some time and look up all the verses in your Bible that talk about the words we speak and how they matter.  Be prepared to spend some quality time in the Word.  I won't even go into all the verses on gossip, taming the tongue, and complaining.  Maybe some other time.

I do know that I want to be the woman that really works to make sure that what I say to others (and to myself because that matters also--that is another blog) is for building them up not tearing them down.

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."  Proverbs 31:26 (NLT)

"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."  Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

That is the woman I want to be!!

Also, remember what you think and what is in your heart comes out in your words.  We don't just speak words that have not at least crossed our minds at some point or live in our hearts.  Like angry, hurtful words towards someone that we have anger towards in our hearts.

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."  Luke 6:45

So as I go about my day-to-day activities I will continue to think on positive things, keep my heart & mind pure and think about what I will say before I say it.  Will I always get it right--NOPE but I thank God that He forgives me when I mess up.  I hope and pray that when I mess up that the person I have hurt will also forgive me (and let me know if I have hurt them and didn't know I did).

That is the short version of what I had planned on (I bet you are happy about that--hehe).  To me these are powerful passages and speak volumes.  Words of Truth I NEED to hear!!

Just had to add this.  Gotta love Maxine!

Adjustment

That is where I am at right now.  Learning to adjust to being a working woman.  I love my job but I don't always like getting up so early.  I don't like being tired ALL the time and crying more than usual.  I know that this too shall pass but I am not the most patient person when it comes to things like this. 

I want to know everything NOW and I know that is not going to happen.  I expect way more out of myself than anyone else.  I have put so much pressure on myself that it is making me sick and I have to stop doing that.


I want to have energy and to feel great NOW and not 3, 6 or even 12 months from now...PATIENCE!

I want to not cry at every little thing all the time now...PATIENCE!

Even as I am typing this out something jumps right out at me and it is the "I WANT" part.  I sound like a 2 yr old and forgetting what does God want from me.  What does God want me to do. 

God wants me to trust HIM:

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you"  Isaiah 26:3

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."  Jeremiah 17:7

God wants me to put my strength in HIM:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble"  Psalm 46:1

"I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength"  Philippians 4:13

God wants me to know that He would not give me something He was not going to equip me to handle.  When I want to obey but it just seems to hard.

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach."  Deut. 30:11

So as I go about another day I just need to remember that I am in this with God because He said He would never leave me nor forsake me.  This is a Truth I plan to hold on to.

I will close with some great verses that I just love and was reading this morning.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  Philippians 4:4-8

Today I will chose to Rejoice in the Lord!!

but, but, MY PLANS!!!

We look at our calendar and see the many things on there.  Sometimes it feels overwhelming and other times it looks very good.  We start our week and just keep moving from one thing to the next like normal.  That is until something stops us......

I recently had that happen.  Of course this is not the first and won't be the last I am sure.  Raising 4 kids plans change a lot.  Being married plans change a lot.  Just being human and having family and friends our plans get changed A LOT.  Some people move through these changes with ease and others not so much.  Some changes are easier to move through than others no matter the personality.  For me I like to see my calendar and I don't like too many changes.  I can flow with many of them and then completely stress over others.

This past weekend I was looking at my calendar and was happy to see a relaxed yet a few fun things on the upcoming week.  I felt I needed this week to prepare mentally and physically for my upcoming job.  That is when "it" hit...I got sick.  OK, I was not wanting this but thought it would only last about 24 hours and the rest of my week would be good.  It was NOT meant to be. 

Monday I was feeling worse and that is when the anger set in.  Tuesday it was fear.  Wednesday complete frustration.  My week was going by and I was not able to do the things I wanted.  I was resting but NOT relaxing.  Not getting my mind and body ready for my job.  Finally to the doctor on Thursday to find out that it is just the residual affects from the "bug" I had Saturday night and that it would most likely last 7-10 days but could possible be more.  I had to REST, REST, REST and get LOTS of fluids.  At first I cried, this "bug" had ruined my week and possible my upcoming weekend.  Will I be ready for my new job on Monday, I wondered.  The doctor reassured me that I should be good enough to start my job, just may not feel 100%. 

My wonderful husband had been taking care of me and was very positive about the whole thing.  At least we knew why I was still feeling so bad and it will end and most likely soon.  This is all good news.  We can still have fun, just adjust to watching movies and playing games instead of going out on a date.  This did shift my attitude as I did see that even though I had plans for this week God used my week differently.  My husband reminded me that we were thankful last weekend that it was then and not this coming weekend that the "bug" hit--true.  I didn't have anything on my calendar that couldn't be adjusted easily so it has all worked out.

So as I sit on my bed "resting" I think back and I am a bit ashamed of how I reacted.  I have asked God to forgive me for not completely trusting Him in all this.  I did do a lot of whining and complaining--I think I am good at that.

My "ruined" week was only ruined because of MY attitude toward it.  I have grown from this past week.  I would prefer to not have gone through all this and hope and pray I don't ever have to again but illnesses happen.  I was so stuck on ME and MY plans that I took my eyes off the truth.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."  Proverbs 19:21

My plans & God's plans may not be the same and if I am working and wanting to walk in His will then I need to be prepared for the "hiccups" in my plans that are really the plan's God has for me.  Do I think He made me sick--NO.  I just think He allowed it to happen for some reason.  Maybe to grow me in this.  Maybe to remind me to TRUST HIM!!  To remind me that He is in control and that is what I want for my life.  So I have NO reason to complain now do I.

So next time my plans get changed I hope I will be able to go with the flow knowing that it is all in God's plan and He is in control.  For me that is VERY reassuring.  I hope it is for you.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."  Isaiah 55:8

Stepping Out

I am stepping out of my comfort zone, heading into a new phase in my life.  In one week I will be starting a new job.  I am very excited but also a bit scared.  I have not really worked outside my home in over 15 years.  I have been raising my kids which I so much have enjoyed but they are now grown and it is time for me to do something else with my life.  For a few years now I have been trying to "figure out" mostly on my own what I am suppose to do now that I have a lot of time on my hands.  I am too young to just "retire".  Really I am way too young!!

I have taken classes to further my education in the thoughts that I would go to nursing school.  I have everything I need but just don't have a peace about going.  I am not sure why but I have prayed about it so much and it always comes back to "that is not where you are suppose to be".  So last summer I started applying at hospitals for Care Assistant (CNA) positions.  I was offered a job last Aug. but it did not feel right.  I left the interview (the first profession interview I had been on in a long time) feeling about 50/50 on wanting the job.  Over the weekend I ended up knowing that I did NOT want the job and prayed that they would not even offer me the job.  I was not sure why but again I did NOT have a peace about it.  They did call a week after the interview and offered me the job.  I thanked them and then turned them down.  At the time it all felt right but for me given time I will second guess myself--something I tend to do to myself.  I did see through the fall and winter that it was best that I didn't have the job.  I was still applying for jobs in hospitals off & on over the months.  I really wanted to work at the Children's hospital that I volunteer at but those Care Assistant jobs are very hard to get.  Plus with me being out of the work force for so long I knew it was a long shot but I kept on applying.

A few months ago I really was having a rough time and I could just feel God pulling me closer to him.  I started spending more time in the Word and in prayer.  I started to journal both my thoughts and prayers.  I had also started my worry box that I have blogged on earlier.  I was trusting God with my future.  I got to where I just felt at complete peace about whatever God had for me was going to be just right.  If I was to remain a housewife then I was happy and content to do that.  I knew that God would be able to use me & the gifts He has given me in so many different areas as long as I was walking in His will.

Casting Crowns has a song that has really helped me during this time called Voice of Truth.  Here is just a bit of the song:

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, "Do no be afraid!"

The voice of truth says, "This is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

That is just a bit of the song but it really hit home for me.  I had (still have) that inner voice that tells me I can't do this or that.  That is the lies.  I also have the truth that has been coming through and it is telling me to not be afraid.  God's Word is the Truth that is helping me and guiding me.

As I have looked back over my journal and all the verses God has given me to guide me and to show me what He wants for my life it has been so reassuring.  I wish I could list them all here but that would be a lot.  I will share a few:

"I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me."  Psalm 16:7

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."  Psalm 27:14

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

OK that is just a very small sample of the verses I have in my journal.  These plus many others have helped me in my journey over the last few months.  They still help me everyday.  I am depending on God moment by moment in my life.

So as I step out of the boat into the unknown waters of a new and exciting job I am reaching for the hand of Jesus to hold me up so I do not sink.

I feel that God has blessed me with this job and He will give me what I need to do it and to move forward in my life and not be "stuck" which would be the easier thing to do, at least for me.

So next Monday, June 21st I will start my hospital orientation for a Care Assistant position at the Children's Hospital that I now volunteer for.  WOW!!  I walked away from that interview back in April wanting the job but just trusting that if God wanted me there then it would all work out and if not I was content to keep trusting.  I was offered the job on May 5th.  I had to wait until June to start which was OK since so much has happened in that time and it has come up really fast.

It is just amazing to see what happens when I just let go and let God take control in my life.  To just let Him direct my path.  I am scared about starting this new job but not because I don't think I can do the job but because it is all new for me again.  Working long hours and being away from home.  This is where I just have to trust and depend on God at ALL times.

So I just keep praying for God's direction and that He will use me in this position.  I need prayer from others to help me not get overwhelmed with fear as the day is fast approaching.

Trust in God and His Truth!!!  Obey His commands!!! 

What an AWESOME GOD!!! 

F.E.A.R.

FEAR...that is what gripped me just the other day.  I have heard that FEAR is "False Evidence Appearing Real" there are a lot of other acronyms but this one I have heard the most and seemed to fit.  My fear stemmed from a very real concern for one of my children.  Instead of taking that fear to God I just went right into worrying about my child's future and let the worry just keep growing in my mind.

A quote from Corrie Ten Boom I like that really fits here is "Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear."

I have been working on NOT worrying and here I was just not letting go of this worry/fear.  Being a mom I want to always protect my kids, this is not possible.  Sometimes the things they go through are for their good.  Personally I don't see the good in this one but only God knows the future.  After some research, more worrying and becoming very grumpy I FINALLY realized I needed to take this child and their issue to God.  It took me a bit to get it through my thick head but I did and it only took me one day--that for me is progress!!  When it comes to my family it takes more work to NOT worry--especially when it has to do with my kids.  I'm still growing...

Now that I was able to give all that to God I am still struggling with myself and the lies that swirl around in my head.  I feel like I have been fighting a battle in my head between lies and truth instead of letting go and letting God have control.  Allowing myself to worry robbed me of an entire day and now I am dealing with the aftermath of thoughts that go with it.  Feelings of failure & guilt.  LIES!!!  I have to take every thought captive, "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5b.  "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Ephesians 3:20

I am more content and at peace when I am walking in God's will for my life.  Worry takes me out.  He cannot work in me when I try and take control.  Plus I am no good at it.  I want joy, peace, contentment--things I only have when I keep my eye's on Jesus and walk with Him daily.

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."  Corrie Ten Boom

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
 Philippians 4:6-7

Being Prepared

I really didn't know how to title this entry but wanted to share a recent experience.  I have been asking God to use me and the gifts that He has given me.  I completely surrendered to His will for my life.  With time on my hands I have been looking for ways to serve (serving is one of my gifts). 

I have been volunteering at a Children's hospital for a couple years and love it but felt like there was more for me.  I am not always patient waiting for God, this is something he is teaching me.  I recently excepted a job but was told I would not be able to start until the middle of June.  OK, I thought this will give me time to prepare for long work days since I have been mostly on "my" schedule for years, now I need to be prepared for a work schedule. 

This past week is where I feel God has really grown me and showed me WHY I had to wait to start this job and a lot of other things.  God has blessed me with the gifts of mercy, serving and encouragement.  I am not always good at following through with them but when I do I am blessed and know I am in His will.  So taking care of others comes easy for me (most of the time--I can be lazy about it).

My mom had been taking care of her oldest brother and he had been pretty sick for some time.  This past week it was evident that my uncle was not going to be around much longer.  I had been praying for him and my mom during this time.  I was on a walk with my husband Tues evening when we were talking about the situation.  My uncle was at a hospital close to me so why was I not going to visit.  I had not grown up with this uncle and he had upset me with the way he had treated my mom so I did kind of "step aside".  While talking with my husband I told him I wanted to be there FOR my mom and to let my uncle know that I loved him.  My husband knew that if I didn't follow my heart, which we both knew it was a prompting from God, that I would regret it.

The next day I go to visit my uncle and planned for a very short visit and again thought this was more to support my mom.  I ended up spending more time there and felt like that was where I needed to be. 

God prepared me and my heart for this time, I have no doubt about that.  I so much loved being there, talking with my uncle, helping him in any way I could and just doing what I know how to do.  He called me his favorite nurse.  No, I am not a nurse, I have a medical background but not a nursing degree.  Taking care of him was easy for me.  I had prayed for his salvation and on Wed. one of the pastors from my church came and talked with my uncle and he prayed and received Christ.  This brought us all a lot of joy.  We would talk about this off and on.  I could see the peace in his eyes.  My uncle went to be with the Lord on Friday 5/21 in the afternoon.  I held his hand as he passed from this life into the arms of Jesus. 

I got up this morning to have my quiet time and one of the devotionals I am using right now was so fitting.  I would have done this yest. but was at the hospital as we had spent the night Thurs. night when he took a turn for the worse.  The book is Praying for Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton and is a 60 day devotional.  This is what I read this morning:  "Do you understand that he (God) delights in giving you tasks he designed you to love?".  After I read that I sat for awhile just thinking about how God used me & my gifts over the last few days and I was just in awe of the wonderful, mighty God that I serve.  He is so much bigger than my feeble mind can even comprehend. 

I realized that had I been able to start my job earlier I would have started it on the 20th--the day before my uncle passed and I would not have been able to be there and allow God to use me and I would have missed this blessing.  WOW!!!  I thought of how on Thurs I had gotten really tired and had a headache after lunch so I went home to take a nap.  I got a call just after 9 pm that he was not doing well and I headed to the hospital.  I was not tired, I had no headache.  God had prepared me for a long night.  WOW!!!  I had no worries about my family because I knew they were all doing fine and could take care of things at home.  I was right where I was suppose to be at the time.  WOW!!!

I guess I just wanted to try and share just a bit of what I am feeling and how God has been using me.  Words cannot even begin to express how I feel right now and how blessed I feel.  I am just so thankful that I serve a loving God.  I am so NOT perfect, I have so many flaws but God sees me as a clean, pure child of HIS that is willing to be used.  As Samuel said in 1 Samuel 3:10 "Speak, for your servant is listening.".  That is me, not that I always listen but I want to because when I do great things happen.  When I don't.........

So I start my weekend with sadness at the loss of my uncle and joy with how God has used me and the joy in my heart of what an AWESOME GOD WE SERVE!!

Defining Truth

Since I titled this Daily Growing in Truth I thought I would start with defining truth.  Here is what I found:

Truth (noun)
Truthfulness, Honesty, Fact, Actuality, Loyalty, Trustworthiness, Sincerity, Genuineness, Reality, Integrity, Fidelity

These are just a few examples I found between Websters Dictionary and Your Dictionary.com

As I have found I have grown up with a lot of lies.  Lies about life, marriage, family, myself and even God.  These lies tend to take root in the brain and live there as though they are truth.  Many do not even realize how much of what they think or believe are lies (or at least not close to the truth).  We grow with tapes that are played over and over in our heads that make us think that what we "know" to be true is true but a lot of the time it is not.

Life is a journey from birth to death and we are all learning along the way.  Hopefully we grow day-by-day but for most of us we will have times when we take a step backwards or become "stuck" where we are at instead of growing.

I have found the only way to grow in the truth is to know the real Truth and that is with a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Once we have that relationship then we can grow in His Word and learn daily more about what the truth really is.

Even as I follow Christ and surrender daily to live for him I still fall back into those old lies that are in my head.  As I continue to post I will tell you how I have been working to change those old tapes and replace them with new ones.

So join me as I grow in truth.